Bad Faith
by BloodIsThickerThanWater
Summary: A story about the life of a pureblood, featuring Forgiveness, Betrayal, and Love. Some things may just be more powerful than love. Can Desari Malfoy really accept that her lover is a werewolf? Can Remus Lupin trust himself enough to let Desari into his life? Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling. Prank Ideas come from OMG-Bannana's Marauder's Top 25 List.
1. Severus Snape

I woke with a groan on the first day of classes for my fifth year at Hogwarts. I really didn't want to be trapped in class all day with blood-purist scum like Rosier and the other mini-monsters. I wondered, not for the first time, why I hadn't begged the sorting hat to put me anywhere but Slytherin. Yeah, the dorm was beautiful, and my father had calmed down about me "not supporting tradition", but was it really worth dealing with all these potential dark lords? Not that most of them had any real potential at all... but every one of them were muggle hating bastards drowning in the Dark Arts.

I got dressed in my school robes, not bothering to hide my multitude of scars now that I had a private dorm room. Usually private rooms like this one were reserved for prefects, head girls, and extremely excellent seventh years, but after a particularly nasty fight with my dorm mates last year, Headmaster Dumbledore had quickly moved me to a private dorm. He had claimed that it was a punishment for not getting along with my fellow snakes, but everyone knew that the muggle-loving old wizard had learned that I had been defending some muggleborn named Evans and rewarded me. The worst part was that I'd never met Evans. I'd just cursed anyone who said anything bad about muggleborns. Or anything I didn't like the sound of. Just the word "Mudblood" muttered in my earshot could end you in the hospital wing for the night.

I stepped in front of the mirror to look myself over. My father would have been proud. My aristocratic Malfoy good looks were highlighted by my emerald jewellery and deep green silk blouse. The silver tie at my throat was definitely not school issued and shimmered incandescently in the torch light. The black pencil skirt I chose fell several inches beneath my knee and my robes were some of Madame Malkin's finest work. My platinum blonde hair was perfectly arranged and fell to my waist. My silver eyes, only slightly different colored than my brother's stormy grey, were highlighted by my pale skin and I couldn't help a grin. I looked fantastic. My father would be proud.

By the time I made it to breakfast, everyone else had already gotten their schedules. I took a seat next to a greasy vulture of a boy who I thought was named Snape and took the schedule that had appeared in front of me. I seemed to have a lot of classes with the Gryffindors this year... even classes that were usually just for Gryffindors like Transfiguration.

"Malfoy, right? Desari Malfoy?" The vulture beside me asked, keeping his voice low so no one else could hear him.

"What do you want?" I asked briskly. I had learned the hard way that the only way to stay alive in Slytherin was to be a bitch to everyone. If you weren't they would walk all over you.

"I'm Severus Snape." He said softly.

"Congratulations on learning your name." I mumbled, scooping some food onto my plate without paying attention to what it was.

"I, uh, just wanted to say thank you for defending Lily at the end of last year. Everyone else is calling you a blood traitor, but Lily... she's not the average muggleborn. She's special... and well, thank you." Snape the vulture whispered so softly I almost missed it.

I turned and looked him over. By all appearances he looked like an average boy. He obviously hadn't gotten his good looks from a family like Malfoy or Black. Probably some half-blood family. How had he managed to make it into our house? He wasn't a blood purist. He wasn't from a Slytherin family. He wasn't anything special. "Well, I'm not the type to judge based on blood. Besides, from what I hear, Evans is probably a descendant of some lost Prewitt. She's a good student and a proficient witch. Not to mention that god-awful red hair."

"You hear right. Lily's a great witch. We've been friends since childhood." He said softly with a reverent tone to his voice. I could tell that he was in love with her, just from this short conversation.

"Severus, it's not a good idea to talk about your Gryffindor lover like that when you're talking to another Slytherin. Most of us would string you up for the whole common room to see. Luckily for you, I don't care." My voice was no longer the cruel imitation of my father. Now I spoke almost as if I was talking to my brother.

"You're not like the other Slytherins, Desari. I know you won't hold it against me just because of who her parents are." Severus looked at my schedule over my shoulder as I started to eat. "We only have potions together. How'd you manage that?"

I shrugged "It seems that the professors have also deemed me non-Slytherin. I have every core class with the Gryffindors."

"Maybe you should ask for a resorting. Dumbledore allows those when they get requested." Snape said in a solemn tone.

"The sorting hat made its decision five years ago." I said glancing up at the head table. "It considered me for Ravenclaw, but it said that my true thirst was for power. It said that I was more Slytherin than most of the people here. When I didn't outright refuse, it called my house."

Severus thought about my words for a few minutes. It wasn't like I'd told him anything that could hurt me, but at the same time, it was something that most people didn't know. "I asked the sorting hat to put me in Gryffindor." He confessed. "It told me that I would be an outcast and called Slytherin. I didn't have any time to argue."

His confession was a good deal juicier than mine. Especially since I knew that he was in love with this Lily Evans character. I felt the need to give him something more. I sorted through my thoughts quickly. "I almost did the same. I'm a Malfoy though. I didn't have the courage to ask. I was scared because of how they reacted to Sirius Black. No one clapped for him. No one accepted him with open arms like the Slytherins would have."

"Desari, is there any way that you and I could be friends?" Severus asked softly as if he was shy.

"I don't see why not. You aren't scum like the rest of my house." I shrugged, keeping a straight face like I had been taught. It meant a lot to me. I'd never had a friend before, but I couldn't let him know that. That would be too juicy of a secret.

Severus just nodded silently and stood up. "It's almost time for class. You should get going."

I stood as well and sighed. I hadn't eaten much during my talk with Severus, but I hadn't been all that hungry either. I glanced at my schedule. First class today was transfiguration. I wouldn't see Severus again until double potions tonight.

My day went by fairly quickly after that. As I had seen earlier, all of my classes had been packed with Gryffindors and during most of them, I had been forced to sit with one. In Transfiguration I had sat next to James Potter, an arrogant, though in a way charming boy from the quidditch team. In History of Magic I had ended up with Sirius Black, though the two of us hadn't said a word to each other. Even Charms class I had been seated with Lily Evans. She too had thanked me for standing up for her at the end of last year, but we hadn't talked much.

Professor Slughorn placed me at a table with my new friend Severus Snape. He usually paired Slytherins with Gryffindors, but there weren't enough Lions to go around. Or at least that's what he'd claimed, but I couldn't help but notice that Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin were seated together at the back of the class. I wondered idly why he would chose to leave Severus and me together if it meant pairing up two people who were obviously friends.

"Who can tell me the effects of Girding potion?" Professor Slughorn asked gazing across the gathered students. I stared evenly back at him. He was still the same oversized, Santa Claus looking man he had been last year, and I sincerely hoped that he had given up on adding me to his "collection" of excellent students. I had never liked the jolly type of personality he had.

"It may be consumed to increase one's endurance for a considerable number of weeks." Severus said sourly after realizing no one else was going to answer. I figured that most of the students hadn't known the answer in the first place. "I would like to warn those who would experiment with this potion that the maximum dose is no more than two vials." The second part of his answer was said with a glare aimed at Sirius Black.

"Very good, Mr Snape. Five points for Slytherin." Professor Slughorn smiled in the general direction of our table. "I would like the class to read the chapter on this potion and take careful notes as you will be brewing this in your next few lessons. There will be extra credit for those of you that would like to turn in said notes at the beginning of the lesson on Tuesday morning."

Severus and I sat in a comfortable silence as we each wrote down our notes. I couldn't help but notice that he rarely bothered to glance at his textbook. He must have read it quite thoroughly before the start of the term. I, on the other hand, hadn't bothered to read my textbooks beforehand. I had a nearly perfect memory and had little worry that I wouldn't excel in Potions class. Usually I was ahead of the majority of class by the first couple of weeks anyways. Slughorn claimed it was because I was a natural, but honestly, it was because I had learned most of this material already in the private lessons that Father had dictated that I needed.

Severus had finished his notes about halfway through the class, and by the time I had finished, I could feel his eyes on me. I turned to him with a smile as I slid my book into my bag. "Yes, Severus?"

Severus reddened slightly. "N-nothing. I just was noticing that you're very meticulous with your note-taking. You even wrote in some things that weren't in the book. Have you studied Girding potion before?"

I chuckled thinking back to my strict tutor last summer. "Yes, actually. I, uh, had a summer apprenticeship with the potion master who runs that apothecary in, uh, the one in Knockturn Alley. My father arranged it for me after the fight last term. He taught me a lot I suppose. Including most of the stuff that we'll cover in class this year."

Severus's face twisted up slightly with jealousy, but in a moment's time it had been replaced with a friendly half smile. "Well, it sounds like you had an interesting summer. I wish I could say that mine was equally as entertaining."

"Yes, well, it was actually a punishment. He thought the potion master could teach me about responsibility and respect for my house." I laughed half-heartedly. "Little does Father know that I happen to love potions. In fact, I plan on opening my own apothecary after graduation. I was thinking that Hogsmeade could sure use one."

Snape thought for a moment. "Yes, perhaps it could. I plan on becoming a potions master as well. I think I should like to teach though. Drill some sense into thick skulls like Potter and Black."

"I think you would make an excellent potions master, Severus. You're very meticulous yourself. Dedicated too. I noticed that you barely glanced at your book as you took your notes." I nodded to his parchment which was very beautifully organized if you could look past his horrible handwriting.

Severus shrugged, but I could tell that my words had stroked his ego. "Oh, my mother insisted that I know what I'm doing before coming to school. She seems to find my grades a bit lacking."

I laughed aloud at that. Severus was smart and cunning, like any good Slytherin would be. I highly doubted that his grades were any lower than he wanted them to be. Well, in potions class at least.

The next few days flew by in a flash of homework and more homework. The teachers seemed to think that we had been given too long of a vacation this year and with each class my pile of homework and essays grew. Severus and I hadn't had time to hang out much, other than during meals, and I found myself missing his snarky comments about Potter and Black. During one particularly Black bashing dinner conversation I found myself wondering idly what Severus would say if he knew that Black and I were supposed to get married after graduation. Of course, I had no intentions to marry some man I barely knew just because my father had dictated it, but still, it was supposed to happen.


	2. Potion's Master

**AN:** Sorry that this chapter is so short, it's not too awful important, but I didn't want to cut it and it would have made the next chapter rather long if I combined them I think. Anyways, thanks for reading and I'll try to post another chapter soon.

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By the time my Tuesday potions lesson rolled around, I was feeling rather exhausted. Despite my love of potion brewing, I couldn't find the slightest hint of enthusiasm for brewing a potion I had no use for.

Severus sighed lightly as he took the seat next to me. Breakfast that morning had been particularly quiet between the two of us as if my new friend could feel that I didn't have the energy to listen to him ramble on about Potter or Black. Then again, it might have been because I had told him that the two Gryffindors didn't bother me.

Slughorn sent us off to do our potions in pairs and I couldn't help but notice that while Severus's handwriting may be awful, he really did have skilled fingers. I watched with professional interest as Severus sliced fairy wings so perfectly that he nearly powdered them. It was his turn to watch with interest as I fiddled with the heat on our cauldron. He glanced at his own notes before comparing them with mine.

"Does the half of a degree lower temperature really make that much difference?" Severus asked as he compared the rest of our notes to see all the little differences I knew thanks to my summer tutor.

"It makes it more potent. It also increases the overall time by five minutes. Not that big of a difference, but most people don't know the tricks." I stood up and carefully stirred the potion so it wouldn't burn. I glanced around and noticed a few of the other student's cauldrons were already turning a hint of blue. Some of them, like Sirius Black and his partner Emmeline Vance, were already making mistakes. Theirs happened to be set too hot.

"If you want a good show, check out Black and Vance. Their potion is going to burn and turn a nasty shade of green here in about two minutes if they don't fix it fast." I whispered softly nudging Severus to look over at them.

A couple minutes later, just as my potion was turning turquoise, the room was filled with dark billows of smoke as Sirius and Emmeline's potion burned beyond repair. I rolled my eyes at Severus's smile and added doxy eggs to my potion. This time I turned the potion to the same temperature the book suggested.

Severus and I continued in silence as he helped me brew. I also noticed him occasionally looking around the room to compare our potion to the ones our classmates were brewing around us. I could see him making notes on exactly what shade different potions were turning. I assumed he wanted to know which ones were best.

Towards the end of class Slughorn did a sweep of the class and I sensed him stop behind us. "Oh, class, look at this." Professor Slughorn dipped a ladle into our potion and spooned it into a vial. I held back my wince. You really should never take samples of a half completed potion for any reason. "Look at this beautiful shade of royal blue. I daresay it's almost as perfect as my own Girding Potion."

Severus took over for me, following my notes instead of his own. I took the momentary break as a chance to glance around the room. Most people's potions had left the blue colour and were already heading towards green. A few of my classmates were actually turning their heat completely off to let their already green potions cool. Sirius and Emmeline, who had been forced to restart, were over-stirring their potion slightly, but I noted that it was turning a nice maroon colour. It was definitely a few shades off of the Gryffindor red that it was supposed to be, but it was close enough that it didn't look to be dangerous at the moment.

I stretched my arms wide and popped my back before kneeling down to make sure that Severus had followed my notes correctly. He had. I was starting to wonder if he had even needed my notes to realize that the book wasn't designed to be perfect. Every potion we had learned or would ever learn, in our entire lives, was subject to change if we would only bother to focus on perfecting it. That had been my first lesson last summer.

I smiled up at Severus. "Do you know how many times I had to brew this potion to figure out just what needed to be done?"

"You're the one who figured it out? I thought your Potion Master taught you." He whispered, slightly shocked.

"Oh no. Mr White was under the impression that you can't truly learn anything if you are told the answers. Many of his apprentices are excellent potion masters themselves because he taught them that a potion is never perfect. You can always improve it by changing the little things like stirring it half-a-time less or adding half a dragonfly thorax more." I laughed hollowly as I remembered the endless hours of brewing and experimenting and re-brewing. "He also makes you test your own potions that way you learn better if you mess up."

"Mr White is a wise Potion Master." Severus whispered reverently.

"He is indeed. He's very strict with his apprentices, but it's only because he expects the best of them." I sighed. "Turn off the heat. That's the colour of green it's supposed to be."

Severus cut the heat and we both relaxed into our seats for the last few minutes of waiting for the florescent green potion to fade to the perfect shade of light gold. It was only a few minutes to the end of class and Professor Slughorn was making his rounds again. He commented on many of the potions in the class, giving students advice and gentle corrections. Most of the potions had turned an agreeable shade, though one of the potions was a strange bronze colour that looked like it was something totally different. I didn't know its brewers names, but the Slytherin one looked a bit like a troll.

"Again an excellent display of the correct shade, Mr Snape and Miss Malfoy. Ten points each to Slytherin for brewing the best potion in class. Five points to each Miss Evans and Mr Zabini for brewing the second best." Professor Slughorn nodded to each table as he held up a vial of each of our potions. They were nearly identical, I had to admit. This Lily Evans truly was as decent of a witch as I had claimed.


	3. Faced Death

**AN:** This one seems a bit short and dull to me too... but I promise that this story gets better as it goes on. Also I would love it if I could get a single review by the time I have the next chapter ready, even if it's just a "hey I'm here, reading" type of thing. Please, guys?

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The next day, I had most of my classes outside. It was a beautiful day with just enough cloud cover that it wasn't too hot, despite the fact that the summer was just coming to a true end. Herbology went quickly with my partner being Peter Pettigrew, who despite being a mousy-looking boy with few skills, turned out to be quite skilled with plants. He even coaxed the shyest of the Damanhurian Lilies to sing to him. It was a beautiful sight, even to me. I, on the other hand, seemed unable to coax my own lily into blooming, let alone making a sound.

Care of Magical Creatures was my only afternoon class of the day. When the class gathered, I noticed for the first time that I wasn't just the only Slytherin present. The entire class consisted purely of Gryffindors except for myself. The Gryffindors seemed to notice this as well and I could feel their curious eyes watching me as we waited for Miss Kettleburn.

Just as I was about to turn and head back to the castle, after all the teacher was nearly fifteen minutes late, Rubeus Hagrid, the enormous groundskeeper stumbled out of the forest with a grin on his face and a vest with dead ferrets hanging from it strapped to his chest.

"Goo' mornin' Class. Miss Kettleburn is out sick today, and 'as asked me ter take over her classes." The giant of a man laughed. I couldn't help but smile a little. Hagrid's personality contrasted so much with his huge mountain man looks that it was more than a little ironic. "Yer in for such a treat today. I'm goin' ter introduce yeh to the thestral herd!"

I frowned slightly and noticed that the Gryffindors around me all looked either confused or worried. I couldn't help my own shiver of fear. Thestrals were bad omens. Very bad. If you saw one, it was like seeing the Grim. Death and devastation were in your future.

"Can anyone tell me why some o' yeh can see thestrals and te others can't?" Hagrid asked as he led the class into the forbidden forest. We didn't have to walk far. Soon we entered a clearing and a few people, including myself gasped.

The clearing was filled with reptilian creatures that looked like what would happen if a skeleton horse and a dragon mated. Their eyes were pure white and they had huge, bat-like wings. One of them gave a shrill shriek, causing the students who couldn't see them to look around curiously.

"You can only see thestrals if you've seen death." Lily Evans whispered softly, staring anywhere but at the terrifying beasts. I took to her approach and focused instead on a particularly interesting flower at my feet.

"Five points ter Gryffindor." Hagrid said and I could hear the smile in his voice. He seemed thrilled that no one had brought up that most people also thought them to be bad omens. "Thestrals be dead smart, carnivorous beasts. They can smell fresh blood fer miles."

I heard a sickening crunch as Hagrid tossed one of the ferrets on his vest to the nearest thestral.

"Show of hands, folks. Who can see te thestrals?" Hagrid asked and I couldn't help but look around. Lily Evans raised her hand. So did Remus Lupin and a couple other people. Reluctantly I raised my hand as well. It's not like anyone would miss the fact that I wouldn't look anywhere near the beasts.

"Marvellous. Marvellous. I am, o' course, sorry for your losses, but I'm glad a few of yeh can appreciate this lesson." Hagrid boomed over our tentative hands. "Now, can any of yeh tell me what the Hogwarts thestrals er normally doing fer the school?"

"They pull the carriages at the beginning of the year and during Hogsmeade weekends and whatnot. That's why some students prefer to wait until later in the day and walk to Hogsmeade." I said softly. I knew this for a fact because I was one of them. Thestrals creep me out. "Not everyone is exactly comfortable with them, which is why we allow people who can't see them to believe that the carriages pull themselves, despite that being a ridiculous notion."

Sirius Black chuckled, obviously Remus had done the same thing with him at first. I'd never told anyone about the thestrals myself, because I knew how uncomfortable they made people.

Hagrid smiled "Very good Miss Malfoy. Five points for Slytherin as well." I blushed lightly. I hadn't meant to actually sound smart with that comment. I had been trying to hint to him how uncomfortable this lesson was making some of the students. Peter Pettigrew looked like he might wet himself if one of the beasts so much as breathed on him. I could tell he couldn't see them though, because his eyes were darting all over the place as if he was searching the shadows for some vicious monster waiting to suck his blood. I wondered if I should warn him that there was actually one a foot or two to his left, but decided not to scare him like that.

Suddenly I looked up as one of the thestrals came eye to eye with me. It spoke to me in a cool voice like a gust of winter wind.

 _You. You're the one who finally claimed it._

I glanced around panicked and saw that no one else had heard the words. No one was looking at me. They were all watching Hagrid as he talked about the beasts or looking around hoping to see one.

 _They can't hear me. I speak only to the one with my wand._

I shakily pulled out my wand and held it flat on my palm for the thestral to inspect it. He made a shriek that sounded like a monstrous bird and pranced around me. Remus and Lily were both watching me now with interest.

 _I knew it. I knew you had my wand. The tail inside that wand came from my very own._ The cool wind voice said proudly.

I blushed as the others who could see the thestrals looked at me as well, even Hagrid. I smiled slightly and whispered "Yeah, this wand has, uh, really pulled through for me..."

**Flash back**

"Interesting... Very interesting. Dragon heartstring and Phoenix feather both seem to shy away from you." Ollivander had whispered reverently as he pulled yet another wand from my grasp before I could blow anything up. I had been in his shop for hours trying every wand in sight. It seemed like I had grasped a hundred wands only to have them pulled away again. "Perhaps something different, Miss Malfoy? Perhaps something I would never have thought of before..."

Ollivander had sulked off then to search through more and more stacks of wands. Eventually I heard a crash in the back of the shop and rushed to help him. By the time I made it to where he was, he had already levitated the fallen wands to their rightful places and all that was left of the crash was a dust cloud so thick it could be cut with a sword.

"Try this one dear. I made it many, many a year ago, when I was just starting out." Ollivander passed me plain black box that was caked with dust and cobwebs. I reverently opened the box and it creaked with age as I pulled out the beautiful ebony wand. I swished it in my hand and the tip showered us in purple sparks.

"Curious. 13 inches of ebony. Unyielding with a thestral hair core..." He had whispered reverently. "Interesting indeed. It is said that only a wizard who has faced death can master this wand."

**Back to present**

The thestral had wandered off shortly later when I had refused Hagrid's offer to let me feed him, but I noticed that it continued to watch me for the rest of the lesson. Ollivander's words seemed to bounce around in my head. "A wizard who has faced death." I whispered softly to myself.


	4. The Marauders

**AN:** Thank you so much for your review Guest! I'm glad that you liked that. I think of potions as a lot like science, always evolving and whatnot.

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The next few weeks passed quickly as Severus and I became close friends. Soon I was spending more time with Severus in the library or the common room than I was spending in my dorm. That had never happened before. Severus would share his stories about the Marauders and their stupid pranks and I would listen and pretend to feel the same as my friend, though truthfully, I wished I could pull some of those pranks myself.

One day I found myself bursting at the seams as I sat with James Potter in Transfiguration class. I couldn't hold in my curiosity anymore. I turned to the messy haired boy and smiled "Is it true that you turned the prefect bathroom into a swamp and they couldn't fix it for a whole week?"

James laughed softly. "That would be telling, Miss Malfoy. I'm not stupid enough to give you Slytherins any more ammunition. Especially a friend of Snivellus."

I frowned at the juvenile nickname. "I'm not asking for ammunition. I think it was bloody brilliant, but I suppose, if you think you can switch out the Slytherin boys robes with muggle prom dresses without someone on the inside..."

I carefully ignored James for the rest of the lesson, pretending I was having a hard time turning my top hat into a rabbit. Just before the end of the class I saw Professor McGonagall giving me a strange look. She knew that I'd never had trouble in her class before. I gave her my best imitation of James's arrogant smile and effortlessly changed the hat into a rabbit and back again. The Professor rolled her eyes, but I could see the smallest hint of a smile on her lips.

James pouted next to me. "You could have done that at any time. Instead you insisted on leaving me hanging. Come on, Malfoy, That's the best idea I have ever heard! Please let me in on this!"

"First of all, call me Desari." I caught James's eye with a grin. "And second of all, if I let you in on this, you and your friends HAVE to let me in on something great you guys do. This is my first prank, and I don't want it to be my last."

"I'll have to talk with the boys. We've never let a non-marauder in on our plans before. I'm not sure how they'll feel about a snake in our midst, Desari." James smiled and even though we'd really only said a few words to each other, I could feel the beginnings of a great partnership. Maybe even a friendship one day.

"Talk to your fellow Princes of Pranks, but please make it fast. I have a wonderful offer here, and it won't be on the table forever." I smiled coyly at James just as Professor McGonagall dismissed the class. "I'm sure you'll find a way to deliver the news discreetly. Snivellus won't take kindly to me making deals with those bloody Marauders."

Before James could reply I had already left the classroom with my books in tow. It was hard to concentrate in my classes with my thoughts being consumed with my in the moment decision to try and join the pranksters, let alone the eager jump of my heart at the idea that they might let me. Never before, in all my time at Hogwarts, had I thought of doing something like this, to my own house no less. Plus, how the hell was I going to pull it off? Yeah, I have money, but surely the Slytherins aren't dense enough to actually wear muggle dresses, as funny as the idea is. Plus, if the marauders do happen to let me in, I would have to convince them that I was capable of doing it, even though I wasn't sure myself that I would be able to pull it off.

By dinnertime I had decided that the Gryffindor boys had decided that I wasn't trustworthy enough to let in. I was both relieved and hurt by the decision. On one hand, I had really wanted to do something crazy and fun for the first time. I had wanted to break the rules and live on the edge. On the other hand, I still hadn't figured out how I was going to fool my classmates into wearing dresses.

I was halfway through my plate of steak and chips when a tiny little Hufflepuff came up to me and tugged on my sleeve. "You're Miss Malfoy right?" Her quiet voice was barely heard over the din on the great hall. I looked her over in a way only a Slytherin could, assessing her weaknesses and strengths.

"I am indeed." I said coolly, though truthfully, I felt a little bad for her, walking into the den of snakes unprepared.

"Professor McGonagall would like you to report to the east wing of the seventh floor at eight for your detention. She said that she's a little busy, so you'll have to help Filch clean that hall." She said bravely lying to my face. I almost smiled at her, but to keep with her story I groaned.

"Tell McGonagall that I'll be there, but if Filch is a moment late, I'm going back to the library to finish my Potions essay." I grumbled and shooed the girl away. She would pass my message back to James and he would understand.

At the very end of dinner Professor Dumbledore stood up and gave the Great Hall his signature smile. "Now that our bellies are full and our eyes start to droop, I think it's time to announce that we're doing something new this year. This year, we're going to have Hogwarts first Halloween Masquerade Ball! I think it would be fun for our students to dress up and have some Halloween fun Muggle style. Costumes will be encouraged, but surely not required. Now off to bed with all of you."

The Great Hall erupted into whispers. The Slytherins were all talking about the masks they planned on wearing and I sighed. None of my own house would chose to dress in muggle costumes, but they would probably use the ball as an excuse to taunt the other houses.

Severus leaned in and whispered "You wanna be the only Slytherins to wear actual costumes? No one would know it's us if we hide our hair as well..."

I grinned and hugged my friend. "Oh Severus, you say the sweetest things. I would greatly enjoy that, but promise me you won't tell me what you're wearing. I want to see if I can pick you out of the crowd."

Severus chuckled lightly "Okay, my dear friend, I promise. But you can't tell me either."

I grinned and hugged him. "I didn't plan on it. You'll never find me first."

Severus laughed lightly. "Oh, you are so on, Malfoy. I'll pick you out of the crowd in ten minutes. Tops." He glanced at the clock. "But, you should probably get going. You wouldn't want to be late for the detention you didn't mention you had. Though, I would love to hear how you got it."

"Hardy har har, Severus. You know how McGonagall is." I waved a vague hand towards the Head Table. "A simple smart ass comment and she'll have you dusting fifty year old trophies for a year."

"Get going, Dez. It's nearly seven thirty."

I smiled at his nickname for me. I'd never been called a nickname before. "Okay, okay. I'm going."

I stood and left the hall, noticing that the mysterious Marauders had already disappeared. Surely at least one of them would meet me on the seventh floor, though why they would chose that hall was a mystery. There was nothing up there.


	5. First Marauder Meet

When I finally made it to our meeting place I saw Sirius Black leaning casually against a tapestry of trolls doing ballet. I giggled and called out to him. "Hey Filch! You going to make me clean your broomstick?"

Sirius chuckled. "I never would have imagined hearing such a crude joke from a proper lady like Abraxas Malfoy's shy daughter. Maybe it won't be so bad to marry you after all." He teased right back.

"Oh, Master Black, Heir of the Noble and most Ancient House of Black, I have absolutely no intention to marry you. You're far too much of a womanizing man-whore for a proper lady to settle down with you." I winked at him and smiled.

"I don't care for the idea of an arranged marriage either, Mistress Malfoy, who has almost no influence in the Ancient House of Malfoy." He smiled lightly. "Though I do find it interesting that the woman whose NAME means Bad Faith is calling me, a perfect gentleman, a man-whore."

"They can't make us do anything once we're seventeen. Yeah, one or both of us might get burned off the family tree, but I don't think it would be so bad to be kicked out of a family that arranged my marriage before I was born." I shrugged. "Anyways, shall we be on our way to the other troublemakers? I had an excellent idea over dinner."

"Oh, I do love when you have excellent ideas." He smirked as if we'd been friends all along despite not having talked since the train ride to Hogwarts in first year.

"Don't lie, Sirius Black. You only love my ideas if they include torturing my Serpentine comrades." I laughed lightly.

"Very true, my dear sneaky friend." Sirius smiled and stepped away from the tapestry to knock on the bare wall opposite him. I raised an eyebrow and wondered if he'd gone mad... Until a door opened out of the bare wall to reveal James Potter who was grinning like a madman.

"You two are engaged? Oh why didn't you tell me you were engaged Siri? I would have brought strippers." James laughed teasing his friend.

I blushed lightly. I'd never told anyone that. The only people who had known were my family and his.

Sirius saved me from coming up with a witty answer of my own. "Jamie, you must not have been listening. Desari here refused my proposal. She doesn't want to marry me. I'm just so distraught. How will I ever face my mother again?"

I giggled lightly. Walburga Black was a strict woman, but she was also a distant woman, especially when it came to her children. If he could get away with being friends with a blood traitor like Potter and a half blood like Lupin, then he could easily get away with denying his birth right to marry me.

Remus coughed awkwardly from where he was sitting in the far corner of the room. I took that as a cue to get my ass into the room. I stepped inside and looked around. It looked like I had always imagined the Gryffindor common room to look. There were red couches and chairs scattered around the warm fire lit room. Red walls with gold trim and a plush red rug in front of the fireplace. I smiled and went to said plush rug and laid down in it.

"Hello Lupin, Pettigrew. How are you James?" I turned to each one in turn making sure to greet everyone.

"Please, it's just Remus. Lupin sounds terribly informal for someone you plan on plotting things that could get you expelled with." Remus smiled at me. It wasn't like Sirius or James smile. It was a warm smile that had much more familiarity and much less confidence.

"Okay Remus. It's nice to actually meet you." I smiled lightly back at him and looked over the two quieter marauders. James's messy quidditch looks and Sirius's aristocratic charm were talked about by all the girls in Hogwarts, even the ones in my House, but Peter and Remus weren't talked about nearly as much.

Remus had sandy blonde hair and amber coloured eyes. He also had scars on his face and arms. I found myself wondering what had happened to him, though the scars looked like they were several years old. What I could see of his build made him look far too skinny in a tall and lanky kind of way, like he didn't eat enough. He also looked very tired, like he might be recovering from a particularly nasty cold. Come to think of it, he had indeed been absent from Defence against the Dark Arts for several days and had just returned to classes this morning.

Peter on the other hand was particularly less attractive than any of his best friends. I remembered the Slytherin girls saying that there was always a clearly less attractive person in every group of friends and if you didn't know who they were, then it was you. Peter was definitely that friend in this group. He had a rat tail haircut and buck teeth. Even his eyes were small and black and beady. He was heavier set than any of his friends and his eyes darted around like he expected a bully to materialize at any point and start hexing him. He really reminded her of a rat, in the same way that Sirius reminded her of an aristocrat. It was just who they were.

Sirius collapsed onto one of the couches and leaned on his elbow. "Okay, Miss Malfoy, please let us in on your wonderful idea."

I grinned and looked around, catching every eye before moving on. James's hazel eyes flashed with excitement. Sirius's stormy grey eyes, that reminded me too much of Lucius, sparkled with mischief. Remus's sunset amber eyes gazed back with curiosity. Peter's black eyes shone with fear. Once I was sure that all eyes were on me, I shared my plans with the boys.

"Dumbledore's announcement couldn't have come at a better time. It will be perfect. I think we should make a select few Slytherin's robes turn into muggle princess dresses at midnight, in the middle of the dance. It will be much easier than tricking them into actually putting them on. Plus, it should be rather ironic." I smiled lightly.

"Brilliant." Sirius chuckled.

"I think it should happen in a flashy way though, that way everyone around looks at them. You know like fairy god mother style." James chuckled.

"And their masks should disappear so everyone can see who it is that's turning into pretty princesses." Sirius chuckled.

"But who will be our lucky choices?" Peter asked in a timid voice.

I cast another glance around. James and Sirius were both grinning with excitement. Peter looked nearly as excited, though he also looked terrified at the same time. Even Remus had a small smile, despite the fact that he hadn't said anything yet.

"Severus is off limits. I'm okay with jinxing anyone else every way to Sunday, but Severus has enough to go through without us picking on him. Plus, he might figure out that I helped with this one, and Severus and I are friends." I said casting a serious look at each of them. I wanted them to know that they would have to get through me to get to Snape.

"Okay, I vote Dolohov. We can make him Cinderella, because he absolutely hates the colour blue and because she's the lamest." I smiled lightly. "I think we could make that bitchy Ravenclaw girl into her Prince, sideburns and all."

"I say Lestrange and Bellatrix should be Beauty and the Beast." Sirius said with a wicked grin. I smiled at the thought of Bella Black growing fur. I would find a way to make that happen.

James sighed. "I still want to make Severus a princess, but I suppose we could make Regulus into Sleeping beauty, asleep and all. No Prince for him." James seemed disheartened at the thought of being unable to taunt his rival.

"Okay, that's four Slytherins. And a Ravenclaw that I may or may not be able to do. They say that the password to the Ravenclaw tower is only a riddle, but I'm not sure how to do it without getting noticed." I chewed my lip. "I suppose we could leave her out as well, though. Any suggestions from you two?"

Remus shook his head silently and Peter scrunched up his nose with thought. Eventually he said. "I pick Avery. That makes it a total of five. One for each of us, though Remus technically didn't chose. And Avery should be... The little mermaid."

I smiled lightly. "That's perfect. I'll sneak their robes one of these days and we can meet here to do the spells. I'll also do something very special for Bella on my own time. She and I have some personal things to work out anyways."


	6. Wingman Duty

**AN:** I'm going to start slowing down my posts a little in hopes of getting a few more reviews... actually it's because I simply can't keep up with posting daily. I should be able to post every other day or so. It might be more like 3 or even 4 days sometimes though. I might actually post another chapter tomorrow as a birthday present to myself though. Still deciding.

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I spent the next few weeks researching my options of how to pull this off so that it happened at the perfect time and spending time with Severus, and though I did attend a few "debriefings" with the Marauders, it was mostly about them telling me their plans so that I could congratulate them and avoid the fallout.

"That's the twelfth spell you've taught yourself that will pull it off." A quiet voice whispered from just behind me and I jumped up and spun around pulling my wand on Remus Lupin. I took the opportunity to get my first good look at the quietest Marauder. Now that I was seeing him up close, I noticed that while he did look tired and slightly ill, he was actually rather handsome. The scars that would mar most people's looks actually accentuated his otherwise flawless skin giving him an air of maturity like a battle worn knight. His skinny, malnutritioned body actually was covered in sleek muscles like the world's best seekers. And his eyes had seemed to change colours slightly. Instead of being the colour of deep amber, today they were almost a dark yellowish shade.

"You scared the hell out of me Remus. Never sneak up on an experienced duellist. Even if they are your friend." I smiled lightly at the boy and set my wand on the table as I settled back into my seat.

"Sorry Desari." He gave me a boyish smile. "I just saw you in here the last few days and decided that you might need some help."

I laughed lightly. I had never seen any of the other marauders set foot in the library, but Remus seemed to be here every time I dropped by. I was usually with Severus, so I didn't bother attempting to talk to him, but the last few days I'd greeted him quickly before settling into a desk just two rows away from the restricted section. "Yeah, well, I can't seem to be able to decide on which one I like."

"I can help with that, though don't let the boys find out that I'm not a total goody two shoes. They might try to get my help all the time." He smiled and his amber-yellow eyes sparkled mischievously at me.

"I promise that I won't." I giggled and slid my notes over to him. "The first one is very flashy and would dispose of the masks easily, but it's not the kind of spell we can put a time delay on. But the last one is nearly perfect. It would essentially take effect exactly twenty four hours after it was cast, which would be easy, so long as you boys are willing to break curfew with me. The problem is, with that one, I'd have to transfigure the mask into something else too, and it wouldn't be flashy."

Remus poured over my notes for a little bit before looking up at me with a grin. "Okay, if we go with the second one, we're going to have to find a way to coax them onto the dance floor. You four can take care of the charms on their robes and masks. Bellatrix's can be just a moment after the other's, that way everyone can get a good look at them before they see Bella's masterpiece. I will handle getting them to the centre of the dance floor."

"You sneaky little brat, you're just trying to get out of breaking curfew, aren't you?" I teased him lightly.

"Well, a handsome prince such as myself needs his beauty rest to be able to crawl the castle all night on All Hollow's Eve." Remus said in a fairly accurate Sirius impression.

"Mr Lupin, calm yourself. You're going to make a delicate lady like me swoon if you continue this merciless seduction." I teased, winking at him. I couldn't help but notice how close I'd become with the marauders after only a few short weeks.

"Well, my delicate lady, I suppose I should lay off then." He joked, going along with it. "Perhaps another day."

I smiled slightly and glanced at my watch. "Well, that's my free period of the day. I must be off to meet up with my dear, greasy, dungeon crawler. I wouldn't want him growing suspicious of why I keep sneaking off."

Remus laughed lightly. "Oh, if you ask Lily to cover for you for a few hours, I doubt Severus would even notice your absence."

I smiled lightly. "I actually did recruit Lily this time. Told her that I had a divination essay to do, and she knows how he hates divination."

"But you're in Muggle Art that period…." Remus raised an eyebrow. "With James and I. How could you-"

"I'm not in Divination. But Lily and Severus take Arithmancy that period, so they don't know that." I smiled coyly. "Besides, I think they would make a great couple. I dunno what's stopping them."

"You don't know that James is in love with Lily, do you?" Remus chuckled. "Lily hasn't managed to have a boyfriend in nearly a year because James and Sirius terrorize any boy she might fancy."

"Isn't James dating that Hufflepuff girl with the big doe eyes?" I frowned as I distinctly remembered seeing them snogging on the second floor one day.

"Yeah, I'm not sure that he realizes that Lily doesn't want to be another check mark on his broomstick. Though I'm also sure that Lily doesn't know that she wouldn't be. James actually likes her. He just doesn't know how to express that."

"Let me guess, he's tried prank after prank and annoyed her to death with his arrogance?" I smiled lightly.

"Pretty much." Remus agreed as he headed back to his own desk which was strewn with homework.

I smiled and headed out to meet up with Severus in the common room. I smiled when I got to out portrait which was of Adam and Eve in the garden with Lucifer. I had always wondered if the other Slytherins realized that the muggles had turned this painting of the first parselmouth into their own religious icon. "Salazar's Chamber" I said and the snake hissed at me before the portrait opened.

I glanced around the common room. Rosier, Avery and a few other of the darker students were lounging in the far corner and talking in low voices. Rodolphus and Bellatrix were wrapped up in a nauseating embrace in another. There were other students scattered around playing wizard's chess and other such games. The only open seat was the couch right in front of the fire. No one liked to sit there, because it was the only well-lit seat in the whole underground common room.

I curled up on the couch with a muggle book and read by the fire light. I felt rather than saw Severus settle in beside me and I immediately stashed my book before he could realize what exactly it was.

"How was your play date with Evans?" I smiled lightly.

"Lily and I are just friends, Dez. How many times do I have to tell you that?" Severus sighed rubbing his temples as if he had a headache.

"Sev, you don't have to lie to me. I know you're just friends, but I also know you wish that you were more than that. You love her. I can see it in your eyes every time you so much as think about her." I set a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you just tell her how you feel and see where it leads?"

"Potter." Was his gruff answer.

"James Potter will terrorize you no matter what. Does it really matter why he does it?" I shrugged. "The way I see it, you either, ignore your feelings and lose her forever because you never gave her a chance, or you tell her and maybe live happily ever after. I mean, what's the worst that could happen if you tell her how you feel about her?"

"If I tell her how I feel and she doesn't feel the same, I could easily lose her as a friend. Being her friend is better than being nothing to her." Severus whispered.

"Oh, Sev." I pulled my friend into a hug. "I adore you to death, but you've got to do something about this. Lily's a kind and talented witch. She wouldn't abandon you just because you love her. Besides, what if she does love you back? Then the two of you could be happy together. You could get married and have cute little red haired babies."

"I don't think we should be thinking of marriage and babies quite yet. I mean we are only fifteen after all." Severus said dryly.

"Always the one to over-think, Sev. I just want my best friend to be happy, and if it takes a gorgeous witch like Lily Evans to do that, then I will make it my life long goal to help you win her heart." I smiled at him.

Severus sat together for hours that night. Sometimes we joked dryly about Lily or James or even Sirius, but mostly we sat in comfortable silence just enjoying each other's company. By the time we headed up to our respective dorms, we were both half asleep and thanking the lord that it was Friday.


	7. Remus Lupin

The next day was a Hogsmeade weekend and I smiled softly at the fact that Severus had promised me we would ask Lily for a drink in the Three Broomsticks. I watched him nervously playing with his green and silver tie at breakfast and laughed. "Oh, come here, you great oaf."

Severus stayed dead still as I tied his tie in an elegant knot that my father had taught me for a formal party once. It took me several minutes to do, but eventually it looked perfect. "I want you to ask Miss Evans to the Halloween Ball next weekend. Promise me that you'll ask, even if it's just as friends?"

Severus gave me a reluctant nod and nibbled on some toast. He hadn't eaten much of anything this morning and I had a feeling it was because he was nervous about this date. "Severus, don't think of it as a date right now. Think about it as a drink with your best friend. Don't psych yourself out. She'll enjoy herself. You'll enjoy yourself. Then, before you part ways, just ask her if she'd like to go to the ball with you. Don't use the word date, but also don't say anything about going as friends. Let her draw her own conclusion about it, okay?"

"Dez, I've never had a girlfriend. I don't know how to do this…" He keened nervously, and I noticed his voice had risen in pitch.

"I'm a girl, Sev. Take my advice. Calm down, enjoy yourself. Make lots of eye contact, but don't stare at her. Sit close, but don't crowd her. Call her Lil or Lilz. Nicknames are endearing, but don't jump straight into sweetheart or anything. Listen to everything she says and respond to her. Even if she wants to prattle on about James Potter, I want you to listen to every word and give her a genuine reply without being rude. And try to remember the little things. Like if she says a necklace if pretty as you walk by a shop, you remember that necklace and I will help you buy it for her. You see where I'm going with this?"

Severus nodded and whispered. "Eye contact. Nicknames. Listen to her. Remember the little things. Yeah. I think I've got it. This will be fun. It'll be great."

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "Don't forget to ask her to the ball. Don't make a romantic speech, but also make sure you let her know it would make you happy. You've got this, tiger. You are the Dungeon Master. You can do this. You can win Lily's heart."

Severus gave me a grateful smile as he left the great hall, straightening his robes and fixing his tie yet again. I sincerely hoped that Lily would say yes to him. He could really use a confidence boost if he was going to woo her.

I decided not to go to Hogsmeade myself and instead, I headed to the library to do some light reading and hopefully brainstorm something new for the Marauders. I really didn't want this alliance to be a one-time deal.

A few hours later, I felt eyes on the back of my neck. I turned silently and my eyes met the amber eyes of Remus Lupin. He had wisely stayed several paces away this time as he waited for me to notice him. I smiled. "Come sit down with me, Remus. I always enjoy company."

Remus smiled weakly. "Can't sit. Too restless. Wondering if you'd like to go on a walk. James and Sirius ditched me and Pete's doing homework."

I rolled my eyes. "They aren't bothering Severus and Lily are they?" I asked as I put my books away. I had come up with a couple weak ideas, but nothing solid. I had however gotten myself ahead in all my classes.

Remus laughed. "Not that I know of. James was playing wingman for Sirius. He has his eye set on a pretty Ravenclaw and James is taking out the ugly friend."

I smiled. "That's good. I convinced Severus to ask Lily to the ball, and I don't want anything messing up the confidence boost I gave him this morning."

Remus shrugged. "She was complaining just the other day that no one but James had asked her. Said she would probably end up going with her friends."

I smiled. The thought gave me hope for my unfortunate friend. Remus and I started walking towards the grounds as we chatted about the odds of Lily accepting Severus's offer. I was actually rather hopeful. "Remus, do you think you could figure out what she plans on wearing? I want to make sure they match if she accepts."

Remus chuckled lightly. "Of course I can. I think she deserves a nice relationship while she waits for James to grow up."

I shook my head lightly. "James growing up? I think that's rather hopeful of you. He's the most immature boy I've ever met, excluding Sirius, of course."

"Of course."

Remus and I spent the day wandering the grounds and getting to know each other. By the time the other students were returning from Hogsmeade, I knew more about Remus than I did about any of the other Marauders. Maybe even more than I knew about Severus. He'd laughingly told me that his favourite colour was green and that he'd almost hoped that he was sorted into Slytherin for the sheer reason that he could wear green and not get looked at funny. I also learned that he had lost his father when he was young. The man had run out on him and his poor mother. His mother on the other hand was a kind woman who sounded like the picture of motherly love. He had no siblings, though he thought of his friends as family. His favourite thing to do was take a walk in the woods or curl up with a good book.

I'd told him about myself as well. I told him of my mother who had died tragically when I was young. I told him of my brother who, while he hid it well, was a good and loving man with many faults. I told him that my favourite colour was purple and that I loved reading muggle fairy tales and romances. I told him almost everything about myself. I even told him of how my engagement to Sirius came about and my plans to get out of it. The only thing I'd left out of our conversation was my father. It would have ruined the mood, not to mention put him in danger.

When we finally parted ways, I found myself smiling. I settled excitedly into my usual seat, right in front of the fire and waited for Severus. And I waited. And waited. It was nearly curfew when he finally entered the common room. He smiled brighter than I'd ever seen him and I just knew that today had been a success.

"Oh get over here and spill the beans Severus Snape. I've been waiting very impatiently for hours!" I squealed literally pulling him onto the couch beside me.

"She said yes."

"Oh come on, Snape. Can't you do better than that? I mean I am your best friend. And it was my idea in the first place. Please, please, please?" I begged, punching him lightly on the arm and smiling like the Cheshire cat.

"Oh, fine you impatient snake of a woman." He rolled his eyes. "It took me a few hours to find her, but when I did, she ditched that Gryffindor girl, Marlene McKinnon and joined me in the Three Broomsticks. We talked for a while and we were so wrapped up in the conversation that she hardly noticed Potter cat calling her from across the room. When it finally got unbearable, we went on a walk and did some shopping. While she was in the ladies room, I bought her this. She'd had her eye on it the entire time we were in the store. Said it was out of her price range."

I smiled and took the jewellery box he held out to get a look at it. It was a beautiful gold locket that was engraved with a lion's head and had rubies set into the eyes. I smiled lightly at the simple elegance. "Oh it's beautiful, Severus. You have to give it to her as soon as you meet up before the dance. Oh, Severus, how did you afford it?"

Severus made a slight face. "It cost every galleon my Mother gave me for the term. It was very expensive."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh don't worry about it. She'll love it, and I can loan you some money. You can pay me back when you become a renowned Potion Master."

Severus smiled warmly. "You're the best friend a snake could ask for, Dez. I don't think any of these other saps would even offer, let alone give me such a broad timeline." Severus hugged me lightly.

"By the way, our no telling deal is off. I have to be allowed to help you get ready for your date with Lily. It's in the Wingman's Code." I nodded sternly. "As your official wingman, I get to dictate what you wear so I can make you Lily's perfect date."

"But I already-"

I cut him off with a smile. "Don't worry about it. I will buy you a second outfit. I have a source in Gryffindor Tower that will be telling me what she's wearing so that I can make it match what I put you in."

"It's not Black, is it? I mean I know you're engaged and all, but he would tell you she's wearing a cow suit or something just to humiliate me." Severus grimaced.

"You know?" I asked softly, panic filling my heart. I didn't want to lose my friend over some stupid arranged marriage that I wanted no part of.

"Yeah. Lucius told me last year. He mentioned that he was worried about his little sister marrying some blood traitor from the Lion's Den." Severus shrugged lightly. "I know you don't like him, so I wouldn't hold it against you. I will however hold it against him that he's snogging every girl he can get his paws on while clearly not on the market."

"Sirius and I don't plan on going through with it. I figure I'll tell my father that I don't want to marry a Gryffindor as soon as I find a better idea of who I wouldn't mind marrying. The problem is, no one's even caught my eye. Even a little." I shrugged staring into the fire.

"Oh, bloody hell, you're lying!" Severus grabbed my shoulders and gently forced me to look him in the eye. "You've got a crush. Oh, who is it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Sev." I said trying to keep a blank face, but I could feel the heat in my cheeks betraying me.

"Oh, don't you lie to me. Is that why you weren't in Hogsmeade? Were you meeting up with your Prince Charming in the empty school?" He asked. "It's someone your father won't approve of. Otherwise you would have already suggested it to him. Is it someone that I won't approve of?"

"Sev, it's a stupid teenage crush. I'm not in love with him or anything. Don't worry about it. I promise you'll be the first to know if I ever need a wingman of my own." I blushed dark red and looked into the flames. I sincerely hoped that my slight crush would go away rather than blooming. I wouldn't like having to explain to my father that I would rather marry a half-blood than the pure-blooded heir to an ancient house.


	8. Prefect Bath

I'm sooooo sorry about all the time it's been since I posted a chapter. I haven't actually written anything for this story in like a month so right now I'm slowly running out of the pre-written stuff. I've hit a total writers block, but I'll keep trying. Anyways thanks so much to Saskia Valerie for leaving me a review and also reminding me that people are reading. I'm glad that you like Dez, because I like her too. Anyways, the show must go on now.

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The following week passed by quite quickly. I spent my days doing school work and my nights teaching the marauders the spell that we planned on using for the dresses. Thursday and Friday both passed by without a sign from Remus and Friday night when we met in the same room, this time decorated in darker reds and dimmer lights, the other boys looked rather exhausted.

"Where has Remus been these last couple days?" I asked softly as we got ready to part ways.

"His aunt died. He had to go home for the funeral." Sirius muttered sleepily as he helped me pack up the robes so I could return them to their rightful owners.

"Will he… um… be back for the unveiling? He told me that he would handle getting them to the centre of the dance floor." I asked, looking interestedly at Bellatrix's elegant mask. "I'm not sure that I can do that on such short notice now."

Sirius shrugged. "Yeah. If he said he'd be there he will. He might not be at the rest of the dance, but he'll get his part done."

Sirius and I parted ways them so that they could get some sleep for the dance and I could finish our plans.

The next morning dawned bright and early for me and I put on a wicked grin before sneaking out of my private dorm and into the sixth year boys dorm. I knocked lightly on the fame of Severus's bed, hoping not to wake any of the other fifth year boys who were in various arrays of nakedness. "Sev, it's time to get up. You need to get in the shower."

After several minutes of groaning I heard Severus finally roll over and sit up. "Dez," He groaned in an adorable sleepy way that reminded me of Lucius. "It's too early for this. Go back to bed."

"No. Get up Severus." I said firmly. "It's going to take me all day to make sure you look perfect tonight. Not to mention making sure that I do."

Severus pulled open his curtains and I thanked the lord that he had worn pyjama pants the night before. "Desari Malfoy, I am seriously planning your death right now."

I smiled and kissed his cheek. "Good. Now get in that shower and wash yourself up. We are leaving in an hour. I want you to meet me in the common room with your swim trunks. Don't ask me why because I refuse to tell you."

Severus groaned again. "What am I supposed to wear? You won't let me anywhere near my costume. You haven't even told me what it is."

I giggled happily. "Whatever you want. Actually wear your swim trunks and make sure to bring some dry undergarments."

Severus and I parted ways, him quite grumpily, so that we could both shower. I quickly dried my hair with my wand and smiled. When I was sure that I looked like the perfect lady my father would expect me to be, I went down to the common room with my outfit as well as Severus's in black dress bags over my arm. Severus was waiting for me in a chair by the portrait with his school bag on his lap. I smiled and took him by the arm, dragging him with me as I headed for the Prefect's bath.

We finally got there and I said the password that Remus had given me. I hadn't asked Remus how he'd gotten it and he hadn't offered. Luckily, though, the bath was empty when we entered and I cast a spell to lock the door. It wouldn't actually keep any prefects from interrupting, but according to Remus it was enough to let them know that there was someone inside that didn't want interrupted.

"Why did you bring me to a bath?" Severus asked with his face flushing as red as his date's hair.

"Oh don't be a wuss, Sev. I told you to bring your swim trunks for a reason." I rolled my eyes. "I do NOT want to see you naked."

"Then why?"

I sighed. "Severus, I plan on doing something about that greasy ass hair of yours, whether you like it or not. I wore my swimsuit as well and if I have to I will drag you into that bath kicking and screaming. I would much rather do this the civil way though. I'll sit on the side of the bath and help you manage that mess."

After some arguing and screaming, Severus found himself in a swimming pool sized bath that smelled of mint and ginger and I sat on the side of the bath, thankfully mostly dry. Severus was still glaring at me though.

"Oh just shut up and come here. You want to look nice for Lily don't you?" I asked as I pulled a bottle of hair-care potion from my pocket. I had known exactly what I needed to do since last Sunday when Remus had told me what Lily planned on doing.

Severus stood in the bath next to where I perched on the edge and reluctantly allowed me to tame his hair with potions and muggle shampoos and other such things. When I was finally satisfied that his unruly hair couldn't be fixed any better, I tapped him on the shoulder and let him rinse his hair one last time.

"Okay, here's a couple towels and your outfit for tonight. I'm going to go slip into mine and then we're going somewhere else to finish up the last details." I sat the towels on the floor a little ways from the bath so they wouldn't get soaked and slid into one of the changing stalls along the edge of the room.

I pulled on my knee length, black silk dress that fanned out at the waist with red tulle. I admired my own pale skin for a moment before hitching the belt, which had silver bullets and empty holsters, including a holster for my wand and a pocket which was bigger on the inside where I could carry anything else I might need. Then I pulled on my red motorcycle boots with black trim that happened to be genuine wolf fur and my blood red cape with a hood. The final touch, for now, was a pure silver cross necklace that always seemed to settle between my breasts, even when I walked. My hair got pulled back into my hood and my hood pulled up to cover my face.

When I peeked out from my stall, I saw that Severus was already dressed for the most part, so I came out to grin at him. "Well, what do you think, my companion? Does this dress not look great on me or what?" I did a theatrical spin, causing the skirt to flare around my thighs and my cape to flutter along behind me.

"Isn't a little low-cut?" He asked with an awkward frown as he purposely looked anywhere but me.

"Sev, be a man about it. Halloween is the one day all year long that I can show everyone that I'm not the proper lady that my father raised. Besides, I had to buy a real dress as build my costume from the ground up. I would have made yours a little more unique and special too, but I didn't have much time, and Lily wanted to make it difficult for me." I rolled my eyes.

"I am going to match her right? I don't want to go to the ball dressed in purple if I'm not going to even match." He grumbled.

"Trust me, you'll match." I smiled lightly. "She's going as a muggle superhero, and you're her signature villain. Did you watch television when you were younger? Or read comics at least?"

"No." Was his grumpy reply.

"Well, too bad for you then." I frowned. "Fortunately for you, Lily and Remus happened to read the same comics. She's putting an elegant and feminine spin on a muggle comic hero called Batman. Remus and I strategized and planned all day last Sunday and we came up with the perfect elegant spin on Batman's favourite villain, the Joker. That's who you're going as. It'll work out, I promise. It'll work even better if you smile the biggest, craziest grin you can when you pose for photos or whatever."

"Fine, I trust you, Desari. I really hope you know what you're talking about though." Sev sighed and looked me over again, careful not to linger on my exposed cleavage. "But who the heck are you supposed to be?"

"I'm an original spin on Little Red Riding Hood. I'm Red, the werewolf hunter." I smiled and ran my fingers over the holsters that were supposed to carry silver guns and daggers. "I just so happened to decide that it would probably be best if I didn't show up armed with real weapons and I didn't want to find fake ones. The real ones are locked in a trunk under my bed at Malfoy Manor. Even these bullets are real, even if they are useless without the proper guns."

Severus shrugged "Well, I guess that is pretty cool. What kinds of masks are we wearing?"

"That would be telling, Sev." I teased and took his arm. The fine fabric of his suit felt fantastic against my skin and I smiled. Lily wouldn't be able to keep her hands off Sev when I was done with him. "Besides, we're late for lunch."

Severus paled slightly. "I c-can't go to lunch like this! This is a muggle suit, even if it is nice. I can't let them see me wearing this without the mask!"

I giggled and checked that no one was in the hallway before pulling him behind me and following the path Remus had indicated on his weird map. Severus and I travelled the lesser used hallways with me standing point and him trailing behind me. If anyone would have seen us, they would have seen a flash of a red cape followed by a purple and green blur as Severus darted after me.

We made it to the seventh floor without incident. When we got close to the secret room, the one Remus had called the Room of Requirement, I pulled Severus into an empty classroom. "The Gryffindors were about to turn that corner. Potter and his lot." I whispered.

Severus went silent and looked at me worriedly. He really didn't want to hear what James would say if he saw him now. I smiled, glad that the thought had worried him. I put a finger to my lips and glanced out of the room, scanning the hall. It was empty, as I knew it would be.

I handed Severus my cape. "They're gone, but I don't want to take any chances. Put this on and pull it over your eyes. When I come back, I want your face to be covered so well you can't see. You do trust me right?"

I didn't wait for an answer as I silently left the room. I paced in front of the tapestry and opened the door that appeared. It was a beautiful Slytherin style suite with a bathroom, a kitchen, a living room, and even a bedroom. It was perfect.

"Jenna." I said softly, calling my favourite house elf. "Are you guys almost done with my picnic for Severus?"

The small little house elf nodded. "Yes! Jenna made a basket. Jenna will bring it right now!"

"Okay Jenna. I'll be right back. I'm going to go get Severus. Please put the basket on the table for me? I want it to be a surprize." I smiled at the house elf and with a pop she was gone. I turned and headed back to Severus, leaving the door to the RoR open just a crack so I wouldn't have to pace again.


	9. Lily's Hot Date

Severus didn't look at me as I entered. He probably hadn't noticed yet. I smiled "Hey Sev." I said softly. He jumped a little but obediently reached out an arm to let me lead him to our destination.

"Pull that ridiculous hood off now. You won't need to worry about it in here." I smiled as I lightly pushed him towards the couch in front of the fireplace and grabbed the basket. I passed him a plate of sandwiches and took one for myself. They were both labelled and when I bit into my first one, I tasted turkey, tomatoes, and pepper jack cheese. It was the perfect sandwich and by Severus's groan, his was perfect too.

"Try not to get too messy. We need to get back to work soon. I'm not quite done with you yet." I smiled as we both enjoyed our late lunch. We may have gotten up early today, but between all the time we had spent washing Sev's hair and getting ready, it was already one in the afternoon and the ball starts at six. Severus sighed wearily. He wasn't used to spending all day getting ready for anything.

An hour later, both of us had eaten our fill and were taking a few minutes to lounge before getting back to work. Finally I sighed and stood up. "Into the bathroom. I want you to shave and wash your face and brush your teeth again. Full on morning routine. I'm going into the bedroom to work on my own hair."

I slid into the bedroom which was, thankfully, filled with mirrors and brushed out my hair. Then I applied a bit of makeup. Some mascara to make my eyes pop, a little bit of eyeliner to give me the look of a seductress. The beautiful ebony wolf mask with gold and red runes on it was placed on top of that. It stayed in place with no little bit of magic so that I wouldn't have to style my hair around a band. The final touch for my costume was to effortlessly dye my hair deep black to match, though if it caught the firelight just right, it too looked red as blood. I looked myself over in the mirror and decided that I was unidentifiable, especially when I pulled my cape back on and enchanted my eyes to shine as bright silver as my necklace.

Severus stared at me when he came out of the bathroom, groomed and ready for the final touches to his own outfit. I smiled and patted the couch in front of me indicating that he pick his jaw up off the floor and take a seat. He did, slowly.

"Dez, you look fantastic. I mean, you don't look like you, which is good considering what our classmates would say, but you still look fantastic." He rambled as I set to work on him. I put some last minute details on his hair and fixed his mask in place. I even charmed his eyes to shine a dark emerald rather than their normal black. It would be enough to hide him from the Slytherins, but not so much that Lily wouldn't recognize him at hall. Finally I made him hold his prop for the night and pose for me.

I smiled at my own work as the deep purple of his suit clashed elegantly with his emerald vest and black tie. You could barely notice the lavender dress shirt underneath it all. The feathery emerald hair falling to his shoulders barely resembled the greasy black mess that he usually dawned thanks to hours of potion fumes. The emerald and royal purple mask on his face was adorned with gems and the curls at the top really did look like a regal jester's hat, bells and all. The silver cane in his hand ended with a pure silver skull wearing a purple and green jester hat. It made my usually bat-like friend look regal and dignified, and dare I say slightly sexy? The whole look was perfected on him. I couldn't wait for Lily to see.

"You go check yourself out. I'll be right back." I grinned at my friend and slid into the bathroom to do some last minute grooming of my own. I may not have a date to this stupid ball, but I was determined to have every boy in school wishing that they had bothered to ask me. I finished off my look with blood red lipstick that was on the very border of sexy and slutty. When I was pleased with myself, I stepped out to see an empty room. I frowned and stepped into the bedroom of the suite.

Severus stood there in all his regal glory grinning like the Cheshire cat and checking himself out. I could easily tell that he was impressed with all my hard work. When he finally turned to me, his temporarily emerald eyes sparkled. "Dez, you've outdone yourself. I look fantastic, which is something I would never usually say. The mask hides my giant nose. My hair looks like it's alive. I dare say, even James Potter is going to be jealous of Lily's handsome date." He smiled teasing slightly. He may be trying to play it cool, but I could see that he really did appreciate what I had done for him.

I smiled slightly and glanced at the clock. It was five o'clock. The dance would be starting in an hour. We were both looking immaculate and I was very proud of my time crunching skills. It usually took me the whole day to get myself prepared for these things, let alone getting the most clueless man on the planet ready as well. "What time do you meet Lily?"

Severus smiled at the sound of her name. "I meet her in half an hour down by the entrance to the Great Hall. She seemed to think that she wouldn't be able to find me in the crowd if we met any later than that."

I giggled lightly at the thought. "Do you mind if I walk you down? I would love to see how this little vixen of yours did for you."

Severus blushed under his mask. I could see the slight flair of pink at the very edge of where his mask cut off. "She's not a vixen, Dez. I actually like her. She's smart and funny and kind, not just pretty."

Severus and I walked in silence towards the great hall. I stopped him on the last staircase. His nervousness was starting to make me nervous. "Sev, relax yourself. You look great, remember? You'll do fine. All you have to do is act like you always do around her. If she likes you, that's the side of you she wants to see anyways. No girl is going to be impressed if you can't even hold a conversation just because she's pretty."

Severus nodded and took a few deep breaths, trying to follow my advice. He seemed to calm down after a few moments and eventually he could breathe easily again.

"Okay. Now that you're calm, I want you to do exactly as I say." I stared at him for a moment to make sure he was listening to me. "I want you to walk up to her at a normal pace. Don't run up and clobber her. Don't slowly creep towards her. Don't even look at what she's wearing, okay?"

Severus nodded slowly.

"Good. We're on the same page now." I smiled and set my hand on his shoulder. "I want you to give her that necklace in your breast pocket and tell her that you saw it and thought of her. Only after she takes the necklace are you allowed to ogle her. While she and I are distracted with the necklace, you can have a few moments to check her out and recover your ability to speak. I want you to pick one thing that looks great about her today. Don't just tell her she looks fantastic. I want you to pick one thing."

Severus sighed. "Is it supposed to sound like the most difficult thing in the world?"

"No, it's supposed to be easy, but boys aren't born knowing how to flirt. It's a skilled art and it takes lots of practice and a very patient woman to teach boys to do it right." I smiled lightly. "Now, look over my outfit and pick one thing that looks great."

"Your necklace matches your eyes. It brings my attention to your eyes" He said awkwardly.

"Okay, that's a fantastic start. Try to use words that are a little more confident. But don't be too confident. Don't say anything Potter would say." I smiled and patted his shoulder comfortingly. "Try something more like, Severus, the jewels in that mask really make your eyes pop. I never realized how beautiful they were."

Severus nodded slowly and looked me over again. "Desari, Red is a beautiful colour on you. It makes you look like a porcelain doll."

I grinned. "You're a master at this Sev. I feel all warm and fuzzy, even though I had to fish for that compliment."

Severus and I entered the Entrance Hall and we both laid eyes on Lily at the same time. I lead the way towards her while he tried to focus on staying calm and not checking her out too obviously.

"Hey, Batzy! Look who I've brought you?" I called to her, hoping that my voice would help snap Severus back to his senses.

"Oh, Little Red! You've brought me my very own Joker? How sweet of you," She cooed playing along. Severus smiled at that and reached into his pocket.

"Lily… I uh… I got you something. I s-saw it and it made me think of you." He said shakily. I grimaced at how pre-planned the words sounded, but there was nothing I could really do about it now.

Fortunately for Severus, Lily didn't seem to notice in the slightest. She took the box Severus had held out and opened it. "Oh Severus, you didn't have to-" She fell silent as her eyes drifted to the locket. I looked at her expression thoughtfully. She was shocked, but I couldn't find a hint of any negative emotion. I was sure when she recovered it would be with an excited squeal and a hug for my dear friend.

Severus was staring blatantly at Lily's outfit. I couldn't really blame him though. Lily's ankle length black dress was skin tight and hugged her blossoming curves in an elegant, yet very sexy way. The neckline wasn't too low, but the bright gold bat signal across the chest drew your eyes to her breasts anyway. The shimmery gold belt tied at her waist was an elegant reminder of the nature of her costume without losing the femininity of it. She had elbow length gold gloves that matched perfectly. Even her knee high, high heeled boots were the perfectly regal counterpart to Batman and you could see them though the split up the side of her skirt. Her face was covered with a suede bat mask that covered her eyes, but left her cheeks and nose exposed. Her red hair cascaded down her shoulders in fancy looking curls and her green eyes matched the emeralds on Severus's mask.

By the time Lily recovered, Severus was gently pulling the locket from the box. "Here, let me get that for you." He whispered, stepping behind her, necklace in hand. I watched as she pulled her hair out of the way to let him put the necklace on her. "That mask really brings out the green in your eyes. I'm afraid they make all these emeralds seem like a waste of time." He whispered in her ear just as he hitched the clasp.

I smiled and left the couple to themselves. I could find someone else to bother.


	10. Meeting Moony

**_A.N Sorry I keep forgetting about this. I've hit a major block... but thanks for reading anyways and reviews make my day, so a special thanks to WamapokeIndian for the review. I'm going to try writing more soon because I'm running out of premade chapters... Hope you all enjoy._**

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I spent the first hour of the dance drinking and dancing with James, Sirius, and Peter. They had all dressed up, but unlike me, they hadn't bothered to do anything with their hair or even wear masks. James had dressed up as a vampire, fangs and all. His costume was very traditional and Dracula styled in red and black with a cape. Sirius had deigned to be a pirate. He had forgone the stereotypical hook and eye patch in exchange for something more culturally accurate, or at least more attractive. He had a black silk shirt with billowy arms and a very open neck, exposing his chest. His pants were tight and made of leather. He had a red scarf tied around his head and an expensive, but decorative cutlass tucked into his equally red belt. Peter had decided to go as a ninja. I could barely look at him without bursting out laughing. He had a black hood and a face mask. The only thing you could see what his eyes. But he was also a chubbier kid than most of us. His black robes made him look like an oversized child who was about to go trick or treating. It wasn't a pleasant look. Remus was still missing.

Sirius went off with some girl dressed as Jasmine from Aladdin and James was dragged off by some Slytherin who thought just because her face was covered, it didn't matter that James was a Gryffindor. Peter and I parted ways shortly later and I found myself standing alone in a far corner of the Great Hall with Sirius's self-refilling flask of firewhiskey.

I slid the flask into the pocket of my utility belt, but didn't look up as I heard someone walk up to me. Teachers had been coming over to check on me periodically all night. "I'm fine, alright, professor? I'm not crying or snogging, now go break up those two lovebirds who stole my table." I said softly.

"Awe, how cute." A low, sexy growl answered. "Not only did you dress up all pretty just for me, but you're into games too. I could get down with that."

I looked up at the man with all intents set on a glare, but his outfit stopped me. The man was wearing what could have been a nice muggle suit once. The white jacket and pants were torn and frayed. The blood red dress shirt was shredded, though it still covered more than enough to be considered decent. I could see a few scars on the small amount of his chest that was visible and the hint of a tattoo peeked out from a gap where a button was missing. His gorgeous tribal wolf mask was white and silver and covered his whole face as well as having white wolf fur draped down the back of it to cover his hair and the back of his neck. The eyes that peeked out of the eye holes were a gorgeous, animalistic yellow and I had the feeling that I was staring into the eyes of a real wolf.

"Sweet heart, I don't know who you are, but I didn't dress up for you. I dressed up for myself. I look hot as hell and bad ass to boot." I smiled brightly.

"That hurts, Desari." He growled. I could hear the smile in his voice, despite being unable to see it. "Though you are right. You do look hot as hell. Then again, you always look hot as hell to me."

I frowned "How do you know who I am? I dyed my hair and everything…. Can everyone tell who I am?" I covered my chest protectively.

"No, my dear. I had no idea who was hiding in the corner until I heard your voice." He chuckled and looked me over. "Might I say that you look beautiful though?"

"It would be more heartfelt if I knew your name, since you so obviously know mine." I smiled, relaxing.

"Well, as tempting as that is, my dear Desari, I feel the need to leave you in the dark for tonight." His voice had that tone of a smile again and I couldn't help smiling in return. "I promise that I'll tell you one of these days."

"Oh, you're a heartbreaker." I teased, slapping his shoulder.

He smiled and took a step back to check out my outfit in detail. "And you're wearing an awful lot of silver. Trying to tell this old wolf something?"

I giggled and smacked his shoulder playfully again. "I'm Red the Werewolf Hunter. How do you expect me to avenge my poor old grandmother without a fair deal of silver to take out the wolf who killed her?"

He tilted his head lightly. "I'm fairly sure that you wouldn't know what to do if you encountered a werewolf like myself on the night of the full moon." He brushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"Oh, my dear, I would never actually hurt a real werewolf. Those poor creatures can't help what they are." I smirked evilly. "But some arrogant wanna-be? I could tame you in ten minutes, pup."

He wrapped an arm around my waist. "Is that a challenge love?"

I leaned into his shoulder. The rational side of my mind was telling me that I had no idea who this arrogant jerk was, but the firewhiskey had made that voice quiet. "Yep, definitely a challenge. By the time I'm done with you, you'll be wearing a collar and playing dead, baby."

"I'd rather be dead, babe." He growled lowly.

I smiled and pulled out my flask again, taking a healthy swig. The dance floor was slowly thinning as people got tired and couples found a quiet place to show their love and lust for each other. I glanced at the clock. Fifteen minutes until touch down. I glanced around the Great Hall meeting the Marauder's eyes. James had gotten away from his Slytherin counterpart. Sirius had his arm around Jasmine, though he wasn't attached to her at the lips anymore. Peter was at the table closest to the refreshment table. I still couldn't see a sign of Remus though. I didn't see his shaggy blonde hair or even his amber eyes as I probed the room.

"Desari?" The wolf beside me asked softly. "You okay, babe? You look like your heart is being ripped from your chest."

"I'm fine."

"Oh, you're waiting for someone, huh?" The wolf boy's voice was a grin again. "Did some idiot of a boy stand you up?"

"Not exactly, Moony." I shrugged lightly. "I, uh, never actually asked him to this stupid dance, and he never asked me. So, I'm drowning my sorrows."

"Moony huh?"

"You won't tell me your name, so why not?" I looked the boy over, repressing the urge to trace one of the scars I could see along his collar. What is it with me and scars? I asked myself silently. "You know, werewolves and the moon, or whatever."

"I think I like it." He chuckled and gently took the flask from my hand. I thought it was so he could have a drink, but instead he put in in the inner pocket of his jacket. "Also, I think you may have had enough from Black's flask."

"Doesn't matter what you think, Moony. Sirius trusted me with that flask and I intend on giving it back to him on my way back to my dorm. Which will be in about ten minutes." I glared at him and reached forward to take the flask back.

"I'll make sure he gets it back." Moony said grabbing my wrist to stop me. I growled lowly at him and tried to jerk my hand back. He growled back and grabbed my other wrist pinning them both above my head.

"I can't do this right now." I whispered breathlessly.

"Does that mean that you might want to do this some other time?"

"Moony, you need to let me go. As sexy as being pinned to the wall by you is, your girlfriend might not like it." I whispered half-teasing.

"That's funny, Desari." He whispered, his breath hot on my neck. I closed my eyes and bit my lip to stop myself from moaning. He pulled my lip from between my teeth with his own and pressed a hot, searing kiss to my lips. My eyes snapped open in shock, but he was gone. My hands were free and I could no longer feel the press of his body against mine. I looked around, searching for him, but I saw nothing.

I sighed and leaned my head against the wall. Alcohol and lust were a potent mixture in my blood. I could barely hold myself upright. Suddenly, seeing the Slytherins as Disney Princesses didn't sound nearly as interesting as it had before. I leaned against the wall as I stumbled out of the Great Hall, five minutes before midnight.

I was halfway to the stairs that lead to the dungeon when I felt an arm wrap around me to help me stand. I tried to pull away and would have fallen if Severus hadn't caught me and helped me back to my feet.

"What are you doing, Sev? You and Lily were having a great time last I saw." I groaned, pushing him back towards the Great Hall. "Go win your woman."

"Dez, the dance is almost over, and Lily understands. My wingman is drunk and I need to walk her back to the dorms so she doesn't end up passed out in the dungeons. Think of what Filch would say if he saw you right now."

Severus led me right to the door of my private dorm. I'm pretty sure he would have followed me inside and tucked me in if there weren't a charm on the door not to allow anyone but me to pass through. He watched from the doorway as I stumbled to the bed and fell face first onto the emerald green sheets.

"Sleep well, little sister." He smiled as he shut the door.


	11. The Break Up

Thanks again to my readers, especially my Guest reviewer and WamapokeIndian for replying again. I keep trying to remember you guys, but I'm so stuck on this, lol. Until next time XD.

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Severus let me sleep through breakfast and even hide in my room though lunch. By the time dinner came around, Severus's patience was at its end, despite the fact that I still felt like complete shit. He pounded loudly on my door, though to me it felt like he was pounding directly on my skull.

"Dez, I know you're still hung over, but it's time to get out of bed. Get dressed and meet me in the common room in half an hour or else I'm going to send Bella Black in and she's in a terrible mood today." He yelled.

I slowly rolled out of bed. I showered quickly and brushed my teeth in the dark. I pulled on the first set of robes I touched and opened the door of my dorm just as Severus was about to knock again.

"Dinner's in ten minutes." He said simply.

I sighed and walked past him without a word. The lights in the dim common room felt like shards of glass to my eyes and the voices blurred into a screech to my sensitive ears. Even Severus's hand on my shoulder felt harsh and painful.

"You'll feel better once you eat something. You were pretty drunk last night." Sev whispered steering my out of the common room and up to the Great Hall. It was nearly empty when we arrived. There were a few Ravenclaws with their noses in their books or essays laid in front of them, two young Hufflepuffs gossiping (probably about the Marauder's newest prank), and Remus and Lily.

I looked at Sev for just a moment before I walked directly to the Gryffindor table, dragging my best friend with me. "Hey Remus. Lily." I smiled trying to show more enthusiasm than I felt.

"Here." Remus said, passing me a vial. "It's Sirius's hangover cure. He said it was his fault in the first place and he should be the one to help you out."

I drank the vial in a single gulp and set my head on the table as Severus and Lily talked. I felt a reassuring hand grasp mine and I knew without looking that it was Remus's. There was a certain warmth to his skin that I couldn't mistake.

"By the way, Lily, Sorry for stealing your date last night. I was a little drunker than I realized." I muttered once the voices had dulled to a tolerable level.

"It's okay, Red." She said teasing. "I'm the one who told him to go after you. He seemed a little reluctant to leave my side. Especially after I kissed him goodnight."

I smiled softly as I remembered my own goodnight kiss. Or maybe it had been a goodbye kiss. I still had no idea who mystery boy was.

"That reminds me, who was that sexy piece that you were snogging last night? I didn't think you had a date." Lily smiled as if she'd read my mind.

I giggled. "I have no idea. He ditched me before the masks came off. Actually, I think I left before the masks came off…. I don't remember…" I looked at my red haired friend and she was wearing a knowing smirk.

"Yeah, that was pretty genius. I wonder how the marauders came up with it." She winked at me and glanced at how Remus's hand was still holding mine. She smiled and asked, "So do you have any guesses as to who your mystery man is?"

I shook my head. "Nope. I figure if he wants me he can come find me. Until then, I have better things to do." I winked at Lily and turned back to Remus. "By the way, I'm sorry for your loss, Remi."

"Uh, yeah. Real tragedy." He muttered tiredly as he pulled his hand back. He seemed to look anywhere but at me for a while.

I glared at him for a moment before turning to Severus. "We should probably get back to our own table, Sev. People are starting to arrive. I wouldn't want them to talk about the two snakes they saw sitting at Gryffindor table. It might steal Bella's spotlight."

Sev gave me a strange look before getting up. We both headed to Slytherin table in silence before he rounded on me. "How do you know the rumours? I mean you've literally been in your room all day."

I smiled at him. "Oh, Sev, don't you know by now that I have my ways? I can find out anything, any time I want. Plus, I happen to be friends with one Remus Lupin. He's a bit of a genius with altering spells to fit his needs, that one."

Severus shook his head. "I dunno, there's something off with that kid. Plus, he's friends with Potter and Black. I don't trust him." He sat down and took a sip of pumpkin juice. "So you knew it was going to happen? Beforehand? And you didn't warn your housemates? Dez, this sounds an awful lot like choosing Remus Lupin over several influential members of Slytherin house. They won't take kindly to that."

I sighed and stared at my empty plate wishing that the food would appear already. "First off, I hope none of them ever find out, lest I begin to worry that my best friend has thrown me to the wolves. Second, I chose anyone over people who use blood as an excuse for hatred. It's extremely distasteful and I don't give a fuck what those monsters say about it."

Severus winced slightly. "Dez, you know as well as I do that it's dangerous to stand against them. They are from powerful families and any one of them may one day be your boss, or Merlin Forbid, rule your world. Don't make enemies of them so easily."

I glared at my friend. "I am from a more powerful family than most of those useless piles of dragon shit. And if they do become dark lords or anything, I will fight them to my death. Lily Evans and people like her have just as much reason to be here as I do. Scum like Lestrange and Avery have polluted Slytherin house and made it a disgrace to Salazar's hallowed name. Our house should be filled with cunning and ambitious souls who grow up to be Ministers and important people, instead the cunning and ambitious beg to be placed elsewhere, like you and I did. The real Slytherins are sorted to Ravenclaw and even Gryffindor, just because Salazar's house has been infected with dark wizards and blood purists. Slytherin is a sick, bastardized version of what it should be and it's their fault."

Severus sighed. "You had a choice. You could have begged like I did. You said yourself that you didn't. And don't let them hear you say any of that. They aren't above making an example out of you, Dez. They hate you enough already."

I turned away from him and back to the food that had just appeared. Severus and I ate in complete silence, and when we were done eating, we went our separate ways. That was the first night in over a month that Severus and I didn't talk between dinner and bed.


	12. The Lion's Mane

You are such a doll, WamapokeIndian. Thanks for making me smile.

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In the morning, I woke up on my own and got dressed without hearing a single knock on my door. I wore my school issued uniform for the first time and tied my hair back with my tie rather than wearing it. I looked nothing like the noble lady my father had raised and everything like a normal student. Severus and I didn't talk on our way to breakfast and we didn't even sit together. I took my seat at the furthest end of the table next to Regulus Black who I hadn't spoken to since starting at Hogwarts. Even he seemed to ignore me and by the time my first class rolled around, I was feeling like more of an outcast than ever before.

It seemed like weeks of uncomfortable silence, though truthfully it was probably a few days. Severus and I stayed far away from each other. The Marauders spoke of nothing but their upcoming quidditch match. Lily was distant with me out of respect for Sev. It seemed to me that Desari Malfoy was going to be all alone, yet again. I'd be damned before I let myself fall back into that same quiet life again, though. This time I would stand out again. I kept up with my homework, but only well enough to continue to pass my classes while I worked on a surprize for the marauders.

The day my plan was to go off, a Hogsmeade Saturday that I had decided to skip again, I sat in the library perfecting my new spell. Instead of using a spell that was close, but not quite perfect, I had created one of my very own. I smiled to myself and hoped for the best. I hadn't wanted to test it in practice because I needed the element of surprize, but I was sure that it was perfect. I had been careful to create it in a way that it wouldn't be able to be broken and must be allowed to wear off on its own.

I sat at my favourite desk, the one closest to the restricted section and quietly whispered the words to make sure I had them perfect. The slightest mispronunciation or distraction and I could end up hurting someone or leaving them disfigured. It was some pretty challenging charm work I was doing. I wondered slightly if Professor Flitwick would be secretly proud of my work or if he'd be upset that I didn't put this kind of effort into school work.

Suddenly a flurry of black feathers and sharp talons crashed into me, distracting me from my thoughts. The owl was rather ugly if I told the truth. It was the kind of filthy creature that father would have skinned if it made its way into our house. Feathers were bent and broken in places, probably because it was clearly very clumsy and there were even bald spots and scars from fights it had been in. The package it was carrying was covered in several layers of thick brown paper, and even so, the box appeared to be damaged as though it had been dropped a few times.

I sighed and picked up the ugly creature, setting it on the desk and pulling a few stale treats from my bag to feed it. I always kept a few around in case my brother wrote me, though he rarely did. I patted the bird's head affectionately before removing the package. I unwrapped the paper and opened the rather small box. Inside was a neatly folded letter sealed with a family crest that I didn't recognize. It appeared to be two wolves fighting. The back of the letter had my name written in a tidy script. I gently peeled off the wax crest and unfolded the letter. A ring fell out and clattered on the table.

I carefully moved the ring to the side of the desk with my quill, being a Malfoy I knew that cursed rings were an effective assassination technique. I laid the letter out in front of me and bent my head to read.

Dearest Desari,

I realize that a single letter written in haste will hardly make up for the way I abandoned you at the ball, but I do hope that you can find a way to forgive me. I feared that, like all good fairy tales, the magic that drew us together would falter at the stroke of midnight, and the time was quickly approaching. I realize now that no such thing has happened, on my end anyways. I find myself thinking of you far more than I should. Do you think of me as well?

Perhaps it is simply a lonely wolf's dream that a woman such as you could think of him as much as he thinks of you. If that is the case, then there is no need to reply to me, but the ring included in this letter is yours to keep regardless. It is a family heirloom that has been handed down from father to son in my family for generations. It's made of pure silver and is said to ward off werewolves. I speak from experience when I say that it does exactly that. I burned my hand rather severely trying to secure it in this letter. In the end, I decided that setting it on the page and sealing it inside would do the trick well enough. I do hope that you will do me the honour of keeping it close?

Anyways, I've spent a week writing and rewriting this letter to send to you. I'm still not satisfied with it in the slightest. It's rather short and formal for my taste. I just wanted to hear from you again. I feel that I am drawn to you in the strangest way. If you feel the same, you may write back to me, but I do not wish you to feel obligated to do so. This letter is written on charmed paper, when you are finished reading it, you may tap it with your wand and say the word "fin" and my words will disappear, leaving you a blank page to write on. Should you deign to write me back, you may use this same page. Just write your response and seal it with your own family crest and my half of this page will mirror yours. When I respond, and if you write me I surely will respond, this paper will again have my family crest rather than yours. It's simple, paper saving, and you won't have to worry about my borrowed owl bowling you over every time I wish to speak with you.

Sincerely yours,

Moony

The page was written in the same tidy scrawl as my name on the back and somehow I felt my heart warm a bit. Even if Sev was being a jerk and the Marauders were a bit preoccupied, I still had my mystery man. He continues to insist that he's a werewolf, the ridiculous man, but in a way, that makes him sexier in a dangerous kind of way… not that I believe it.

I read the letter several more times, intent on memorizing not only the words, but also the beautiful handwriting before I erased it. Finally, when I was satisfied with my study of the letter I tapped the page with my wand and erased the words as he had insisted. I played with the silver ring that was shaped like a wolf curled around itself with its tail touching its nose. The ring was elegantly made, obviously with magic and had a single bright red ruby embedded between the wolf's jaws as if they were dripping blood. I wondered for the millionth time who this mystery boy must be to afford a ring such as this, even the Malfoys would be reluctant to buy something so obviously expensive.

After staring at my new ring for over an hour I slid it onto my finger and found that it fit perfectly. I smiled at how nice it looked on my hand and picked up my quill to write back to him. I had barely written "Dear Moony," when a sudden and horrible thought occurred to me. If (and this is a big if) Moony really was a werewolf (which I refused to believe), then the ring would surely "protect" me from him as well. I didn't really like the thought of that. While I was fairly certain that Moony was just a normal student like myself, I still didn't like to think of even the slightest possibility of him being pushed away from me by some stupid ring. I took the ring off and slid it into my pocket until I finished my letter to Moony.

Dear Moony,

I have thought of you often since the Ball on Halloween. I realize that we didn't talk much and we surely know relatively little about one another, but somehow you feel to me as if we are old friends meeting again after a long break. I've been hoping all week to hear from you again, so I was very pleased to receive your letter today. Though your owl may have left bruises when it crashed into me.

I love the ring, though I feel slightly loathe to keep it for myself. It is very beautiful and obviously expensive. Unfortunately, I have nothing to send to return the favour, other than my eternal gratitude. I've never been on the receiving end of such a lavish gift, so thank you for making my day.

On the other hand of this beautiful gift, I am slightly worried to wear it. You said yourself that it wards of werewolves, and I would hate for it to ward off a handsome wolf such as yourself. Please don't take it as an offence if you see my hand bare. I have no need of "protection" from you, Moony. I feel slightly offended that you thought I might feel wary of you.

Thank you also for this ingenious paper to communicate with you. I rather detest your ugly owl and would hate to be bowled over every time I hear from you. Regardless, I'm feeling rather anxious to get this letter "mailed" out, so I will cut myself off here and return to my studies until I hear from you again.

Eagerly awaiting your reply,

Dezzie

I smiled and sealed the letter with my crest as he had instructed before tucking it into the back of my potions textbook and glancing at the clock. The other students would be returning from Hogsmeade in a few hours and I wanted to be waiting in the common room so I knew when everyone had returned.

I settled into a dark corner where I could sit unnoticed and set to work on my History of Magic essay due on Monday morning. It was a long and tedious task and by the time I had finished I had counted every student to walk by. Only one Slytherin was still missing from the Slytherin dungeons. I recounted the last few hours and smirked as I realized that the missing student was Severus. Personally, I was hoping that he and Lily were off in some abandoned classroom snogging. We may be in the midst of a fight, but I would always be on his side because no matter how mad I am, Severus was my best friend.

It was well after curfew and several essays later when a sleepy Severus finally entered the common room, trying to be sneaky. I watched him from my corner as he slipped silently down into the boy's dorms to go to bed.

I closed my eyes and imagined the Slytherin table as it would be seen by an outsider. Severus and I were seated together, as far from Bella and her gang as possible. Regulus Black settled into his seat with the other fifth year boys. Travis Conner, a sly little first year sitting a few people down from Sev. I imagined the scene in as much detail as possible so that my glamour charm would be most effective. Then, one by one, I imagined the Slytherin's hair morphing into bright red and gold lion's manes. I didn't leave a single head its normal colour, not even my own. I did the motions of my favourite glamour charm, encompassing the whole of the common room as well as both dorms before whispering "gingiberi iubam". While most glamour were wordless charms, I had decided that adding words to mine would make it harder to break and hopefully, every Slytherin in the school would be sporting the mane of the Gryffindor lion for at least the next week until the match.

With my spell complete, I headed down to my private dorm to get some sleep. Massive spells like this one were exhausting and I had to make it look like I had been asleep just like the rest of my snake friends or else I would become a target. Perhaps tomorrow I would find a way to push the blame onto someone else. Tomorrow…

I fell asleep almost as soon as I had pulled the covers around myself and slept peacefully, long into the next day.


	13. Reunited

Thanks again to my regular star, WamapokeIndian. I hope this doesn't disappoint. Also, thank you to Hummelberry94 for your review as well. You guys are definately helping with the writers block by showing your interest. I'll update soon, I promise.

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When I finally woke, it was with Severus furiously pounding on my door. I had no idea how long he'd been there, but from his silence, I assumed that he had run out of profanities to screech long ago. I yawned and rolled over, not sitting up from my bed as I stretched for my wand. I flicked it at the door, opening it just as Severus's fist was about to make contact yet again and the poor boy fell forward into the room. Severus glared at me from where he lay in an undignified heap on my floor. "Malfoy."

I groaned. I really didn't want to fight right now. Sleep was still calling my name like a siren's lullaby and I wanted nothing more than to give into it. "Snape." I whispered.

"Did you know about this one beforehand too? I mean, I know you wouldn't have warned Bella or her groupies, but I thought that I might mean enough to you to get a warning." Severus snapped, his eyes filled with rejected pain and his now red and gold hair sticking out in all directions from his head like a depressed lion.

"Whatter ya tlking aboot?" I mumbled sleepily. Of course, my innocence was a horrible lie, but in my own way, I had been protecting Severus by making sure he was caught in the crossfire as well. If he had been spared from the humiliation the rest of us would face when the school saw us, Slytherin's eyes would turn to him and his 'mudblood', Gryffindor girlfriend. They would have ganged up on him and wrestled him into a corner until they were so sure of his guilt that it wouldn't matter who volunteered to take the blame.

"Look at me Dez! I look like a bloody Weasley!" He screeched at me. "You cannot tell me that Potter and Black had nothing to do with this!"

I groaned and stumbled out of bed to look in the mirror. I had to make sure that it had worked on me too, because I didn't want to take the fall either. I almost blew my cover by smiling when I saw that my own hair was much more gold than red, but still fanned out around my head like a very shaggy mane. "Sev, if it was the boys, they wouldn't have hexed me too. James, Sirius and I are actually almost friends since you abandoned me. They're a little arrogant for my taste, but they still wouldn't have done this to me."

Severus went silent for a while as if considering the truth of my words. Finally he sighed as if he was giving up. "Fine, maybe they didn't, but who else would do this Dez? And who do you think the other Slytherins will blame?"

I sat at the foot of my bed. "I don't know Sev. I don't know. The Prewett boys in third year are both on the team too. They like to pull pranks and stuff too. I'll look into it. Try to keep some of the Slytherin's tops on while I sniff around, would you?"

Severus shrugged. "I guess I can try."

I stared at my reflection, proud of my work. "Sev, I miss you."

"I know."

I sighed and chanced a look at him. "This is it for us isn't it? Our friendship is over as soon as it begun."

Severus said nothing as he walked to the door. When he opened it, he whispered "I don't know, Dez. Maybe it is."

I sighed and got dressed…. about fifty times. Every outfit I tried on looked absolutely ridiculous with my new red hair. Finally, I ended up settling with a nice silver dress and pulled my robes tight over it. When I got to the dining hall, all three other houses started whispering. I glanced at the Slytherin table and found it completely empty. I gave my fellow students a proud, Slytherin smile and held my head high as I took my seat at the Slytherin table. I wondered idly if the other snakes would try to hide out until their hair returned to normal.

By the time I had finished my breakfast, most of the other students had run off to get some gossiping done before they headed to their classes. I was just getting up to head to class myself when suddenly there was an arm around my shoulder. I rolled my eyes and turned to glare at James.

"So, Dezzie, what's up with the new 'do? Everyone's talking about you so hard, they almost forgot that you're the only snake that showed up this morning." He grinned with his arrogant smile.

"That's because some poor Gryffindor soul decided to give us Slytherins matching hairstyles for the next week." I giggled evilly. "I mean, it would have to have been a Gryffindor right? No one would do this to themselves."

"Awe, Dezzie, dear. Why would a Gryffindor do this exactly? You look like a mess." James hugged me softly.

"Well, mine didn't turn out as pretty as say…. Severus Snape's, but our new Ginger hair-dos are supposed to look like lion's manes. You know… for the game next week? These manes may or may not last exactly a week and have no counter curse." I smiled brightly. "It's just a little gift from the Gryffindor quidditch team's biggest fan."

"Well, I hope we find her so we can give her a nice thank you. This is brilliant." He chuckled. "Do you think they'll stay hidden until it fades?"

"Definitely not. It won't wear off until after the big game. Make sure the groupies get some good pictures for the yearbook." I smiled brightly.

"Come on. Let's get to class, Leo." James laughed and led the way to History of Magic class. It was a long and quiet class. Sirius was busy catching up on his homework and I waited until he was fully distracted before I pulled Moony's letter out of my bag. As I had suspected, the mystery wolf had already written back.

Dear Desari,

I'm pleased to hear that you are eager to await my reply, and even more pleased that you feel the same as I do. I have missed you in the days since Halloween. I probably should have written to you sooner, but nothing felt right. Anyways, I apologize on behalf of my owl, he's a rather clumsy beast, and I fear he may be losing his sight.

Don't bother yourself about keeping the ring. I cannot wear it as it is made of silver, but it also won't ward me off since it was destined to be mine. Please wear the ring. It would warm my lonely heart to see that you care so much about me. Also, please don't be offended, I meant nothing of the sort. I could never harm you, my dear. Indeed, I think I may fancy you instead.

Until I hear from you again,

Moony

I smiled to myself and tapped the page whispering "Fin". I stared into space a few times to mentally compose myself. I wanted to reply immediately, but as I had no idea who my mystery man might be, I didn't

want to seem overly eager. For all I knew he could be in this very classroom. I doodled on the bottom of the page drawing a dragon, my favourite magical creature and thought about what to write.

Dearest Moony,

I must say that I am loathe to erase your letters. They do tend to make me smile when I read them and your handwriting is rather beautiful. I also feel the urge to admit that I have rather little to say this time around. What exactly are you meant to write to a man you barely know, even if you do want to know him more? We've already discussed your owl and even this beautiful ring that I'm now wearing. I assure you that I won't be seen without it now that I know it won't deter your affections. We've even discussed a bit about Halloween, though honestly I was too drunk by the time we met to remember much of it… Though I remember the good night kiss rather well.

Though, I would like to hear more about this fancying of yours. Perhaps over a drink at the next Hogsmeade weekend?

Lost for words,

Dezzie

I smiled and sealed the letter, stashing it in my bag again. It wasn't until several long minutes of note-taking later that I realized I hadn't erased my dragon drawing. Surely he would notice something like that. I hadn't shared my passion for muggle art with anyone outside my class on it and I suddenly felt a bit self-conscious about it.

The rest of the day passed achingly slowly as I waited for a response from Moony. He didn't write back to me until after dinner. Severus and I were sitting in the common room next to each other, though still in awkward silence. None of the other Slytherins had left the common room all day and several hadn't even left their dorms. Madame Pomfrey was bustling about the room, still trying to counter the charms on our hair, but she wasn't having much luck.

I stared at the now changed family crest and wondered if it would make things more awkward between Sev and me if I excused myself to my dorm. The two of us had barely talked since our kind-of reconcile this morning and I really wanted things to be back to normal soon.

"Dez, go to bed. You look awful." Sev whispered setting a hand on my shoulder. "I know you want things back to normal with us, and they will be eventually. I can't stay mad at my wingman. Get some sleep and tomorrow, we can sit together at breakfast. I can't avoid my classes forever, even if I do look like an over-grown troll doll."

I tilted my head. "Sev, what's a troll doll?"

"It's one of those muggle things your dad doesn't want you to know about. I'll buy you one for Christmas if you promise not to let him see it." He chuckled and hugged me.

"And that is why I love you, Snape." I smiled. "Anyways, I'm beat, so I'm going to head up to bed and get some much needed rest."

Severus hugged me again before I left and by the time I got to my dorm again I was feeling better than I had since Halloween. Severus and I were friends again. James was talking to me, which meant the other boys would soon too. Plus, I had Moony on my side. Things were going to be just fine from here on out.


	14. Confessions

AN: Writing just got a whole lot more creative. Not only do I not have internet for awhile, my subscription to Microsoft word just ran out too. *Sigh* Well, because I love you guys, I'm at McDonald's way passed my bedtime. Anyways, I hope you're more satisfied than I am with this one. Love you guys, especially Hummelberry94 and Wamapoke Indian for their wonderful reviews yet again.. You make it all worth it.

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Dear Dezzie,

You simply cannot be more loathe to erase my letters than I was to erase your last letter. That dragon was beautifully drawn, and I didn't want to banish such a beautiful thing from existence. I spent nearly all day staring at it, wishing I could save it. Tell me, my dear, why didn't you draw it the wizard's way so it would move and breathe fire and such?

Anyways, I can't help but agree that these letters are tending to get a little harder to write. We don't know a lot about each other. Perhaps you would care to join me in a game of getting to know you twenty questions? I'll go first and you can respond if you choose to do so. My question is: What's your family really like? I've heard stories of the Malfoy family, but somehow, I feel I really don't know anything about them that would set them apart from say the Blacks.

I think it would do us well to answer our own questions as well, so as to excuse ourselves from repeated questions, so I'll tell you a bit about the inner workings of my family. My father was a problem drinker and that tended to get him in a lot of tough situations. One night he drunkenly crossed the wrong man, and that man retaliated by turning me into a werewolf. I was young at the time. I was too young to know what was happening to me, and still I don't remember much of anything before I was turned. After that my father quit drinking, but he also left us because of his guilt. He couldn't stand to see his son as a monster. My mother and I haven't heard from him since. Honestly, I think the guilt may have driven him mad. My Mother won't talk about him and I won't ask her to. She feels guilt about it all too, but more than that, she pities me. She tends to be overly affectionate because of my condition. I have no siblings.

Ah, I remember that kiss as well. It was my first real kiss. I've had a handful of pecks, but man, that was some kiss. And as for meeting in the village, it would be rather difficult as you haven't gone to Hogsmeade all year. Tell me, do you hate that town or do you just like having the castle to yourself?

This letter got rather long,

Moony

I laughed lightly and leaned back against my pillows using my potions book as a surface to write on. At the bottom of the page I drew a cartoon-ish wolf howling at the man in the moon. Then I started writing my letter.

Dear Moony,

Thank you about the dragon. For your compliments, I grant you one more muggle drawing, one that I believe will be dear to your heart. I draw the muggle way because it captures the beauty of a single, frozen moment rather than diluting it with a crude attempt at life. As for your question about Hogsmeade, I don't hate the town, rather I plan on living there someday. On the other hand, Hogsmeade floods with so many students on the weekends that I get a bit stifled by all of the people. I'm rather a solitary creature myself, if you haven't noticed.

Now, about your other question. What are the Malfoy's really like? Well, you probably know that my family consists of Lucius, Abraxas, and myself. You may also know that my mother was Desiree Malfoy, formerly Blanc. She was a pureblood, but she was a Potter kind of pureblood. She didn't want anything to do with my father's blood purist rants. Despite the fact that their marriage was arranged by their parents when they were young, my parents loved each other dearly. The two of them were night and day, but they worked well together. Yeah, being such polar opposites, they fought a lot, but for the most part we were a happy family. My father got to have his heir, a very good wizard, worthy of being heir to the Malfoy name, and my mother got to have a girl, which she had always wanted. They thought I was a squib as I didn't show my magical abilities until I was seven. Father resented having a squib in the house but my mother loved me all the same.

When I finally showed my magical ability, it was in the midst of one of their fights. Mother was very ill by that time and Father was worried, though he was loathe to admit it. When I heard that they were fighting about me again, I lost it. My magic came to me in a rather large explosion and it hurt my mother who was standing closest to me. Because of her already failing health, there was nothing the healers could do for her and she died the next day. I haven't told anyone this, but I feel that I killed her.

Now that I've adequately spilled my guts about a rather painful subject, I want to hear about your lycanthropy. I'll tell you more of my family another time. Since I am not a werewolf, I don't feel the need to write my half of that question.

Feeling better having told someone,

Dezzie

I sent off the letter as soon as I had signed my name so that I wouldn't chicken out. Then I went to bed and slept well for the first time in years. When the morning came I was too scared to open Moony's reply so I just headed straight to class without touching the letter or eating breakfast. I stayed to myself until Charms class, where Lily ambushed me.

"Thank you for making nice with Severus. I really think we could be friends, but I wanted to support him, even if his reasoning is ridiculous." Lily smiled, settling in beside me. "He was worried when you didn't come down for breakfast, you know."

I smiled awkwardly. "I know. I just… I had a rather disturbing nightmare and have found it hard to concentrate today. I'll be heading to bed before dinner, so could you let him know that I'm okay?"

Lily smiled brightly and I found it difficult not to relax in her presence. "Oh, I totally understand. The other week I had a rather nasty nightmare myself. It was about Professor Slughorn turning into a Jinn or some such nonsense. You wouldn't believe how much Jinn's scare me ever since we had to do a paper on them at the beginning of the year."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, just you wait. I hear that we're studying werewolves in January. That'll scare the pants right off you."

Lily shrugged. "I'm not so sure, actually. Werewolves aren't really evil most the time. They're people, just like us. I feel kind of sorry for them. You know, like how I feel about house elves and centaurs."

I laughed. "That's very true. Excluding the full moon, werewolves are pretty much discriminated humans. It's kind of like gay people in the muggle world or muggleborns in Slytherin. There's not much reason for the hate, it's mostly because people fear them."

Lily took my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "You're very tolerant for a pureblood Slytherin. It gives me hope for the future generations."

"And you are very smart for a Gryffindor and skilled for a muggleborn, Lily. Some of us just break the cookie cutters that define people." I teased. "Merlin surely broke the cookie cutters for some of us."

"Were you staring at Remus Lupin when you said that?" Lily whispered a mischievous smirk on her lips.

"That smile reminds me of James." I smiled back at her.

She blushed. "Shut up, Malfoy. Yeah, James is cute and funny, but he's also an arrogant bully. Ask me again in ten years or so."

I laughed at that. "I actually can't argue with that assessment one bit. If James manages to outgrow his ego, he might actually be a catch."

Lily nodded and started pulling out her books for class. She got herself all situated then turned back to me. "You never answered my question, Dez. Does a certain Slytherin princess have a crush on Gryffindor's own Remus Lupin?"

I smiled softly. "Lil, not all of us can overcome things like being in different houses. Remus is great, but he's still a Gryffindor."

Lily nodded solemnly. "You know, you both should have been Ravenclaws. Then there wouldn't be all this mess between you. You're both so studious. Neither one of you is seen without a book nearby. You both love to pull pranks, though I have a feeling that you two tend to be more fun and less mean with your pranks. You're both so very loyal. He sticks with Potter and Black despite all the detentions they've gotten him. You're friends with Sev despite how much of a jerk he's been since Halloween. You're both way too old to be so young. I can see it in your eyes. You've both seen horrible things. Dez, you two are like a match made in heaven."

I sighed softly. "Really? You think so?."

Professor Flitwick started the lesson before Lily could interrogate me further and by the time the lesson was done, we were both just eager to get to lunch. Lily and I didn't talk for the rest of the day, though she had helped me feel a bit better about myself. By dinner time, I was ready to answer Moony's letter.

Dear Dez,

I have indeed noticed that you are solitary and I thank you again for the drawing. Personally, I'm hoping that this becomes a habit for you. I like your art, you're rather good at it.

As for your answer to my question. I feel rather… mixed about it. On one hand, I'm very glad that you had the confidence to share such a shadow on your soul with me. On the other hand, I can't help but feel horrible for reading such a confession. I assure you that I erased it as soon as I read it so that no one else would see it. Dez, you didn't kill her. None of it was your fault. You were a frightened child. It happens. Someday I hope that you can forgive yourself, because I'm sure she never held a moment of it against you.

Now, on to my confession. Lycanthropy is hell. I think the worst part may be lying to everyone. I hate lying to the people I care about, but it's not like I can walk up and say "Hey I'm a werewolf, want to be friends?" You know? Well, of course you probably don't, but that's okay. I just hate seeing pity and fear in people's eyes. That's how the teachers see me. They either pity me or fear me. I understand their struggle though. Honestly, I hate myself. I'm a monster. I can't control any of it and it hurts. I'm always in pain because of the transformations and because of the things I've done. I used to forget what I'd done, but now I remember it all. I've killed people, Dez, and that terrifies me. I would kill more people if I had the chance on those nights. I don't want to, but I have no control over the beast. He's always there just beneath my skin whispering to me and howling to be free. I can't talk about it much, but I can tell you that it's not pleasant and I honestly understand why people hate my kind.

Sorry that it's not as juicy as yours,

Moony

I yawned loudly and erased the letter. I would respond in the morning.


	15. The Real Remus

Technically they met on Halloween, but I'm like ten chapters ahead of my posts, so I can't say much more. Thanks for the review, my lovelies, Hummelberry94 and WamapokeIndian. Thanks to harvestmoonfanatic123 as well for your review. I love you guys like a lot.

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I woke up rather early the next morning and got dressed in the dark. It seemed to me that I was always tired as of late and I had no real idea why that was. Once I was dressed I pulled my hair into a ponytail and lit a torch so I could write back to Moony.

Dear Moony,

Sorry that this reply took so long, I was exhausted last night. Anyways, I will try to continue to include a drawing with each of my letters, but no promises. As for your mixed feelings, don't feel bad. If I hadn't wanted to get that off my chest, I wouldn't have written it. I would have written about my brother who's amazing or my aunt who buys me muggle things for Christmas just to piss off my dad.

And about your answer, thank you for trusting me with that, though I quite disagree. You had no more control over any of that than I had over my mother's death. Make up your mind, you hypocrite, either we are monsters together or neither of us are. Anyways, you didn't ask me a question, so I'm sending this off.

Have a nice day,

Dez

With that done, I headed up to breakfast and took my seat. Just as I was finishing, Severus came and sat next to me. He gently set his hand on my shoulder for a moment, but he didn't say anything as he served himself breakfast.

"Thank you, Sev, but it's okay to talk to me now. I was just having a rough day yesterday." I smiled and took out my Astronomy homework to finish it up.

"I'm glad you're feeling better. I just…" Sev took a few bites to gather his thoughts. "I want to tell you that I was a jerk, Dez. And that you can be friends with whoever you want, even if that means that you end up in detention every week,"

I chuckled. "Thank you for that. I needed to smile."

Severus stared down at his plate. "I also wanted to say that Remus would be good for you. And before you ask, Lily didn't have to tell me, I actually could tell all by myself. I just asked Lily if I was right."

I sighed. "Yeah. I like him, but it wouldn't end well for either of us, Sev. My father would go ballistic if he found out I fancied a half-blood and it's not like many people like the Malfoys. Just let it go, please?"

Severus chuckled. "You're off the hook with me, but I can't say the same for Lily. She seems to think the two of you are soul mates and she wants you to be together. My guess is that you two are her next project."

I rolled my eyes and hugged my friend before heading off to class. As the week went on, I began to notice Remus Lupin in a whole new light. Lily's words about him kept floating to my mind and I realized that we did indeed have more in common than I had thought. Originally, my interest in him had been curiosity and physical attraction, but now I noticed things about him I hadn't bothered to before. Moony's daily letters were getting less interesting and Remus was becoming much more entertaining than a random note.

He was a rather brilliant lad whose thirst for knowledge reached far beyond the academic need. I saw him reading books of muggle sciences and experimenting with new spells in the library. I saw his compassion for younger students, often rescuing them from bullies, be they Slytherin or not. He was gentle and humble, even when the teachers outright praised him. He would often get embarrassed by it, even. I saw his playful side with the Marauders and his passionate side in DADA. He was methodical and dedicated, especially in the classes he struggled with. He always wore a warm smile, even when he was faced with people like Bella Black and her friends. And he was strong. People weren't always kind to him, but he never lashed out, he simply stood tall and took their cruelties.

I didn't just notice the good things about him though. I saw a familiar sadness in his eyes that I saw in my own whenever I looked in a mirror. I saw his stubborn nature when he was in Care of Magical Creatures class. None of the Creatures seemed to like him, but he would try and try to work with them anyways. He was insecure. Anytime anyone mentioned his scars or his sickly appearance he seemed to withdraw into himself. Sometimes he would get very irritable with his friends, though he was too loyal to admit it, save a clench of his jaw or an exasperated sigh. He was also rather paranoid at times. He hated being touched by anyone but the Marauders and I wondered if that didn't have to do with his scars. Perhaps he had been abused when he was younger as I had.

"You know, Dez, you could make it easier on yourself if you just asked him to a drink at the Three Broomsticks." Severus whispered teasingly.

"Shut up, Sev. We haven't been friends since the beginning of time like you and Lil." I sighed, turning away from Remus Lupin and back to my dinner.

"I know you haven't, Desari, but seeing you moon over him like this is rather painful to watch. You've been spacing out and staring at him for days now. Was I that bad before Lily and I got together?" Severus made a disgusted face.

"No, Severus. You were worse." I smiled.

"He's staring at you now." Severus said with a wicked smile. "Don't look at him. I want to see how long he'll stare if he doesn't know that he's caught."

"That's cruel." I giggled and started eating my dinner.

"You two are pathetic." Lily scolded as she settled into the seat beside me. "You and Remus keep taking turns staring at each other so often it's driving me mad. If you don't be careful, the whole school with find out about your little crush. Why don't you just give in and ask him to lunch at that cute tea place in Hogsmeade. Sev and I will go with and make it a double date."

"This whole wingman thing you're trying to do here won't work unless you dive on the ugly friend grenade, and that would mean taking either Peter or Potter." I said, hoping that she would shut up after that.

"You know, if I was single I might just take Potter out just to get you two to realize how much you like each other." Lily threatened me. "Of course, I'd also use it as a new excuse to say no to him, but mostly to get you and Remus together."

"You're really serious about this, aren't you, Lily?" Severus sighed. "Why's it such a big deal that Remus and Dez go out? If she's not ready for something like that, just let it go."

Lily chewed her lip for a while before speaking again. "Remus is my friend too. He's never had a girlfriend and he keeps turning down all the girls I try to set him up with. I think it's because he's scared to get hurt, and I know Dez would be a good match for him."

"So, you're saying that he doesn't want a girlfriend." I said simply.

"He just doesn't know he does." She argued.

"No. If he wanted a girlfriend, he could get one. He's attractive, intelligent, and a sweetheart. That's the male trifecta, Lily. He could have any girl he wanted, given that James or Sirius hadn't ruined them already." I rolled my eyes. "He's probably hung up on some girl he doesn't think he can have, and it's not me he looks at like that."

"He does though. He's looking at you now." Severus interjected.

"He's probably trying to figure out why Lily's sitting over here. Or he's checking out someone for his friends." I sighed and looked over at Remus again. He didn't blush or look away like someone in love would have. Instead he waved politely and looked back for a moment before turning to talk to James. "He's checking out Lily for James."

"Ew." Lily sighed and stood up. "I guess you could be right. James doesn't know Severus and I are together yet, I don't think. Anyways, I should be off to the library now, where James wouldn't dare enter."

I chuckled and waved her off before standing up myself. "I think I'll go for a walk myself before curfew. Have a nice evening, see you in the common room."

"Now I'm sure that you're sneaking off to meet with Lupin. It's far too cold out to go for a walk." Severus teased and pulled his bag over his shoulder.

"Shut up, Snape. You and Lily won't be turning me into a brunch buddy any time soon." I smiled and headed outside.

I walked around the lake a few times before finally allowing myself to rest on a well-hidden rock and pull out my sketchbook for Muggle Art. I held my pencil in front of me to measure several mountains and trees before I began to draw the sun setting over the forest. By the time I was finished, it was getting dark and my fingers were starting to go numb from the cold. I smiled and headed back to the Slytherin dormitory and my nice, warm bed.


	16. Daddy Demented

I meant to post this a couple days ago, but I still don't have internet yet, so I have to post whenever I have time. Thank you Hummelberry94 and WamapokeIndian as always. I think you'll like this chapter. It's a personal favorite of mine.

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Saturday evening the boys came back from the game wet and exhausted. James had taken a bludger to the shoulder and the Gryffindors had been pounded by the very grumpy, lion haired Slytherins. None of them could feel too horrible about it though since they were still in second place and the sight had been well worth it. Everyone in the school had gone to the game with their cameras and umbrellas. The boys swore to me that not a moment of the game had gone undocumented. The Prewwett boys had already started collecting copies from all over school to create a scrapbook.

It was several days later when I found myself again ambushed by the collective efforts of Lily and Severus. The two of them had been steadily becoming more of a unit than two separate individuals. During any of their free time, the two of them would be together, holding hands and being all…. Couple-like. They would even walk whole hallways out of their way to walk each other to classes. It was as if they had stopped being Sev and Lil and had instead become Snily, a single combined being that was hell-bent on making everyone else be couples as well.

"Dez, you've been sneaking off an awful lot lately." Severus pouted.

"Yeah. It's like you aren't even our friend anymore." Lily agreed.

"Guys, I love you both dearly, but hanging out with you is like being a butterscotch in a bowl filled with chocolate." I sighed. "Couples are completely foreign to me, and you guys have turned into ultra-couple. It's like you're a different species."

"Are we being too affectionate around you? I mean, we try not to, what with your whole Lupin issue and all, but I know we aren't very good at it." Lily frowned.

"Oh, I never thought of the Lupin thing! How could I be so insensitive?" Severus sighed heavily. "How about this, I'll set you up with Rosier's little brother? He's pureblood so your father will like him, and he's not a total prat, so you might too."

Lily rolled her eyes. "No, he's a jerk. How about Joshua Scamander he's a pureblood Ravenclaw and he's sweet as pie and smart to boot?"

"That's not half bad, Lily." Severus smiled.

"Snily!" I yelled. Both of them looked at me confused, but I shook my head. "I don't want to be a couple. I don't want you to set me up with some guy I don't know. I'm fine. I like hanging out with the Marauders and I like having time to myself. Severus, when was the last time you brewed a potion outside class, or even researched on one that's not on our list this year? Lily, when was the last time you had a girl's day and let Marlene paint your toe nails? I don't want that to be me right now. I want to still have a life of my own for a while longer."

Lily and Severus looked at each other for a bit. Severus was the first to talk. "She's right, you know? I haven't done anything for potions outside class since Halloween."

"That was the last time Marls did my hair for me." Lily frowned. "How about Friday the two of us go our separate ways after dinner?"

"Yeah. Dez and I can research some obscure potion and you can go have a girl's night with McKinnon." Severus nodded.

"Good job guys." I smiled softly and patted their shoulders. "Now, I have a date with a boys toilet that I'm going to charm to sing 'Oh come all ye faithful' whenever you try to flush it."

Severus groaned, throwing his head back. "Fantastic. Which toilet do I need to avoid?"

"Well, it wouldn't be fun if I told you." I grinned, winking at my friend. "Besides, the boys each have a toilet that their charming too, so I don't know all of them. Though I will say stay away from the one on the fifth floor. I heard it singing 'Barbie Girl' and it's really bad."

I giggled and ran off to do my 'chores' for my Marauder friends so that I wouldn't miss Defence Against the Dart Arts. I charmed the toilet and made it back to the DADA classroom with seconds to spare. The boys all chuckled, but Professor Jones just glared at me until I took my seat.

"Welcome class. I'm so glad that you all could make it." Professor Jones said as the class started digging their books out. "Unfortunately, you won't be needing your books today as the headmaster has informed me that as fifth years you have yet to face a boggart. This tells me of the incompetence of my predecessors as boggarts are usually covered in your third year, fourth at the latest. Anyways, if the class would please follow me to the Prefect's Bath, we will continue our lesson there."

There was a massive shuffling as we all repacked our book bags and stood to follow Professor Jones to the Prefect's Bath. The hallways seemed quieter than usual as the whole class seemed to be wondering what their boggarts might be.

"Please leave your school bags in the hall, as you will not be needing them. I assume that all of you know what a boggart is, but in case you didn't, Mr. Lupin, please tell the class what a boggart is." Professor Jones said as he held the door open for us all.

"A boggart is an amortal non-being that takes the form of its victim's worst fear. It's always best to face one in a group as it may get confused and turn into something that neither one fears." Remus said softly.

"Very good. For your textbook-like answer, you may go last, Mr. Lupin." Professor Jones praised lightly. He then walked over to one of the cupboards. "When I open this door, the class will take turns facing the boggart. It will be a tough lesson, so I hope you all trust each other. Please take a few moments to decide what your boggart will become and prepare a defence strategy. Laughter is its biggest weakness so think of a way to make your fears funny, if you can."

I frowned and thought for a few moments while nervously playing with Moony's ring. What was my biggest fear? Rejection as a Potions Master? No, I had other ambitions if that fell though. Public humiliation? Well, probably, but what would it turn into? The memory of my brother's pet snake he had before he came to Hogwarts surfaced in my mind. The feel of its smooth scales across my shoulders and it's hissing breath in my ear. Yes, it would turn into a snake. Oh, how could I face a snake in front of a classroom of Gryffindors? How could I let them see that I was scared of my own house's mascot? How could I make a snake funny?

"You look like you're freaking out…." Remus said softly from behind me. Several of the other students had already taken resolute poses and stared forward with steely gazes. "What are you scared of, Desari?"

"Snakes." I whispered, hoping no one would hear. "And people finding out my greatest fear. I mean, I may be friends with the marauders, but this is still a class of my rivals."

"Snakes." He sighed. "Okay. When the snake appears, imagine it with dentures in its mouth instead of fangs. Try to react fast, because Gryffindor's respect bravery. You've got this Dez."

I pictured the image in my head, and while it was still slightly scary, I was sure that at least the Marauders would laugh. I rolled my shoulders and stared at the cupboard with determination.

"Time is up, class. Has everyone settled on a plan?" Professor Jones asked softly. Most of the students nodded, some confident others scared. James had an arrogant grin plastered on his face and Peter looked as if he may be ill. "James Potter, what is your greatest fear."

"Nothing sir. We have nothing to fear but fear itself." James said proudly.

"We shall see about that." Professor Jones smiled. "James please step to the front of the class. If your assessment of yourself is correct, we should get to see what a boggart looks like when it's alone, for the first time in recorded history."

James bravely walked to the front of the class. Professor Jones waited until he stopped walking before opening the cupboard. Out of the darkness crawled James, blood covered and coughing. Slowly, the anti-James struggled to his feet, where we could see that several fatal wounds and looked James in the eye. "T-tell her I l-love…"

"Riddikulus!" James cried and the anti-James coughed again and then pulled a very long red scarf from his mouth with a grin. Several people laughed, though a few looked to be even more scared.

"Very good, James. Next up is Anastasia Bones." Professor Jones smiled as Ana Bones stepped forward and James joined Sirius and Peter on the side-lines. Ana Bones faced down a clown and Peter scarred us all by bringing a ventriloquist dummy to life. Lily was scared of spiders and finally Professor Jones called my name. I stepped forward to the front of class and just before the boggart turned to me, a horrible thought crossed my mind. I wasn't nearly as scared of snakes as I was scared of…

Abraxas Malfoy's sneering face met mine just as I was forming the thought. His aristocratic features were immaculate as always and his wand turned on me. "Confringo!" My boggart-father called and I moved out of the way just in time to watch the curse dispel in a burst of flame just to my left. Abraxas laughed hollowly. "You killed her you worthless squib! Crucio!" This time I couldn't move fast enough and the spell hit me square in the chest. It didn't hurt like the real cruciatus curse, but it hurt enough to tear a scream from my throat. Remus Lupin jumped in front of me, and I could just see Professor Jones jumping in front of him.

I didn't stick around to see what would happen now, I just scrambled to my feet and fled the room. I kept running until I found myself completely lost, somewhere in the forbidden forest. I crawled up into the nearest tree and sat on one of the upper branches and cried. I couldn't believe that a boggart had been how people found out about my father's abusive nature… let alone the hints about my mother's death by my hands.

I stayed in the forbidden forest until long after my tears had dried up and by the time the sun began to set and the forest grew darker, all that was left of my earlier pain was the burn of humiliation. I slowly climbed down from the tree and started the long trek back to where I thought the school might be.


	17. The Rescue Team

It was completely dark and I was about to admit defeat and turn around when I heard twigs snapping somewhere behind me. I spun around, wand at the ready to face whatever dark creature might jump out at me.

"The map says she should be right here, James." Remus's voice fretted urgently.

"Hey, the map is showing us a very small scale with rather large dots. Don't freak out just yet, Remus. We will find her." James said reassuringly. "Besides, if we don't we'll just have to say we saw her run into the forest and Dumbledore will have a whole team of Aurors here by dawn to hunt her down."

"The forest isn't safe at night. She could be dead by dawn." Remus whimpered.

"Technically, she could be dead now. The dot would show up over her body if she was, and her dot hasn't moved since we got here." Sirius said softly. Remus keened in horror and I heard him pacing as if he was deciding which way to go.

"Maybe we should split up. We know she isn't too far from here and we can cover more ground if we do." Remus suggested.

"Then we'd all be lost, Rem." James sighed. "Why don't you try yelling for her again? She should be in shouting distance by now."

"DEZZIE! Desari! We're here to help you back to the castle! Everyone's worried about you!" Remus screamed. It hurt my already aching head to hear him, but I slowly wandered towards the sound anyways.

Soon, I could see the four boys huddled around a large scrap of parchment that looked like it might be Remus's weird invisible map. Peter was looking around the opposite side of the clearing and Remus was pacing just to the side of them. Sirius's head shot up. "Rem! I think I saw her dot move. It's almost in line with ours now."

I smiled weakly and stumbled towards them. The world spun around me as relief, exhaustion, and dehydration all hit me at once. I crashed to the ground, still ten feet from them and the last thing I saw before I passed out was Remus diving towards me like he had earlier.

When I came too I was dripping wet. Madame Pomfrey stood over me with a glass of water she had obviously been trying to get me to drink, even while still unconscious. "Good you're awake. Now drink up."

I drank the water she had given me slowly. I wanted to chug it down, but I knew from experience that doing so would only serve to make me feel sicker. "How long have I been out?" I asked, my voice coming out in a whisper.

"No clue. Those silly Gryffindor boys brought you in about an hour ago. They said they'd heard you scream, which I find unlikely since you're rather dehydrated." She took the glass gently from me and set it on the bedside table. "How'd you manage to get dehydrated since you disappeared first period?"

"Well, I spent a lot of that time crying. I also somehow ended up lost in the forbidden forest, so physical exertion played a part as well." I confessed.

"And what exactly were you doing in the forest alone at night? Don't you know how dangerous that forest is? There's a reason it's forbidden." She scolded as she prepared a sleep-aid for me.

"I don't remember running there, really. After what happened in class, I wanted to go somewhere where no one would find me, so I ran." I sighed and looked out the window. The moon would be full in a few days, maybe I would sneak out and draw it. "I didn't want to be here as the rumours spread, and by the time I was rational again, I was completely lost. If I hadn't run into the thestral herd and screamed, I might still be lost."

"And what exactly did happen in class? The Gryffindors won't tell anybody, even under the threat of detention." She asked mildly.

"Didn't the Professor see?" I asked softly.

"Nope. He had stepped out of the room for a moment to speak with Remus about what the boggart would turn into if he let him face it." She shrugged. "He and Dumbledore were asking students about it all afternoon while the rest of the school searched for you."

"Really? The whole school was sent looking for one girl who decided to skip a few classes? I don't see why anyone would have cared that much." I mumbled softly.

"Professor Jones has been worried sick about you since you almost bowled him over in your haste to escape." She shrugged. "He told the Headmaster that the rest of his classes for the day would be spent trying to find you. Please, tell me what you saw that's so scary Professor Jones was scared for you and everyone in your rival house is protecting you?"

I bit my lip. I couldn't tell her the truth of course, but at the same time I didn't know what else to say. Finally, I sighed. "I can't. I don't trust anyone enough to talk about it right now. When I'm ready I will schedule an audience with my head of house."

Madame Pomfrey glared at me, but didn't push the subject. "Professor Jones has asked to speak to you immediately when you woke up."

I sighed. "You know, maybe I could talk to him. I'll go see him now if you don't mind." I stood from my bed and took another drink of water before heading for the door.

"Miss Malfoy, please stay here for the night. I don't know exactly how bad your dehydration is and you need to rest." Madame Pomfrey called half-heartedly.

"Sorry, Madame, this can't wait until morning. I must see Professor Jones immediately." I called back opening the doors to the hospital wing. "I'll be back in the morning if I'm not feeling better!"

I stumbled slightly as I stepped into the hallway, but kept walking towards my common room. Suddenly two arms wrapped around me, one from each side.

"Hey, Dez. Feeling better?" James grinned from my left.

"You really had us worried, Dezzie." Remus scolded from my left.

I groaned, but didn't push either of them away. I was too tired to fight them. "What the bloody hell were you jerks doing in the middle of the forbidden forest?"

"We heard you scream." Remus said, shrugging.

"I didn't scream, guys." I argued. "I had no idea that I was lost, tired, or even thirsty until you guys scared the heck out of me by being noisy. Now, why were you really there?"

"Did you really think we'd leave a fellow Marauder out in the woods alone all night?" James rolled his eyes at me.

"How'd you know I was even in the woods?" I asked softly.

"Well, mostly instinct. That's where I would have gone if I'd needed to get out." Remus shrugged lightly.

"But also, take a real look at this map." James pulled the parchment from his pocket and had me hold it before staying, "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good."

Ink flooded the surface of the blank parchment writing itself into something called the Marauder's Map. The map of the school was much like it had been when Remus had shown it to me, but suddenly I noticed things moving. In Dumbledore's office there was a black dot titled Dumbledore pacing back and forth across the room. In a box titled DADA Office there was a dot titled Professor Jones sitting at the desk. All of the dorms were nearly blacked out by the number of student's dots that covered it. A dot titled Argus Filch bounced suddenly from the first floor to the third where it met up with Mrs. Norris's dot.

"Does this show where everyone is like, right this second?" I asked softly.

"Yeah."

I glanced at the top of the map where the forbidden forest was scrawled out with certain areas marked as Centaurs Grove or Aragog's Lair. The forest seemed to be in a much smaller scale than the castle, but the dot called Rubeus Hagrid was the same size as any of the others. I could see why they might get confused.

Suddenly I looked up from the map and saw that the boys were leading me towards stairs that lead up rather than down. "Guys, my dorm is that way." I pointed across the Great Hall the way we'd come.

"Dez, Professor Jones needs to talk to you tonight." Remus muttered shyly. "He said that if you didn't go see him he would go to Dumbledore first thing and explain what he saw. He's willing to work with you on this, but only tonight. That's why we were on our way to the hospital wing in the first place."

"Why didn't he go to Dumbledore already? Why hasn't anyone?" I asked softly.

James shrugged. "Some of them understand what you're going through. Some of us see you as a friend and know that forcing you into something won't do any good. Others are confused and not sure what to think."

"But Professor Jones?" I asked softly.

"Professor Jones wanted to be the first to talk to you about it." James shrugged. "He grew up in foster care and I think he may want to know your opinion before jumping into things."

They walked me to Professor Jones's door and we knocked. The professor answered almost immediately. "Come on in, Miss Malfoy."

"Is it okay if they come in too? I only want to explain this once." I whispered.

"Of course."


	18. White Christmas

AN: Soooo sorry I forgot to thank Wamapoke Indian and Hummelberry94 last chapter! *Offers apology cookies* You guys make my day every time I sign on. I finally got internet back though, so my posts won't be so rushed anymore. Anyways, I need ideas for a teacher-centric prank a few chapters from now, so my lovely readers, could you help me out? I would love you forevers.

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The professor and I talked long into the night. Remus and James had stayed mostly silent, but having them there holding my hand or patting my back helped a lot. The professor had asked me if what he had seen had been a memory or a worry and I had told him the truth. My father had beat me rather badly before I had come to Hogwarts. He still beat me on occasion. He had asked if I wanted the authorities involved and I had told him that I didn't. He'd offered his own home to me if I wanted and I refused. By the time midnight rolled around, the professor sent me off to bed with a permission slip to sleep in the Gryffindor Dormitory on the couch. He'd been very understanding and helpful, and he had promised to leave the Headmaster out of it unless he saw any more signs of abuse.

When I woke up the next day, Remus was waiting to walk me to breakfast and Lily loaned me some clothes to wear for the day so I wouldn't have to face the Slytherin's questions quite yet. I ate in silence at the Gryffindor table and not one of the Gryffindors said a word about what had happened the day before.

At the end of breakfast when the owls brought everyone's mail every owl was crashing around and delivering their mail to the wrong person. The whole great hall laughed, even the few Slytherins who had come out of hiding. It was as if every owl was confounded, and after seeing Sirius's triumphant smile, I realized that they had been somehow.

"Think of it as a friend's way of helping you feel a little better." Sirius had assured me when I had asked him about it. "Laugher is the best medicine I can legally give you."

After the owl incident, my life returned mostly to normal. A few days later, Remus headed home for a few days to take care of his mother, who was evidently rather ill and I snuck out to the Astronomy Tower to draw the full moon alone since Remus was gone. After that, I spent my days with the marauders and my evenings with Severus and sometimes Lily. Remus and I would study together for a few hours every day. Sometimes we'd go for a walk afterwards, others we'd sit together in the library or the room of requirement and read for hours. Severus and I would plan out study dates together where we'd discuss theories or new potions. Sometimes we'd even brew a few in the spare potions rooms for extra credit. The Marauders and I would plan our pranks together and when Remus got sick for a few days, James and Sirius went go out of their way to keep me occupied. November bled into December this way and soon it was Christmas time. Lily and Severus both went home for Christmas break, but the Marauders and I remained.

The night of Christmas Eve the boys snuck me into the Gryffindor Common Room and we stayed up all night playing exploding snap and singing Christmas carols together. We all fell asleep sometime late in the night all strewn across the Gryffindor common room.

When the bright afternoon sun woke us, we all passed around our gifts for one another and smiled. I had gotten small things from the boys and it was obvious none of them had known what to get for me. James provided me with acid pops and shock-o-chocs to last me a year. Sirius had gotten me stink pellets and dung bombs. Peter tentatively gave me a care package of chocolate frogs, sugar quills, and Bertie Bott's every flavour beans. Remus had bypassed the idea of candies or prank devices and provided me with a copy of a muggle book titled 'Grimm's Fairy Tales'.

I smiled and thanked each of them before urging them to open my gifts. I had gotten Peter a new broom as his was a dusty old relic that even the school brooms put to shame some days. He grinned and hugged me. He wasn't on the quidditch team, but he did like to fool around with James and Sirius sometimes and his new broom would give him a definitive edge on them. Remus had gotten a collection of first edition DADA books that were on the curriculum for students moving on to secondary schooling. James and Sirius had gotten a joint present to both of their indignation. When they had finally tore it free from its packaging they both gave me rather strange looks and each pulled out a hand mirror.

"I thought we agreed on no gag gifts, Dez" Sirius complained.

I rolled my eyes and held my hand out for his mirror. "You two share that one for a second." I ordered. When they both looked into the mirror, I held the second one up to my own face. "James. Sirius." I said to the mirror and suddenly I could see the two of them in my mirror with their faces hovering inches from each other's and grins plastered on their faces.

"Dez, we can see you in our mirror." The boys said, their voices echoing from the mirror in my hand just a moment after they left their mouths.

"I can see you too, dorks. These mirrors will project faces and voices for miles, but only if the other person is touching their mirror too." I grinned at the way my voice echoed slightly. "I figured you two could use them for detentions and summer vacations."

I handed the mirror back to Sirius and laughed as he ran up to his dorm room to test the connection.

"James." Sirius's voice said from the mirror in James's hand. "Can you still hear me?"

"She said it worked for miles." James confirmed into the mirror.

"It could work indefinitely for all I know." I shrugged. "I only tested it with Lucius while he was at the manor and I was in Knockturn Alley."

"Why were you in Knockturn Alley?" Sirius asked through the mirror and I could hear his footsteps on the stairs.

"I was buying Severus's Christmas present." I laughed. "I got him the best potions set that money and mysterious connections could buy."

"When did you get all this?" James raised an eyebrow.

"I took a trip via floo powder last time there was a Hogsmeade weekend. Lucius met me in Knockturn Alley and agreed to apparate home to test the connection before we went to dinner there." I played with my hair laughing.

"Cool. Dinner in Knockturn Alley!" Peter cooed excitedly.

"Yeah, if you don't mind sitting in a dusty, old restaurant with spiders and bugs on most of the tables." I rolled my eyes at his childlike enthusiasm. He really was an overgrown kid sometimes, but it wasn't so bad, I supposed. I thought of him like the little brother I'd never particularly wanted.

We spent most of the day lounging in the Gryffindor Common Room until one of the prefects started asking me questions about why I was there. After that we all migrated outside and had a snowball fight until dinner time. The Great Hall was decorated extravagantly for Christmas, as it was every year and all the remaining students and staff sat together at one huge table, teachers drinking firewhiskey and telling the students of their own Hogwarts years. I imagined it would have been fun to be a student back then, though I wouldn't give up my friends for a moment if I'd ever had the chance to find out.

When I returned to my dorm I was greeted by a shabby, pigmy owl and a small package wrapped in iridescent silver and emerald green. I smiled and gave the owl some treats before sending it back to Severus. I opened the gift carefully and found a strange, naked doll with a plume of purple hair. A note written in Severus's untidy scrawl read, "I promised you a troll doll, so here you are. Unfortunately, it's nowhere near as nice as my new potion set, but thank you." There was also an unwrapped parcel by the window that had to be from Lucius. I opened it and found a brand new muggle art set. A fancy , leather-bound sketch pad, several pens and pencils, and a digital camera that worked despite the magic stared up from the box with a note saying only, "I love you, Kitten." I set my new troll on my shelf and Lucius's gift in the closet and went to bed.

The five of us were nearly inseparable throughout the holidays, only parting ways when it came time for me to return to the dungeons at the end of the night. My dormitory seemed awfully lonely after my night spent in the Gryffindor common room on Christmas Eve, but meeting up with the marauders at breakfast every day made up for the loss.

We spent most of our days outside with thermoses of hot chocolate from the house elves and each other for company. Remus and I would sit on blankets with our picnic baskets and books. James, Sirius and Peter would zoom around above us playing with old quaffles and the snitch James had nicked sometime in years past. The castle always felt quiet and empty when we would return frostbitten in the evenings.

When the students filed back to school after the best holiday break of my life, I wasn't the only one saddened by the realization that classes would resume soon. The five of us all seemed rather reluctant to part with each other after having grown so close after the last few weeks. Sitting with Severus in the common room seemed strange in the evenings when he first returned and I felt myself missing the boys and their playful teasing even more when I was with him. He seemed to feel the same way as we sat in awkward silence. Soon neither of us could stand it and we both stood at the same time to head to our beds.


	19. Remus's Secret

AN: Thanks again for the review WamapokeIndian. I'm still looking for teacher pranks for anyone who missed last chapter. Also I have a tumblr blog where I'm posting cutsie little one shots that didn't make the cut for the story. So far it's the Dez's train ride and Sirius's sorting. It's at tumblr (. c o m) /blog/marauders-pensieve if you want to check it out.

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As classes resumed, the rift between Severus and I grew larger. The two of us weren't fighting or even growing less fond of each other, but with his time consumed with his relationship with Lily and my time spent with the Marauders we just didn't have time for each other. Even when we did, it was painfully obvious that he had been changing already. He now laughed with her strange half-giggle and now they both called me Red because of my Halloween costume from months ago. I would see them at breakfast at the Slytherin table and even Lunch at the Gryffindor table feeding each other of the other one's plate, even though they were both eating the same thing. Lily's hair was starting to get a grease film from doing extra-credit potions with him and they were both starting to make goofy inside jokes that no one else found funny. Hanging out with the two of them together was unbearable because they'd finish each other's sentences, talk at the same time, and double-team stories, adding pointless details for each other and making everyone who met them sick. On weekends they'd both show up in blue jeans and nearly identical sweaters, though they consistently swore it wasn't planned. People who didn't know them well thought they'd been together for years and people who did just rolled their eyes and moved an extra seat away from them.

The marauders and I were getting along better than ever before though. I was now invited to hang out with them in the RoR or on the grounds all the time. Sirius and James would tease me like we'd been friends for years. Peter and Remus would go out of their way to join my table in the library even when we just sat in silence. I still wasn't a part of the boy's secret looks or insides jokes, but we would spend hours laughing at the other Slytherins and sometimes even each other with no hard feelings.

A little over a month into our newfound closeness, Remus disappeared yet again. It seemed like every month he would disappear for three or four days and none of the boys seemed to be worried about it. They hadn't been worried when his aunt died or his mom got sick enough for him to go all the way home (which had happened at least twice since we'd started hanging out in October) or anything else that seemed to happen. Sometimes, he'd come back with new cuts on his arms or even his face. Finally, I cornered Peter in the stands while Sirius and James were in quidditch practice.

"So, where's Remus gone off to this time?" I asked, leaning my elbows on Peter's shoulders.

"His mom's sick." He said vaguely.

"Again?" I gasped. "Come on man, this is the third time she's been sick enough for him to go all the way home. They should really check her into St. Mungo's and see if there's a bigger problem of some kind."

Peter shrugged lightly. "S-she gets sick a lot. I-I think it's a weak immune system and with his dad out of the picture, Remus is the only one who can care for her when it gets bad." He stuttered awkwardly and I could see his eyes darting around, looking anywhere but at me.

"He's going to miss the big lesson on werewolves in Care of Magical Creatures tomorrow." I frowned. "Are you boys taking notes for him or should I? I wouldn't want him to get low grades on the essay just because he had to run home."

"I-I think James is actually." Peter shrugged looking up at his friends.

"Well, let him know he can borrow my notes too if he wants." I sighed, leaning back. Peter was a nervous wreck. He was definitely hiding something.

I slipped away from him and headed down to the changing rooms to talk to James before he got into the showers. I caught his arm just as he was walking by.

"Hey, I'm going to head up to the library to start on my Care of Magical Creatures essay a bit early. Meet you guys in the RoR later, or will you be busy?" I asked.

"Actually, Peter needs some help on his Astronomy homework, so Sirius and I were planning on staying in for the night." James shrugged. "With Remus at that funeral, Pete needs all the help he can get."

I nodded understandingly and headed to the library. I was halfway there before I realized that Peter and James had each told me a different excuse for why Remus was gone. I frowned and thought about that while I gathered my books for the essay. Instead of studying, I wrote down all the reasons Remus had been gone. November his mom had been sick. October his aunt died and he needed to attend the funeral. November his mother had been sick. December had been his grandmother's death. January had been his mom again. Now in February I had been told his mother was sick as well as a funeral for some unnamed relative. It was painstakingly obvious that they were lying, but why would they do that? What was so big of a secret?

I folded the list and put it in my pocket to remind myself to continue writing things down. I wouldn't confront them about it yet. We'd only been friends for a handful of months, so it was okay not to share everything, though I wished they'd just be honest and tell me that they couldn't tell me. I set to work on my research and couldn't help thinking of Remus a lot over the study session.

Everything seemed to remind me of him. Sick and tired? Check. Fear of water? Yep. I remembered his face of horror when I'd suggested going for a swim when the weather warmed up. Change in eye colour? I fondly remember his eyes changing from amber to a soft yellow, depending on his mood. Bad temper? Well, I'd occasionally see him snap at people right before he left for whatever funeral or whatever, but I had chalked it up to grief and stress. The tantalizingly beautiful scars? Yep, he's got those. Lack of appetite? Well, I noticed that he hadn't touched his dinner the night before he left….

Suddenly, I snapped out of my studying as I realized I was seriously comparing my crush with a beast I was studying in class. When had that started? I stood from the table and put all my books back, deciding that it was late and I needed some sleep to be able to deal with this. On my way back to the Slytherin dorms, I noted that it was nearly curfew and already well past sun down. I looked out and noticed that the full moon was hanging in the sky. The shock of my earlier thoughts came back to me and suddenly I was headed to a different Common Room than I had been before.

The fat lady who protected the Gryffindor common room and dormitories glared at me, but opened reluctantly when I told her the password. I slid my Slytherin tie into my pocket and folded my robes neatly before setting them on the floor next to the entrance. Hopefully, no one would pay much attention and I could get James out of there before anyone noticed that I wasn't a Gryffindor.

I let my hair fall into my face and walked right in, grabbing James's arm and basically dragging him to the darkest corner, which wasn't very dark in the first place. "James, we need to talk, immediately."

"Dez, what are you doing here? Someone could see you and you'd get in real trouble!" James hissed pushing me into a seat that halfway hid me from view. "What's so important that you'd risk detention for the rest of the year, just waltzing in here like that?"

"Not here, James. Grab the rest of the marauders and meet me…" I trailed off as I realized we didn't have time to get anywhere before curfew let alone get back.

"Just follow me" James groaned flashing his mirror at Sirius before leading me out into the hall. He held the mirror to his face and waited for Sirius.

"Dude, was that Dez?" Sirius's voice asked a second later.

"Shut up, Sirius. Grab the map, cloak, and Peter and meet us in the old hang out. The one from before we found the RoR." James snapped, not giving his friend time to reply before shoving the mirror in his pocket again and leading me to an empty room not far away. There was a stack of dusty pillows in the corner, but other than that the room was completely empty.

"This isn't good enough, James. I need somewhere that we definitely won't be overheard. I just… It's big, okay? Like expulsion big." I hissed under my breath.

James nodded tensely and half an hour later, the four of us had just pulled the door shut in the Room of Requirement. James and Sirius had lead us here with their map while Peter and I followed, both twitching nervously.

"Okay, we should be fine now. What the hell was that all about?" Sirius asked glaring at me as if it was a terrible inconvenience to be out after curfew.

"Okay, now with you all here, where is Remus, right this second?" I asked softly.

"Funeral." James said firmly at the same time that Peter squeaked, "With his Mum." All three of them looked at each other in horror for several tense moments before looking back at me.

"Yeah. That's what I thought. Since we've been friends, his grandmother and aunt have both died and his Mum has been sick three times. At least three of those five happened on full moons." I looked into each of their nervous eyes before continuing. "I know you guys already know, because you cover for him all the time. He's sickly, tired all the time, and none of you seem to be worried about dying family or constant wounds. Either the Lupin family has pissed of the big guy upstairs or he's a werewolf. Please don't insult my intelligence by lying to me again."

James looked helplessly at the other two before sighing. "Yeah, he's a werewolf. I can't believe you figured it out in less than six months. That took us two years to piece together and no one else has."

I sighed and sat on the bed that had randomly appeared in the corner of the room just moments before as if it knew I needed to sit down. "Guys, this is big, you know? I… I don't even know what to say from there."

"Are you going to tell anyone?" Sirius asked softly.

"I wouldn't, no. The teachers know, or he wouldn't be able to miss all these classes, and the students don't need to." I said staring out the window of the room. How there was a window, I didn't know since this room was in the middle of the castle, but staring out at the moon had always calmed my nerves.

"Are you going to stop hanging out with us now?"

I looked up at James helplessly. "I don't know, James. I… This is a lot to take in. Can you give me a few days before you tell him that I know?"

"Three days. That's all I can promise." James said ushering the other two towards the door. He set a weird shimmery cloth on the table by the door and looked back at me. "This is an invisibility cloak. You can borrow it to get back to your dorm… Think of it as an official invitation to the Marauders… now that you know."


	20. Werewolves and Whispers

AN: Hey, Hummelberry came back! TeeHee! Thanks Hummelberry94, WamapokeIndian, and That One Leo for the reviews. You guys are great. I am still hoping for some ideas for that professor prank. Also, I added my tumbler blog, with additional content from this story to my profile, if you want to check it out. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

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The next three days were rough for me, especially once Remus had returned. I slowly realized that it was one thing to say that werewolves were just people like the rest of us, but something completely different realizing you were friends with one. Casual touches from Remus that I normally found reassuring and comfortable were now a test of my skills not to flinch away or act weird around him. As my time started to run out on what to decide, I found thoughts of him consuming my mind, even during lessons I usually enjoyed.

During potions, I nearly burned a simple aging potion because of the distractions. During Transfiguration, I earned myself a detention for daydreaming. During said detention, I decided it was time to make a final decision.

I just couldn't wrap my head around what I'd figured out. Remus Lupin, sweet Remus with the scars and the love for chocolate, was a werewolf.

I thought about everything I had learned about werewolves during lessons and from books over the years. I thought about the essay I had just finished. I thought of the beating I'd gotten a few years ago when I'd gone for a walk on the night of the full moon. I thought about teeth and fur and claws and blood. I thought of uncontrollable monsters and dangerous beasts. I thought of terrifying howls and growls. I thought of mindless snapping jaws.

Then, I thought of Remus. I thought of the boy who had given me chocolate on the train back in first year when I was so nervous. Remus, the boy who was fiercely loyal to his friends. I thought of Remus, who had lied to McGonagall for me. Remus who had brought me dinner from the kitchens when I'd missed dinner because I was in detention with Sirius. I thought of poor, tired-looking Remus with his shabby robes and soulful, amber eyes. I couldn't see him as a dangerous, mindless monster. I couldn't see him as a dark creature, no matter how hard I tried.

Somehow, in the course of the six months, I had taken to Remus Lupin, and not even my newfound knowledge was enough to discourage my developing crush on him. I couldn't see Remus as a monster, so I decided to see werewolves as people instead. With that decided, I finished my work with Professor McGonagall and headed straight to the Room of Requirement where the boys would be waiting.

When I walked in, the boys were crowded together, helping Remus finish his homework from the days he'd missed. As the door swung shut behind me, Sirius looked up at me with surprise in his eyes. My guess was he thought he'd seen the last of me.

"Remus, can I talk to you for a sec?" I asked softly, opening a door that lead to an adjoining room inside the RoR.

Remus gave me a confused look but set down his quill and went into the room. I followed him after a brief moment collecting my thoughts. I knew that there was no delicate way to spring this on someone, and I had run out of time. My three days would expire at curfew tonight. I bit my lip and jumped inelegantly in. "Remus, I know you're a werewolf. I won't tell a soul and I'm not going anywhere."

Remus stared dumbly at me for several long moments that seemed to stretch for hours. Eventually, I heard Sirius sigh and stomp away from the door where he'd evidently been standing and eavesdropping on us.

"James and Pete are still listening, aren't they?" I asked softly.

Remus couldn't help the smile that crept across his face as he nodded. "Yep, they're both hoping to hear something interesting, I guess."

I smiled back. "Are we okay then, Remus?"

Remus sighed. "Yeah, we're good. Just one thing… How?"

I sighed and thought about it. "Well, Remus, I just… notice things, I guess. You guys always use the same two excuses and after six months of funerals and sick mothers, I knew you were lying. Plus, three of those were the full moon, I remember because I love drawing the moon, especially when it's full. That and my essay about werewolves for class. Your scars… your eyes… the heat of your skin…" I shrugged and leaned against the wall.

"We're going to have to be more careful. If you noticed in six months other people will start noticing too." He frowned.

"I'll help. You guys just need some new material, besides the fact that you need someone who lies well." I winked at him, smiling.

The rest of the night seemed to fly by for the four of us. I told them everything about my father and my mother's accident, knowing that I could trust them now. The shared secrets brought us all closer together and within a week I was truly a marauder, inside jokes and all.

As I grew closer with the Gryffindors, my housemates began to take notice. I heard them talking about me as the days flew by and soon rumours filled the entire school. Evidently, according to Bella Black and her gang, I was sleeping with all four marauders and that was why I was always with them. Someone else had decided I was a lesbian and spread that one around too, which was a bigger deal to the muggleborns than anyone else. Another person, my guess was Regulus Black, had told the school that my father had sold my hand in marriage to Sirius Black and now I was his slave.

As the rumours got worse, I withdrew into my studies more and more. None of my friends believed any of it, of course, but that didn't stop the hexes and taunts from the other students. Within a month I had become a social pariah and no one but the marauders, Severus, and Lily would even talk to me. Sirius and James made it their personal vendetta to find a way to make me laugh by pulling ill-advised and childish pranks like stink bombs in the dungeons. Remus and Peter stayed by my side at all times, trying to protect me from the worst of them. Even Severus and Lily began to worry about me.

When my grades began to slip and I started hiding in my dorm more, the others agreed to put their differences aside temporarily to help me find a way out of this, even James and Severus. One day, in the library, the six of them ambushed me and forced me to listen to them.

"This is getting out of hand, Dez." Severus scolded.

"And we only see one way out." Sirius agreed with a wicked smile. "You have to let us make a public joke of all this."

"What do you suggest?" I sighed wearily setting my Potions work aside to listen to them. The seven of us spent the evening scheming as a group for the first and probably last time. By the time Severus and I headed down to the dorms, we had a plan.

The next morning, I sat at the Slytherin table with Severus as we had agreed. When the end of breakfast neared and everyone in the school was present, Sirius stood on the bench of the Gryffindor table and faced me. "Desari Malfoy, I know this is just a formality at this point, since everyone already knows, but will you marry me?" He called across the hall in mock-adoration.

I smiled and pretended to swoon. "Oh, my dear Sirius, I thought you'd never ask!" I called back sarcastically. "But alas, I can't, because I'm evidently also a lesbian. On that note, Lily Evans, will you go out with me?"

Lily laughed loudly. "Sorry, Malfoy, but I could never commit myself to someone such as you. Perhaps if you didn't have so many boyfriends!"

My friends and I all burst out laughing and I could see Dumbledore and McGonagall both trying to hide their amusement as well.

As the day went on, our plan seemed to have worked. Now that my friends and I had made the rumours into jokes, no one seemed to bother with it. I still got plenty of hostile glares, but no one taunted or hexed me. The alliance between my friends dissolved and everyone went back to hating one another like normal. The rumours became nothing more than inside jokes between close friends and everyone was happy again.


	21. Animagus

AN: Sorry it's been so long since an update, I'm sicker than a... something or another. I think the saying is "sicker than a dog" but that doesn't make sense... Anyways thank you again WamapokeIndian, Hummelberry94, and That One Leo for the reviews. As always, they lit up my day.

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Severus, Lily, and I stayed close, but my friendship with them didn't even compare to how close I grew to the marauders. The five of us would spend all of our free time together in the Room of Requirement, on the grounds, they even talked me into joining them in Hogsmeade once. As the full moon approached I watched as Remus grew more restless and somehow sicker. When the moon was farther away Remus almost looked well, but the stress of his fear stole his appetite and kept him up at night. It was painful for me to watch him worry himself half to death about something beyond his control.

When Remus left for… wherever he spent the three nights of the full moon, the boys told me they were going to let me in on how they spend their full moons. Evidently it was some kind of secret that I couldn't tell a soul, even Remus. We were meeting in the Room of Requirement right after dinner with plans to stay there all night.

When I got to the room, the door was propped open slightly with a muggle notebook. I opened the door and went inside, taking the notebook with me so the door would disappear. The boys were all sitting at a rather large table with books and more muggle notebooks strewn everywhere.

"Okay, what's going on here? You guys never study this hard." I asked, taking the only open seat.

"Remember a few years ago when Professor McGonagall talked to us about animagi? How she turned into a cat and back in the middle of class?" James said, not looking up from the book he was pouring over.

"Vaguely, yes." I frowned.

"Well, we've discovered that werewolves aren't dangerous to animals, including an animagus in their animal form." Sirius input. "We've been studying ever since then. It's been difficult to get the books, but we finally found a few in the restricted section and we're going to become animagi so we can join Remus on the full moons. I think it'll be better for him if he's not alone."

"Okay. But that's supposed to be a long, difficult process, not to mention illegal. You guys could go to Azkaban for even attempting it. You guys could die attempting it. Or end up stuck in your animal form forever." I said. I had studied up on the dangers and benefits myself at one point because anyone who didn't think it sounded amazing would be lying.

"That's why we've been studying so much. We want to do it right." Sirius said, finally looking up from the dusty old book on his lap.

"Fine, I'm willing to study with you, but only because animagi fascinate me." I frowned. "I will not, however join you, in all probability."

"It's not actually that dangerous, Dez. Very few people have ever actually died or gotten stuck. It's just a long, difficult process and most people don't bother to try." Sirius argued. "And even the few that did get hurt, most of them tried to skip some steps or rush through things."

"What do you guys have so far?" I sighed.

"First step is preparation of mind." James offered. He smiled when he saw me flip out my notebook to take notes. "It's a lot of meditation, but you have to use a very addictive incense and if it takes you too long to get in touch, you could end up either very addicted or dead. It's one main reason that it's illegal."

"What's the incense?" I asked, almost afraid to know.

"It's a combination of Hazia, a very deadly plant known to give visions of your inner self, Chamalla, which is also a hallucinogen, but that one will help heal some of the deadlier effects of the first, downside is that withdraw is worse, and African dream root which shows visions of the future." James sighed. "You have to be very careful with how much you use and how often. We've been studying accounts and the safest, but still decently effective treatment would be to allow us two hours every full moon so that we can recover a bit in between."

"You haven't started yet though?" I asked carefully.

"No. We can't get our hands on the stuff." Peter squeaked.

"I can get each of them separately. Do we have exact measurements for each?" I asked softly. "Also, how will we know when two hours are up?"

"I do have a recipe here somewhere. Just get the stuff and I'll have it found by next month." James looked through his notes for a few minutes. "And as for the two hour thing, we were thinking maybe we could do one of us the day before the full moon and the other two the day after with whoever's not involved cutting us off."

"Now it can be two and two." I sighed. "We'll also need gas masks so we don't get overexposed while we're taking care of the other two."

"Good thinking." Sirius said distractedly.

"Okay. I've got notes on that part, and am already sceptical." I sighed. "What's next the next part?"

Sirius sighed. "Honestly it's best to only think about one step at a time. Besides, preparation of the Body is going to be less dangerous, but more illegal." Sirius said, consulting his notes briefly. "We need a potion brewed that takes two whole months, but none of us could manage something that complicated."

I took his notes from his hands and found the page about the potion easily. It consisted of Eyebright, Frankincense, Myrrh, Endive, Lilac, Apple, Rosemary, Absinthe, Bay, Elder seeds, Holly, Snakeweed, and three carnations in bloom. I could get ahold of it all easily enough, but between the preparation, brewing, and making sure that the poisonous ingredients didn't kill anyone, it would be a difficult task, even for Mr. White. "Actually, I think I can do it. As long as I'm allowed to recruit some help. I'll lie about what I need things for, but I can't do this without Severus. Once he and I get things prepared, I'll need some help checking on it regularly. We'll have to see if the Room can give us something that won't light fire, just in case."

"Of course." Sirius nodded.

"And it'll take two months of brewing, first with all that stuff and then with… mandrake leaves?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Trust me, you don't want to know beforehand." James warned. The other two nodded violently.

"Okay, after the body, what else do we need?" I sighed. This was turning out to be a bit of a stressing project and we hadn't even really started yet.

"Then we begin on the spells and incantations. You want to spend at least a month perfecting the motions and incantations to perfection, because this is dangerous stuff. James and I have been practicing for months already. We'll help you and Pete when we get there." Sirius promised.

"And after that, all that's left is to transform. Never transform without someone else around, at least for a while so we can keep an eye on each other and help out. We'll also all be learning the spell to force people back into their normal bodies because chances are someone's gonna need that skill at some point." James added.

"You know, you guys literally took the fun out of being an animagus. It's been two hours and you've ruined my dreams." I teased.

"Not supposed to be fun, Dez. We're doing this for Remus, not ourselves." Sirius said sounding more serious than I'd ever heard him.

"What are you guys studying now?" I asked as I started writing my shopping list. Most of the stuff I could get rather easily while in the various apothecaries I frequented. I carefully broke down the list so I wouldn't draw attention to what I was doing. A few of the items I'd have to get from the black market, but as a Malfoy no one would ask too many questions anyways.

"We're reading journals of the past animagi and even the ones who failed. We want to be prepared for anything." James explained. "You don't have to though. You and Sirius will be one group and Pete and I will be another. That way if something goes wrong with you or Sirius, I'll be of right mind enough to help and if something goes wrong with Pete and me, Sirius will be."

I nodded. "Okay, good. I'm glad you guys are taking this seriously. I know where to get all this stuff, but I'll need some help with funds. It's not going to be cheap and I'm not sure I can wiggle my father out of enough money for it all."

"Sirius and I will pitch in with you." James promised. "I'll bring you the gold tomorrow. We've got two more days of studying this month before Remus gets back."

"Why were you in the common room last full moon if you're usually here?" I asked softly.

"We can't all four be gone all three nights of the full moon. Not all the time anyways. Sometimes we study in the dorm for a while so that people see us." Peter shrugged. "We don't get a lot of studying done there though, because if we did too much people would get curious."

"Fair enough." I mumbled, turning back to my planning. It was nearly dawn by the time we all crawled into the beds that were lined up on the edges of the room.


	22. Shadows in Paradise

AN: Thanks for wishing me well, That One Leo. And thanks to you and WamapokeIndian for the reviews. It'll be a bit before you find out what any of them are (even though we already know), it's a really long process, but I promise to let you guys get an inside view of it!

AN2: Sorry if there's any mistakes, I didn't have time to do any hardcore editing. I wanted to get this out fast.

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Classes the next day were horrible after staying up so late. We studied the journals and perfected my now separate shopping lists in our free periods and before dinner, but all agreed that we should get some sleep before classes the next day.

We made it through our classes the next day and finished our homework before moving from the library into the Room of Requirement and studied the journals into the night. While the boys were much better read on the subject, I found that I was catching onto the dangers rather quickly and actually enjoying the first-hand accounts of people who had already been through the dangerous path. Most of the diaries were unfinished and just suddenly dropped off, but several of them had been written in by a second person explaining what had gone wrong. Some of them had even been written in by our own Minerva McGonagall.

When Remus returned the next morning we all got back into our usual habits with the other three playing quidditch or whatever and Remus and I sitting together studying or talking. We studied together, helping each other where the others lacked. Despite how mature and serious they were about becoming animagi, the boys hadn't really grown up all that much. They still pulled childish pranks, especially on Severus, though usually they'd make sure I wasn't around when they did.

Severus and Lily weren't doing nearly as well anymore. Instead of being so much of a couple that it made everyone else sick to their stomachs, they spent more and more time away from each other. Severus began hanging out with Bella and her gang and Lily would spend more time alone in the library. While I knew them both well enough to know they still loved each other, I also could see the distance growing between them. I worried for their relationship, and for Severus's sanity while he hung out with the future death eaters.

Every day in the papers we heard more and more about the "Dark Lord" and his Death Eaters. While they had been a mild inconvenience in the years past, it seemed now that their movement was growing more violent. Every few weeks we would hear about muggleborns and half breeds being tortured or even killed. Many of us worried that it would escalate to a full out war soon. We also worried for our friends like Lily who could be in great danger come the end of school for the year. There was even rumours of Dumbledore having banded together his own army called the Order of the Phoenix to fight them.

Severus and I grew further apart as he grew closer to the blood purists. I couldn't stand to watch him slide down the path to destruction. Watching how he changed into someone I had never met made me realize that someday I would indeed help fight in this war. Sev had never been one of the nicest people in the world, but he had also never been cruel. I let myself shed a single tear for him when I first heard him call some Hufflepuff a mudblood, but I looked away, promising that I'd give him the benefit of doubt just this once.

I couldn't tell Lily or James what I'd heard, so instead I sought out Remus and talked to him for hours about how Severus was changing. Severus had been my first friend and the best potions partner I'd ever had. I prayed that he would see the error of his ways before he made a huge mistake.

Remus and I sat talking for a few more minutes before Sirius and James burst in trying to keep their laughter quiet so they could reach us before Madame Pince kicked them out. They both leaned onto the table in front of us and grinned.

"Come on, bookworms, you gotta see this." James practically giggled.

"Definitely. love it." Sirius agreed. "Hurry before someone else gets here and tells Pince that we're mistreating books."

I frowned deeply and replaced my textbooks into my bag, not that I'd read a word from them since I'd gotten here. The four of us walked out of the library before James and Sirius each grabbed one of us and dragged us into a run towards the entrance hall. When we got closer we could see that a very extensive collection of books was flying around and trying to attack every Ravenclaw they saw.

"We proudly call it the flying book brigade." James grinned.

"Yep. It should put all those smarter-than-thou Ravenclaws in their place for a few days." Sirius grinned.

"Some of those books have dust falling out as they flap." I commented. "Where'd they come from?"

"Well, you know how you said that the entrance to the Ravenclaw commons were just a riddle?" James grinned. "Well, while everyone was down at the game, we cracked the code and charmed the Ravenclaw personal library. All donated by former Ravenclaws and free to be read by the Ravenclaw public. I mean seriously, who keeps a library in their common room?"

"We have one in ours too. I thought everyone did." I frowned. "I mean ours is… really dark, but we have one. We've got books about blood rites and sacrifices and I think we even have one of horcruxes, but that one's written in a weird language."

"Really? What is the use in having all that stuff?" Sirius made a disgusted face.

"Well, for one thing, Slytherins are a tight-knit force. If a Slytherin actually makes it out there, they will vogue for other Slytherins. We stick together, even after we leave Hogwarts. With that said, we're also more than willing to crush each other if it helps ourselves." I shrugged. "We pass on our advantages to the next generation so that Slytherins can continue to take the lead. And most of us go dark. Chances are that someone who's been in my house since I got here will try to become a dark lord. And even before graduation, several seventh years have probably already joined the current dark lord."

"Bella and Lestrange?" Sirius asked softly.

"I don't know for sure, but I'm certain that Bella will eventually join the Death Eater ranks. Maybe other relatives too. Narcissa was in with a bad crowd. Regalus seems to be inching ever closer to the brink." I shrugged. "Your family has been primarily dark for generations Sirius. This can't be news to you."

"Well, didn't Lucius hang out with the same type of people?" James asked. "You always tell us that he isn't as bad as he seems, but I was always certain he'd go dark."

I stared down at were the whole flock of books seemed to descend on the hiding spot of a first year Ravenclaw and sighed. "Lucius isn't evil. He was raised to believe that there was a hierarchy. Ancient and noble houses like Malfoy and Black at the top, followed by other purebloods like Prewett and Potter. Muggleborns and… half-breeds, no offense, are at the bottom of that hierarchy. Blood traitors like Andromeda Black are even below regular muggles. Lucius just doesn't know that there's any other way."

"Do you think Lucius will join the Dark Lord?" Remus asked softly.

"Of course not. My brother has been the one constantly good thing in my life. Even when everyone thought I was a squib, which is barely better than a muggleborn in his eyes, he loved me unconditionally. He's saved my life a few times despite everything that's happened." I smiled at the thought of my brother. "He might agree with most of the things the Dark Lord says, but he disagrees with what he does."

"And where do you think he draws the line?" Sirius asked. "Lucius may be there for a family member, but what would happen if he came across Moony here during his time of month? Would he just walk away from that?"

"Lucius values human life." I insisted. "He thinks muggleborns and werewolves shouldn't go to school or work with purebloods, but he does think they have the right to live."

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked softly. "I thought Reg would change his mind after he got here and saw that Lily's such a good witch, but instead he just insists that she's a Prewett that got adopted by muggles."

I shrugged. "Honestly, are you sure she's not? I mean have you seen that hair? I don't care if her parents are muggles or if she's the daughter of Dumbledore himself, but you have to give them a little bit of leeway considering how they were raised."

"You were raised the same and look how you turned out." Remus shrugged.

"We weren't though. Abraxas was a completely different man when Lucius was around. He was raised as a noble. I was raised to be the arm candy of a noble." I shrugged making light of my dark memories. "You can imagine how well that turned out."

"Pince just arrived, we should get out of here." Remus shrugged.

"Let's go outside. Sirius needs to get some extra practice in. He's a terrible beater lately." James teased gently.

"Yeah, I'd say it's time to think about replacing him, Jamie. Maybe we could get Pete onto the team now that he's got a sweet new ride." I grinned, going along with James. Remus chuckled and headed outside to our usual spot right next to the lake.

The boys summoned their brooms as Remus and I laid out a huge fluffy blanket and laid down. Remus a yellow paged muggle book that looked heavy enough to knock someone out if dropped on their head and I took out my sketchpad and started to draw.


	23. Visions of Insanity

AN: I figured I'd let you guys into where the secret admirer thing, because you asked, and I didn't even notice that I kinda just dropped it... Also, I try to update a lot... but I'm so blocked on this. When I started posting in May I was 15 chapters ahead... now I'm only 5 chapters ahead... So it's going to get a little slower soon... Sorry in advance. Thank you to my newest reviewer, Ventari SylverFox, and of course, my regular reviewers, That One Leo and WamapokeIndian. (Also, I really miss you Hummelberry94!) As to the other question, whether this will be AU or Canon, I actually haven't decided. I think I'll post later on and ask for your advice, once I narrow down my options. I love you guys, but this is long, so on with the story!

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Remus and I became the best of friends. When the other boys were busy with quidditch practice, detention, or tormenting Severus, the two of us would find ourselves together in the library or on the grounds just enjoying each other's company and talking freely. It had been a logical conclusion for me that Remus was also Moony, my mystery date from the ball, but we never spoke of it. Instead we swapped childhood stories and continued our game of 20 questions in person. Remus and I both loved walks in the woods, so sometimes we'd sneak into the forbidden forest and climb into the trees to read together.

Sometimes he'd catch me working on portraits of my friends as I saw them. He critiqued and praised them all. I drew each of my friends, Severus with an old dusty potions book and a stare of concentration, James with his cocky grin and snitch, even Remus with the drawing split in half a shy, bookish boy on one side and a glaring wolf on the other. I even showed him my rendition of Snily the Magic Wonderbeast. He thought it was brilliant. He helped me get Sirius's soulful, puppy eyes just right when I drew him as he had been in a formal duel a few nights before in duel club. He even helped me come up with ideas for my portrayal of Peter. We made him more childish and drew him as an adorable little fanboy, decked out in clothes that were scribbled with autographs and a plushy snitch clutched to his chest.

The two of us were so inseparable that even Sirius and James began teasing us about being a couple. Sometimes they'd stop in the middle of a pretend match on their brooms and start chanting, "Remi and Dezzie sitting in a tree..."

Remus and I would just laugh it off and ignore them until they got bored and went back to their game. Sometimes we'd go along with it and joke about pretend dates we'd supposedly gone on. Other times we'd just tease back loudly about Lily and Marlene.

When the time came for Remus to sneak off again, it seemed far too soon. The boys and I walked him to the hospital wing and then nervously headed to the RoR. We'd gathered all our supplies over the last month and were going to be testing out our incense for the first time. None of us knew exactly what to expect though, because the notes were often scattered and unclear after the past animagi had meditated.

"We're going to start with you two." James said chewing his lip.

I nervously played with my ring. "How will we know if someone's having a bad reaction?" I whispered.

"We won't. But you were meticulous with your measurements and we're going to be overly cautious with the time. Unfortunately, we also have to be willing to scrap the project and go straight to McGonagall if something goes wrong." James sighed. "Hopefully, nothing will."

I frowned and settled into a beanbag chair next to Sirius and watched as James and Peter prepared everything. The RoR had given us a soundproofed room with padded floors in case we flailed or screamed. James and Peter put on gas masks and took the beanbags across from Sirius and I respectively. James would keep a close eye on Sirius and Peter would watch me. Finally once everyone was situated, James lit the incense for us and the two of us closed our eyes.

I cleared my mind as best I could before the high took over, focusing only on my inner self. It seemed to hit me in stages. First was the African Dream Root. My mind went on a horrible, hazy trip where green flashes lit up what appeared to be a battlefield. Everything moved so quickly and became so blurry that it was hard to follow, but from the little I could catch onto, it seemed to be everyone I loved deaths. Lily's tear-streaked face and a fan of bright red hair as she fell. Sirius, gaunt and starving, staring down a whole fleet of ice cold dementors. James flinging himself in front of a curse to save someone else. Severus, older, but slumped against a wall, blood flowing from a huge snake bite.

Everything went hazy for a few minutes and I forgot much of what I had seen as the Hazia replaced it as dominant. I saw my dragon patronus doing battle with something white as snow. I tried to focus on the second creature, but the whole scene changed before I could.

Cold. The crunch of snow beneath a lithe body. Excitement. Blurring trees and crisp white snow. The thrill of the chase. The feel of the wind rushing by as I ran. A distant sound of beating hooves. A great leap and a landing on a firm, solid body. The sweet smell and coppery taste of blood, like sucking on a coin. The warmth of the blood sliding down my muzzle and neck. The satisfaction of the kill. The weight of the deer as I dragged it to a safe place to feed. The sound of flesh tearing as I ate. The taste of fresh, raw meat. An unnatural sound... yelling... humans in my territory. I stashed my kill under a massive rock and ran. Claws tearing at bark as I climbed to find a place to hide. The yelling got louder. The humans were close, too close. I must fight. A mighty roar tore through my throat. I launched myself from the tree and landed... on the floor?

I coughed and looked around, my vision seemed to be doubling. On one layer, I recognized Peter and James staring down at me in the Room of Requirement surrounded by pillows and soft chairs. On the deeper layer, I could see the snowy forest where strange hunters were invading. I roared again to warn them off, but it came out as a scream. What was real? If I was in danger I had to fight. Was I in danger? If I was with the Marauders, I couldn't fight. Were the Marauders even real? Who was I? Human or beast? Peter and the hunter with the spear both seemed to move closer.

I growled deeply and took a swipe at them. A human hand and a massive white paw with big black claws layered over each other. What was going on? I backed myself into the corner of the room, up against a rock wall. Confusion, terror, panic. I didn't... I didn't know... A red flash, and then darkness.

"Calm down, Sirius. We just had to stupefy her to calm her down a bit. She was halfway under the effects and halfway aware. She'll be fine when it wears off." James whispered urgently.

"You didn't have to stupify me, James. Something went wrong." Sirius snapped and I felt his hand rest against my forehead and then my cheeks. "She's burning up, James. We have to take her to Pomfrey. Now."

"No, I'm fine." I managed to mumble. "Water. I need water."

The boys bustled around, bringing me water and some sandwiches that seemed to appear from nowhere. Sirius propped me against his chest and held the goblet of water to my lips. "Don't talk. Just drink. I was thirsty as hell when I woke up and that was hours ago."

He helped me drink as much as I could manage and even fed me a few bites of a turkey sandwich before I waved him off. "I'm not a child, Siri. I told you that I was fine, now stop it."

Sirius sighed and moved away, allowing me to sit on my own. He stayed close though and watched over me like hawk as I struggled to eat enough to appease them.

"So, what'd I miss?" I yawned, laying my head on one of the various pillows scattered around.

"Well, Sirius is convinced that he's a wolf or something like that. Says all he remembers is howling and moonlight." James shrugged. "By the time we cut you guys off he was curled in a ball on his seat asleep."

"But we had to stun you. You were all panicky and we thought you might hurt yourself... or us." Peter stammered, looking warily at me.

"I thought of myself as a beast of some kind... I remember snow... and blood... and hunters." I frowned at the hazy flashes. Green light. The crunch of snow. The taste of raw meat. "Whatever I am, I'm a wild predator. Carnivore probably."

"You tried to scratch Pete, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say a cat." James shrugged. "We have one moon before summer, but we can always get together without Remus if we need to. All of our parents would be fine with us visiting Sirius. And Walburga lets Sirius visit me, albeit reluctantly, all the time."

"Is there a blanket in here? I'm freezing..." I yawned, curling up sleepily.

Sirius handed me a blanket and touched my forehead again. "You're going into withdrawal already. Hopefully, it won't get too bad."

I wrapped the blanket around myself and closed my eyes. "Are you boys going to freak out if I go to bed now? I ate, drank, and even talked a bit, but it's late. Plus it's friday, so I can sleep it off all I want."

"Yeah," James nodded. "We all should get some sleep. When we wake up we can see if you two are feeling well enough to watch over Pete and I."

I chuckled and closed my eyes, letting myself drift off. My dreams were scattered and confusing as my mind drifted between human and animal. Snow and trees. Remus and the marauders. Running and feeding. Chocolate and old books. Moony's yellow eyes peering through the dark, a piercing howl, the luxury of a warm tongue cleaning my fur. Me and Remus feeding each other expensive chocolates and laughing together about our friends. The feel of a warm body resting next to me lulled me into a deep sleep.


	24. Thicker than Blood

AN: I'm glad you like my interpretation! And thanks so much for your review (And advice) Ventari SylverFox! I was planning on waiting a few days to see if any one else was still hanging around, but I just can't find that kind of strength so, here you are!

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I woke up the next morning overheating and grumpier than usual. I groaned and opened my eyes. Sirius was sprawled out next to me with his hand covering the majority of my face. James was leaning against a wall as if he'd fallen asleep while watching over us. Peter was curled up at James's feet like a loyal dog. I shoved away the pillow I had been clinging to and lifted Sirius's hand off my face, setting it on his own. The window that shouldn't exist was a patch of blinding light on the wall and I figured it must be at least noon.

I sighed and stepped into a secondary room that appeared just as I thought about it. Inside was a shower fit for a king. I grinned. "Jenna, my dear." I called softly to the empty bathroom. I heard a small pop and turned to see my favorite house elf. "Jenna, could you fetch me my toothbrush and sunday clothes? You can take some candies out of the dish if you want."

Jenna beamed and threw her arms around my leg. She thanked me a couple dozen times before apparating away to fetch my things and raid my sweets. She came back with everything I might need folded neatly and packed into a backpack. She also had a satin bag (That I'd gotten for her and promised it wasn't clothes) filled with various candies from my secret stash.

"Thanks Jenna." I smiled patting her head. "Did you take the chocolate?"

"Yep." She grinned.

"Good girl." I laughed. "Rule 4: Always take the chocolate. It's the best in any stash."

"Miss Desari has the best chocolate though." Jenna nodded eagerly.

"I hope so, I pay good money to keep the two of us supplied with the best." I grinned taking out my things and lining them along the counter. "Could you make sure the boys have some clean things around as well, my little love? Then you'd better get back to the kitchens."

"Oh, Master Dumbledore doesn't mind Jenna spending some time with Miss Desari. He thinks Miss Desari is good for Jenna." Jenna smiled. "He also says that rule 4 should also include lemon drops, though Jenna doesn't care for lemon drops."

I chuckled. "Well, I'll have to send him some lemon drops then."

"I think he would like that." Jenna smiled and apparated from the room.

I rolled my eyes and climbed into the shower. An hour and a half of scrubbing, tooth brushing, and dressing in my comfiest clothes later I was back in the room with the boys. Peter was groggily sitting against the wall, looking like something out of the living dead. Sirius had rolled over, but was still out cold. James had disappeared somewhere.

"Went to get us some breakfast. Bacon is the only thing that gets through to Sirius on weekends." Peter mumbled, yawning. I nodded and sat down with my leather journal and colored pens. I closed my eyes for a few minutes drawing my dreams and hallucinations to the front of my mind before writing down everything I could remember. Taste of copper. Snow falling on my back. The burn of physical exurtion. A white paw with black claws. Rich, expensive chocolates. The howl of a lonely wolf. The smell of old books. The adrenaline in my blood as I prepared to fight for my life. Moony's eyes.

"I miss Remus. Does the full moon really have to happen so often?" I whispered more to myself than my company.

"I know how you feel, Dez." Sirius grumbled. "We worry too. We miss him. That's why we're here. We're going to join him. The question is; Will you be joining us as well, or are you just along for the ride? Follow up question. Does anyone else smell bacon?"

"I'm having trouble remembering things. I know I'm a large cat, but that's still an expansive list. Do you remember anything of use for yourself, Sirius?" I asked softly.

"I remember trees and the sound of nature, but I also remember what it feels like to fall asleep next to a warm fireplace. Black fur. The word "pack" was a reoccuring thought. I remember what it feels like to howl. It's a mournful, lonely emotion. Not one I would care to relive. It was cold, very cold, but not snowy. I was cold, scared, and very very lonely. It was like I'd... never be happy again." Sirius frowned. "Why on earth would I be thinking about dementors?"

"One of the herbs also causes visions of the future. Perhaps you become a criminal... or a prisoner of war. A few hundred years ago the dark lord of their time enlisted dementors into his army to keep prisoners in line. Azkaban was based on the same principals." I sighed. "I remember snow and Remus... well, Moony. I also remember feeling threatened by the approach of humans. You don't think I go feral do you?"

"It's entirely possible. Even successful animagi sometimes go feral when bad things happen." Sirius sighed. "And with a potential war on the horizon, bad things will certainly happen. We'll be there, though. All four of us will be right there if there's ever anything you can't carry on your own. We love you, Dez. You're a Marauder."

"Thanks, Sirius." I smirked and turned as James walked in with a platter of food, as well as thermoses of coffee and tea. Sirius and Peter soon descended upon him and I sat back to watch.

"You better get over here, Desari. You're one of us now, that means you have to fend for yourself or there won't be anything left." James chuckled, stuffing a whole piece of toast into his mouth. I smiled and reached between the boys taking toast, bacon, sausage and eggs to turn into a breakfast sandwich.

The boys and I lounged about for several hours. Occasionally, James and Peter would obsess over Sirius and I to check for signs of withdrawal. Sirius and I both had slight fevers, but there was no shaking, nausea, or paranoia. When the evening came around, Jenna brought us all steak, potatoes, and green beans for dinner. We happily ate and when we were done, we set up so we could let James and Peter meditate.

As soon as we lit the incense with our masks covering most of our faces, James and Peter fell into what appeared to be a light, but violently twitchy sleep. It was rather painful to watch, but Sirius and I sat together, talking through it all.

"So Dez, How did you really notice that it's always a full moon when he's gone?" Sirius asked, his voice soft and muffled through the mask.

"Well, I... I love the full moon. I always have. Since I was little the full moon has felt... special to me. It feels beautiful and important. I used to sneak out of my bedroom and go for walks in the woods surrounding our estate, until my father found out at least." I chuckled. "Now I sneak out and draw or write under the light of the moon. It's inspirationally beautiful."

"Really? It was always just another night to me." Sirius shrugged. "Must be an artist thing."

"I don't think so. I think it's just a Desari thing, honestly." I laughed.

"You never let anyone see your art, why is that?" Sirius asked lounging back in his bean bag so he could watch me and James at the same time.

I stared at Peter's twitching form for a few minutes. "Well, I guess you could say that I'm insecure. I don't really know why. I guess it's 'cause I prefer the muggle form of art and that's a big taboo with my father."

"Yeah, I could see your point. You know you don't have to hide anything from us right?" Sirius set his hand on my shoulder gently. "We're a family, Dez. A real family, not like that mockery you have at home. You kill someone, call us and we'll help transfigure the body into a rock so you can toss it in the ocean. If you're on the run, we have a closet you can hide in. Whatever you need, we will always be by your side."

"Lucius would do those things too." I grinned. "But he wouldn't eat all my food while he was at it."

"True." Sirius laughed. "But, Dez, Lucius isn't perfect. He would sell out anyone he had to to save his own skin. You, your father, even Narcissa. We wouldn't do that."

"If it came down to you or me, save yourself. I don't need any more blood on my hands." I sighed. "Lucius knows that too. I would die for him, and you boys, and Severus, and Lily. Hell, I'd even die for Abraxas if I could. He's my father, he's my blood."

"Some things are thicker than blood, Dez." Sirius whispered and the two of us fell into silence as we cut off the incense and gently tried to wake the other two.


	25. His Condition

AN: As always, thanks for your reviews, my lovelies, I live and breath for them right now. Thanks to DorothyNightingale for pointing out the POV switch, I think I fixed it. And I totally did go read your story. And welcome back from the great beyond That One Leo! I wanted it to be a hard hitting chapter. By the way, would anyone read it if I posted a second fic with all the little one shots (like the hallucinations for the boys and Dez's younger years that didn't make it into this one?) As always, I love you all so much, and here's your chapter.

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The next morning was long and filled with mindless chatter. James was sure that he was and elk or a stag, and Peter thought he might be something small like a mouse or a ferret. He was rather disappointed by that. Sirius and I kept a close eye on them as they waited out their fevers, but they didn't have any major symptoms of withdrawal either, unless eating half the table at dinner was a sign of withdrawal, and I was fairly certain it wasn't.

We spent the evening lounging in the RoR, discussing pranks we'd thought up at one point or another. I showed them my portraits of them and laughed off their compliments. We also thought up nicknames for each other. James would henceforth be called Prongs, because that's the one thing he was sure about his animagus form. Sirius would be called Padfoot, because we couldn't think of a nickname to go with the howl he remembered so well. Peter, to his dismay, got nicknamed Wormtail. I however was rather proud of my name. They called me Ghost, since all I could remember was snow and a large white paw. They all agreed with my original nickname for Remus, before I knew it was him. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs were the original Marauders, so their names were put onto the map and somehow I convinced them that mine wasn't necessary.

When we finally headed our separate ways, we had agreed to tell Remus/Moony of the new nicknames, but to tell him that everyone else's had come to us in a dream so he wouldn't worry. I thought we should tell him the truth, but the boys seemed to think he would come down on us like a mother hen if we did. I chuckled at their sentiments, but reluctantly agreed that we should probably wait to tell him what we were doing. He tended to worry about his lycanthropy enough without having something else to blame himself for.

I wondered lightly if his lycanthropy had been the reason that he, as Moony, had turned me down when I'd asked him out or if he had just been trying to keep up the charade. I played with my ring and stared out the window into the dark green lake, wondering where he was right now. Eventually I fell asleep in the chair by my window and slept until morning.

I jumped awake like lightning had hit me when Severus knocked lightly on my door. I was there opening the door before he'd even lowered his hand. "Yeah, Sev?"

"Good morning, Dez." Severus sighed. "I figured I'd come make sure you were up. I didn't see you come in last night and you've been gone all weekend. I... figured that you had been with the... Gryffindor boys and had come back late."

"Uh, yeah. We spent all weekend in Hogsmeade, just don't tell anyone. We could get in big trouble since it wasn't a Hogsmeade weekend and all." I smirked. "It's still pretty early for breakfast, you want to come in and sit down?"

Severus shrugged but came in when I held the door open for him. "There's candy in the bowl by the dresser if you want some."

"So, what were you doing in Hogsmeade all weekend?" Sev smiled lightly, carefully picking out a couple jelly beans. One of them was pepper flavored, but I didn't say anything.

"Mostly window shopping and just getting off the grounds for a minute. There's a waterfall that's rather beautiful on that side of the lake." I shrugged and reached into the candy bowl taking out the last piece of chocolate that Jenna had left for me. "Remus and I had a picnic while the others played in the water."

"You make that sound like it's different from any other day." Sev rolled his eyes. "You and Remus sitting on a blanket feeding each other and chatting like children, while the buffoons zoom around on brooms or play in the lake."

"True. It was different though. This time it wasn't on the grounds. Most days we're still at school, even if we are messing around. Now we can say we're more than just schoolmates." I smirked.

"Hey, we're more than schoolmates and we only hang out on the grounds." Sev said, sticking his tongue out at me.

"Sev, we barely hang out as it is. Yiou spend most of your time with Lily, and I spend mine with Remus." I giggled. "And the other boys of course. I mean Sirius is my fiance after all."

Sev rolled his eyes and popped the pepper jelly bean in his mouth. I stayed silent as I waited for him to start coughing, but he didn't. He just chuckled at my disappointment. "Don't play that game with me, Desari. Lily and Potter will end up together before you and Black do."

I laughed. "Perhaps you're right. I'm doomed to fall for the ones I can't have and Sirius is the one that anyone could have... for a minute or two." I smiled and laid out on my bed, stretching out the cramps from sleeping in the chair.

"Don't give me that 'one you can't have' bullshit, Dez. You haven't even tried." Sev playfully punched my arm. "Ask him out. It's obvious he likes you."

I rolled my eyes and got up to get dressed. "I'll be back in a few. Make yourself at home, eat all the pepper flavored Bertie Botts while you're at it."

After a quick shower, dressing, and brushing I was back in my room. Severus had his face hidden behind my drawing book and I nearly screamed in horror. Showing my art to the boys was completely different than sharing with Severus. I nervously played with my ring as I plopped down on the bed and waited for the verdict.

"You're an amazing artist, Dez..." Severus whispered. "Why'd you chose the muggle style?"

"I'm not very good at making them move they way I think they should, so it's better that they just don't move." I shrugged, moving to sit on the arm of his chair. He was gently caressing the edge of the portrait of him and Lily that I'd drawn awhile back. At some point I'd colored it in with muggle gel pens and it looked really nice, as well as a bit silly. "Do you want to take it and give it to her? You two have been pretty distant lately and I'm worried..."

"You'd really let me take it?" Sev asked looking up at me.

"Of course. I drew it for you guys. I was going to give it to you, but I wanted to wait for the right time." I shrugged and slid my shoes on. "It'll be a lot cuter coming from you anyways."

Severus carefully tore out the page and I grabbed a watermelon flavored beatle candy as we walked out the door. The two of us split up only slightly as we sat at the Gryffindor table, him with Lily and me with James and Sirius. Peter and Remus came down a few minutes later and joined us. We ate and joked around together while we waited for classes to start. Remus sighed and leaned agaist me, laying his head on my shoulder. I thought nothing of it and absent-mindedly started playing with his hair. It wasn't until Sirius raised an eyebrow at the two of us that I realized that it was unusual for Remus to get so touchy feely with me. I shrugged the shoulder that wasn't being used as a pillow and tried to feed Remus a peice of sausage since he had barely touched his own food.

Sirius ambushed my in History of Magic, dragging my chair close to his and setting his hand on my shoulder to keep me from shying away. "So, what's actually going on between you and Moony, Ghost? You seemed rather snuggly today and you've been mooning after each other for months, pun intended."

"You know nothing's going on with us." I shrugged, trying to get away. "We're just friends, just like you and Wormtail and Prongs."

"Wormtail, Prongs, and I don't nap on your shoulder." Sirius said, smirking at me triumphantly.

"He's just tired because it's right after the moon."

"You and I also don't sneak into the forest together or hang out alone in the library." Sirius countered.

I rolled my eyes. "Severus gives me enough crap about it for all of you. We just study together. It's not my fault you guys never study and avoid the library like it's the plague."

"Fine, continue pretending you two don't have the hots for each other, but just remember that I know better." Sirius shook his head. "I think the worst part of this whole conversation is that you actually believe that. I saw that kiss on Halloween. I see the way you look at each other. You two are as bad as James when it comes to Lily."

"Don't even go there, Sirius Black. Never once have I wrote him a horrible poem or purposely driven him crazy." I smiled. "I also haven't dated every guy in school in an attempt to make him jealous, which doesn't work anyways because Lily doesn't even like James."

"Just ask him on a date. It's not like it's rocket science." Sirius said rolling his eyes. "I do it at least once a week."

"And that right there is exactly why, even if I did fancy Remus, I would never take advice about it from you." I winked and jerked my chair to my own side of the desk.

Sirius must have told everyone that I was in a foul mood today, because everyone was fairly quiet around me for the rest of the day. I'd sat on my own at lunch and spent my afternoon studying in silence. It wasn't until dinner that anyone came to check on me at my table in the library. They sent Remus since they figured I wouldn't yell at him.

"Dez, are you okay?" He asked softly, sitting in the chair across from me. "You haven't said one word to me all day and Sirius said you snapped at him in History."

"Yeah, I'm fine just..."

"Tired?" Remus guessed.

"Yeah. How'd you-"

"Know?" He smirked. "It seems to be a fashion trend. I'm tired and cranky. The guys are tired and cranky. Heck, even Lily told Severus that she was too tired to hang out with him this evening. Did I miss a party this weekend?"

I chuckled. "Nope, no parties. The boys and I were just up late doing our homework because we put it off until Sunday evening. And Lily's probably just mad at Severus. He's kind of an idiot when it comes to women."

"Most men are." Remus chuckled. "Look at Sirius and James for instance."

I smirked. "Yeah, they wouldn't know how to keep a girl if they tried."

"Mostly because they've spent so much time learning to get rid of them." Remus laughed.

"Yeah..." I sighed. "Speaking of getting rid of girls... I promise I'll only ask once, but why did you turn me down when I asked for a drink in Hogsmeade awhile back?"

"You know why."

"You know that I don't care about your... condition."

"Dez..." Remus sighed.

"Okay, leaving you alone now." I sighed back and headed for dinner without even bothering to put my books away, no one but me ever went to that table.


	26. Reasonable Requests

AN:Thank you to my reviewers, That One Leo and a guest. I'll be uploading a new story with my one shots within the week. Maybe even tomorrow morning. I'll let you know with the next chapter. As for my guest, I try to update twice a week (right now it's roughly every 5ish days) Basically I post whenever I have a day off work. Glad you two liked it, because I live and breath you guys. See you soon.

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With all the dating stuff out of the way and an excuse to tell anyone who bothered me, life went back to normal with little mention of any crush I might have on Remus. A few weeks afterwards, Lily came rushing into the library right past her usual table and into my arms tears dripping off her nose. It took me more than ten minutes to calm her down just enough for her to sound coherent. I moved all my books and papers aside and let her sit down in the chair next to me.

"Now, tell me what he did, and I will find a curse to appropriately remove his privatest parts." I said, awkwardly laying my arm across her shoulder to help her relax a little.

"H-He cursed at me" She sobbed, hiccupping in the middle, which just made her sob worse.

"You'll have to be a little more descriptive than that, my love. I know over a hundred curse words in nearly a dozen languages." I teased gently.

She sobbed louder and I pulled her to my chest to muffle the sounds so that Madame Pince didn't go completely postal on us. Eventually she calmed down enough to whisper, "He called me a mudblood. My own boyfriend called me..." and she collapsed into tears again. I held her close until she stopped crying and lead her, hiccuping up to the Gryffindor dorm where I cast a minor concealer charm so no one could see the tear streaks or red eyes for a few minutes.

"This is going to wear off in just a couple minutes, so head straight to bed, my dear. Get some sleep and I'll go have a word with Snape." I kissed her forehead and watched as she shambled into the common room and across the room before the portrait closed.

"Sorry, snake, were you wanting in too?" The fat lady snapped, glaring at me.

"There's simply no need for that, you old hag. I'm not going in this time, but I will be back at some point. Good bye, nice seeing you again." I snapped sarcastically and turned to storm down to the dungeons. In the entryway I ran across the four boys.

"Dez... you look mad..." Remus mewed awkwardly.

"Dez, before you hex us, he deserved everything we did after the levicorpus hex. He really did." Sirius said nibbling his lip.

"Did he really call Lily of all people... that?" I growled, barely stopping on my way to the dungeons.

James nodded. "Yeah. I'll admit that I was toying with him a bit, but you can't blame me for what he said to her."

"Shut up, guys. I have an ex-best friend to hex into oblivion." I snapped as I reached the stairs.

I didn't bother even giving a courtesy call as I walked right down the stairs into the boys dorms and slammed the fifth year dorm open. "Snape, I am going to murder you. Not only are you hanging out with freaks like Bella Black and her gang, but you're also calling your own girlfriend a mudblood? You're exactly like the rest of the scum infecting this house!"

I cast a silencing charm on Severus so he couldn't interrupt. "I don't care what the boys did to you, nothing excuses you calling her that. You gave me hope for Slytherin. You made all this dark lord death eater crap worth it, because I thought you might actually have some self respect, but you don't. You're nothing but a worthless blood purist scumbag and you don't even have the excuse of being a pureblood. When I join the war against the death eaters, it'll be bastards like you who give Slytherin a bad name that I'll enjoy taking to Azkaban. I hope the dementors give you a big sloppy kiss!"

I turned and stormed right out of the dorm and straight up to Professor Slughorn's office. When he finally opened the door, I blew past him and sat down in the chair across from his desk without a word. It took him several moments to realize what had happened and close the door. "Miss Malfoy, how can I help you?"

"I'm formally requesting a resorting at the beginning of next year and demanding that I sleep in a neutral dorm for the rest of the semester." I snapped.

"Are you sure, Miss Malfoy? You're one of Slytherin's finest and resortings rarely go they way we hope. Usually the new house will see you as an outsider and the old house will see you as a traitor. I wouldn't want one of my best student's grades slipping." He said as he returned to his chair.

"I'm stuck in a house full of future death eaters. These creatures aren't what Salazar had in mind when he created our house. Salazar wanted us to be a house for the sly, the cunning, the ones who would do whatever it takes to come out on top. Those kids, if you can even call them that anymore, are nothing more than mindless lackeys who will never, I repeat, never amount to anything. Most of them will end up in Azkaban and the rest will follow in the footsteps of a real Slytherin simply wishing that they had the brains or ambition to do it themselves." I ranted as I tore the Slytherin patch off my robes and threw the patch and my tie onto the desk. "I want nothing to do with little worms pretending to be snakes. I want to rise to the top. I want to be the best potions master of the century. I want to have real power, the kind you get from respect rather than fear. I want to be Dumbledore, not Voldemort. I can't do that while I lay in bed at night waiting for one of the death eaters in the room next to me to curse me, or worse kill me."

"It's very true that Slytherin is not the house it was when I was young." Slughorn sighed. "There's probably a nice empty classroom that we could convert somewhere in this school." He winked, knowing that most of the classrooms were in fact empty.

"I'll be in the library until you find a place for me... on neutral ground. No towers. No dungeon. No third floor." I said pulling my bag over my shoulder. "Unless it's the divination tower, I suppose that couldn't hurt any."

"And how exactly do you know where the locations of the other houses dorms are, Miss Malfoy?" Slughorn chuckled.

"Well, I had a note to sleep in the Gryffindor one once. Slytherin's obvious. I have a friend that hexed all of Ravenclaw's library, and everyone knows that the Hufflepuffs are in the south west tower. " I shrugged. "I didn't have friends when I was younger, so I probably know the castle almost as well as Mr. Filch, though the Marauders and Mrs. Norris beat me by miles."

"Yes, the marauders indeed. I hear that they inducted a girl into their ranks this year." Slughorn fished. "Wonder who she could be."

"A girl? Don't make me laugh. Only boys think dungbombs and singing toilets are funny. Girls will be much more sophisticated, like charming Bella Black's hair pink or giving Sev antlers just because he called her best chick friend a mudblood." I grinned. "I didn't do any of those things, though I was tempted from time to time. Severus does, however, need to be unsilenced at some point."

Slughorn chuckled lightly. "Oh I think a night of silence may do him good. I'll fix it in the morning. Go ahead to the library, Dumbledore or I will send you a note when we're done talking."

I nodded and walked to the door. "Ask Dumbledore if I can borrow Jenna to fetch my things. It'll be a hex or be hexed situation if I go back in there." Slughorn nodded and I walked out of the door and straight up to the library.

"It's nearly curfew, Miss Malfoy." Madam Pince smiled softly as I entered.

"I know, Madame, but I only need to stay until I get word from Professor Slughorn or Headmaster Dumbledore. You see, I just requested a resorting..." I explained softly as I sat in the chair closest to her desk.

"I've never heard of a student actually requesting a resorting. I figured it had been put in the rulebook only to ease the nerves of the youngsters." She patted my shoulder sympathetically. "I do hope your new house is kinder than your old one will be, my dear."

"So do I, Madame, so do I." I sighed. "I won't know until the sorting ceremony in September, but I'll be in a safe place until then."

Madame Pince sat with me far past curfew helping me study my newest personal project, a cure for lycanthropy. The headmaster arrived just as my eyes began to droop. He smiled and helped me pack my things in silence. When we turned to leave, Madame Pince stopped me with a gentle hand on my forearm. "You're one of the finest students of Hogwarts history. You're a true Slytherin, unlike these young pretenders. You turn each new project into a personal vendetta, and I have no doubts that you can solve any problem you put your mind to. If you ever need anything, anything at all, just let me know and I'll fetch it for you. Don't let this hiccup keep you down."

I smiled, teary eyed, and nodded my thanks before following the headmaster from the room. We walked for only a few minutes before he stopped at the door of the closest classroom to the library. On the door was a portrait of a beautiful silvery dragon who appeared to be blowing ice across a miniscule army of foes. Dumbledore gave a gentle fatherly smile. "One question before I let you into your new dorm. What's your new project?"

I smiled proudly and stood tall. "I will be the potion master to cure lycanthropy. When I'm done with that, I'll move on to vampirism and anything else that stands in my way. Perhaps I'll cure muggle cancer as well."

Dumbledore chuckled. "Is your... furry friend aware of this yet?"

"Definitely not. I can hear the lecture already." I mocked Remus's voice when he got protective. "Dez, don't throw away your reputation and career over me, I'm just a monster. You could do great things. But Remus, this is a great thing. I could cure you. Just drop it, Dez. Don't you dare worry about me, I'll manage on my own."

Dumbledore smiled, his eyes twinkling knowingly. "Yes, I suppose he would find a way to twist it into something shameful. Good luck with him, my dear, and good luck with your new project. If anyone can cure the incurable it's you and Severus. I do hope he sees reason before it's too late."

"Me too, sir."


	27. A Second First Kiss

AN: I miss you guys... But here's a chapter anyways!

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The next morning was far too quiet and dark with no windows to peer into the lake. My heart ached for my comfortable little dorm in the dungeons, but I stood by my decision to get out of Slytherin house while I still had the chance. When I arrived at the Gryffindor table for breakfast, the whole hall fell silent, watching me. I simply ignored them all. Of course everyone knew already that the Malfoy heiress was trying to leave the house her family had been sorted into for centuries. Anything that's worth keeping secret Hogwarts would know by morning. Remus set his hand on my shoulder in a protectively reassuring gesture and I sighed. With my sigh the spell of silence broke around us and the whispers took their place. A couple Gryffindors were brave enough to whisper questions.

"Is it true?"

"I heard she hexed that Snape kid."

"Whoa! Seriously?"

"What the hell?"

"That third year, Regalus says she's resorting because she's in love with Lupin."

"Nah, doesn't matter what house she is. I hear her father's a psycho. He'll never allow it."

I turned to the closest of the gawkers who had asked three times if I'd really hexed Severus and set my meanest glare on him. "I will pay you to shut up."

"Really?" He smirked. "How much?"

I leaned across Sirius and dropped my voice low before whispering, "I don't know, how much is your life worth to you, kid?"

The boy squealed like a little girl and ran off leaving a full plate of food behind.

Sirius grinned and put a proud arm around my shoulders. "That right there... That was messed up, Dez."

I shrugged. "What do you expect, I was raised by a psycho."

The kid who'd made the earlier comment blushed as red as Lily's hair all the way to the roots of his own. He chewed his lip for a moment before mumbling an apology and carefully picking a new topic, the chudley cannons or some other ridiculously named quidditch team. Sirius and James joined his conversation, but I could tell that they weren't paying much attention to him. They scanned the crowd around us for any more potential targets of my cranky sarcasm.

I smiled as everyone else in the general area turned back to their breakfasts, but several still watched me from the corner of their eye.

Remus draped his arm over my shoulder and left it there. Part of me wished he wouldn't do that, because it left me with the strange urge to turn to him and kiss him. Another part reveled in this beautiful "more than friends, but less than I want" relationship we had going on.

Classes started shortly after that and I soon got a taste of what my new life would be like. Slytherins vaulted hexes my way while the other houses merely tossed around insults. I was a traitor. A snake in the grass. A wolf in sheep's clothes. Only a rare few Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs stood up for me. The boys were forced to stick to my side like superglue and I felt especially bad when Peter got hit by a stray bat bogey hex that had been meant for me. I stood tall and strong as the whole school seemed to come together against me, and the boys stood proudly at my side. By the end of the day, we had traversing the hallways down to a science. Remus and Peter would walk a single step ahead of me, essentially blocking me from harms way. James and Sirius, or best duelists, would walk a step behind me to battle their way through the crowds of people protesting my transfer.

When classes ended, I grabbed my homework, my sketchbook, and my project texts and walked straight out of class and to the far side of a little hill by the lake, blocking me from view. I curled down into the grass and closed my eyes wishing I didn't have to go back to school for the first time in my life. Soon, I felt the warmth of a body next to mine. I sighed in relief and turned my head to rest it on Remus's shoulder. "School is supposed to be the one place I feel safe, Rem. For five years, Hogwarts has been my escape from my family. I don't know if I can handle not having an escape for the next two years." I sobbed.

Remus wrapped his arms around me. "The Marauders will be here. We'll be your escape."

"I can't stand living life looking over my shoulder for the monster that I know will always be there." I whispered. "I just want to not be scared anymore."

He held me closer for a moment before pulling back to look at me. His eyes were the color of carmel today, a perfect mix between Moony's yellow and Remus's chocolate. "Never be afraid, Dez. I'll always be here to protect you, Zemer."

"What's that word, Zemer mean?" I asked softly.

"It means... It's a werewolf word and I don't know how to explain it. I'll ask someone when I have the chance." He chuckled awkwardly. "Sorry about that."

I shrugged. "Don't be. It's a part of who you are, and I... I think it's a beautiful, natural part of who you are, Moony. I accept all of you, wolf and man, because you aren't one or the other, you are both." I smiled softly at him.

Remus closed his eyes and suddenly his lips were pressed softly against mine. It was an entirely different kiss than our first kiss had been. Instead of being hot and demanding, Remus's kiss was soft and shy, just like him. The two moments were as different as night and day, just as the two sides of Remus. Too soon, Remus pulled away, blushing and apologizing. I rolled my eyes at him and leaned forward giving him a light kiss on the cheek before smiling at him. "Stop apologizing, silly boy. You can repay me with a date at that little tea shop in Hogsmeade next weekend."

Remus groaned, "Dez you know-"

I cut him off with a grin. "I do know your lame little excuse, and I don't care. You kissed me first."

Remus chewed his lip for a moment. "Okay, the tea shop it is, but I'm not promising anything more than that, Dez. It's dangerous ground you're walking on here."

I grinned and leaned my head on his shoulder. "No it's not. I trust you, and your wolf with my life." Remus sighed, but the two of us sat in a comfortable silence, cuddled together by the lake, and just watched the sunset.

"You're over-protective big brother talked to me the other day. Told me to either ask you out or to stop holding you back." Remus chuckled. "How soon do you think he'll ambush me with the "hurt her and I hurt you" talk?"

"Oh, Sirius was your friend first. He won't do that to you." I giggled softly.

"Oh he would. He adores you, Dez." He laughed. "He just doesn't want to marry you."

I rolled my eyes. "I think marriage is a waste of time. If I'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone, I don't need a piece of paper proving it. I want the ability to walk away if things change, without having to go through all that divorce crap. Besides, I don't need the government, muggle or magic, involved in my personal affairs."

"Yeah. I see your point." He chuckled. "I guess I never thought of it like that."

"Yeah, I'm not a fan of anything that says I can't do whatever I want." I giggled. "Gay marraige, Werewolves in the workplace, a little bit of drugs, whatever. It should be legal for people who want it."

"I don't know if our society can handle it, Dez. I mean, werewolves working for a living? You'd think that they're people!" He laughed along with me. "And gay marriage, oh now that would definitely destroy everything the church has worked for."

I smiled. "Have I told you how much I adore you?"

"You might have, but I do love to hear it." Remus teased.

"I suppose I could say it again, since you love hearing it. I adore you, Remus Lupin." I said, staring up at the first star of the night sky. "Star light, star bright. First star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight."

"It's probably not even a star," Remus chuckled. "With all the junk muggles are throwing into the sky."

"Yeah, I heard that they'd been to the moon..." I whispered in awe. "I mean, how cool is that?"

"Pretty cool." Remus laughed. "All of muggle science is pretty interesting, though I will say that magic proves some of muggle science wrong."

"You know... I was thinking of getting a flat in muggle London when I graduated, maybe getting a muggle job and spending a year seeing how they live." I smiled.

"That would be boring, trust me. My mom worked as a muggle nurse for a few weeks before she got fed up with not being able to heal even the slightest wounds with magic." Remus chuckled. "Said that they were stuck in the dark ages."

"Well, from what I've seen, they kind of are. Though the cars are cool. It would be so much easier moving luggage in a car than on a broom or whatever." I smiled.

"Yeah, but you couldn't even do a cleaning charm without the neighbors freaking out." He laughed.

"What would they think if they saw someone playing quidditch?" I laughed. "Gosh, that'd be a sight."

"Yeah, suppose it would."

"Rem, why can't we just all live in peace?" I sighed softly. "Why all this hiding?"

"Because if the we told the muggles about magic, they'd want us to do everything for them." He shrugged. "It'd put a lot of muggles out of jobs and over work all of us. Plus, they did try to kill us at one point."

"True enough." I sighed. The two of us stargazed and chatted until the sun started to rise over the lake without realizing a moment had passed.


	28. Troll! In the Dungeon!

AN: Thanks for the review, my lovely (That One) Leo. I'm glad I stuck with it this long too. See you next chapter!

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Remus and I managed the school day fine, even without any sleep, though we did get a lot of crap from the boys since Remus hadn't returned to the dorm. Nothing could faze us in our private bubbles of happiness, not even if the war had broken out in the middle of the Great Hall.

After classes, the five of us marched out onto the grounds for an evening of studying and quidditch. Remus and I finished our homework for the week and flopped onto our backs.

"This whole resorting thing is a pain in my ass." I chuckled, glancing over at him. A smile tugging at the corners of my mouth despite everything.

"What did you expect, Dezzie? Your house is supposed to be your family, and you basically disowned them. Plus, you hexed Snape." Remus teased. "I mean, it's okay for a Gryffindor to hex a Slytherin, but hexing a housemate and then running away? Shame on you."

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't hex him, Rem. I silenced him. I also basically screamed to the whole house that they were blood purist scum and that I would enjoy putting them in Azkaban. I mean, they might have taken that a little personally... Especially when I added that I hoped the dementors gave Sev kisses good night..."

"You didn't." Remus sighed. "Please tell me you didn't"

"I said something along those lines." I laughed. "I was just so... mad. I didn't want to deal with it anymore. I didn't want anything to do with these death eater wanna-bes."

"You should have just hexed him, it would have been better." Remus said, wrapping setting his hand on my arm.

I fell silent, unsure what to say now.

Too soon, the sky grew dark and the five of us headed towards the castle. Remus and I walked a step behind the three louder boys and chatted quietly.

"Hey, there's still a little bit before curfew. Wanna sneak off and give them something to talk about at breakfast?" I whispered.

"Sure." Remus said, pulling me down a separate hallway as the boys headed upstairs. I smiled at Remus and took off at a run towards the dungeons. I heard Remus chuckle and chase after me.

The two of us ran through the dungeons, playing a little game of chase.

"Miss Desari! Jenna has been looking everywhere for you!" A small voice called as I turned a corner. I tripped and fell to a heap on the floor in my effort to avoid running the poor house elf over. Remus was second behind me, but somehow managed to stop just in time.

"Hi Jenna." I laughed as the two each grabbed a hand to help me up. "What'd you need, love?"

"Jenna has a gift and message for Desari." Jenna grinned proudly. She held out a small doll, almost exactly like the one Severus had given me for Christmas, except this one's hair was enchanted to change between silver and green. "Master Snape says to deliver this directly to Desari and tell her that he's sorry. That she should return to Slytherin before it's too late."

"Thank you, Jenna." I whispered, taking the doll.

"Desari looks sad. Did Jenna do something wrong?" The small elf looked devastated.

"No, no Jenna. You're great. There's just a lot of confusing things going on right now." Desari forced a smile and patted the elf's head. "You go up and get yourself some chocolate. There isn't any in the bowl, but there is some in the bedside table."

"Okay!" Jenna hugged my legs, nearly making me fall all over again. "Jenna will see you soon, Miss Desari!"

I waited for the house elf to leave with a pop before letting my smile fade. Severus was using poor, innocent Jenna against me. And what was with the veiled threat? Before it was too late for what?

"It's okay, Dez. The marauders are with you no matter what." Remus whispered softly. "You're one of us, now and forever."

"I know." I whispered, slowly wandering back towards the stairs. It would be curfew soon anyways, and I needed to figure out how to handle Severus. Remus wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and the two of us walked in silence.

When we passed the Potions Dungeon, a wonderful idea crossed my mind. I grinned and grabbed Remus's arm, dragging him inside.

"Dez, what are you-" Remus asked, but I put a hand over his mouth. Slowly, I moved my hand off his mouth and crept up to Professor Slughorn's desk. I set the Troll doll on the desk and placed a sticking charm on it so it would still be there when we had potions in the morning.

I smiled softly at Remus and grabbed his hand, dragging him back out of the room. "Don't worry. Horace adores me. Plus, it'll show Snape what I think of his apology."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Sometimes, you're as immature as Sirius."

"I know." I grinned, dancing my way up the stairs. It would be curfew soon, and we still had a ways to walk.

The two of us walked in a comfortable silence to the door to my private quarters. Just before we went our separate ways, Remus took my hand. "Dez, thanks for wearing the ring. It means a lot." He whispered, toying with the ring on my hand.

"It's no problem, Rem. I love it." I smiled and leaned forward, giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight, Remus."

I turned and entered my dorm before he could respond. I shut the door behind me and leaned against it. "Bloody hell, Malfoy?" I whispered to myself. "What on Earth were you thinking, kissing him like that? You know he needs time to think things over... Bloody idiot..."

I slowly walked away from my door and to my nice warm bed. Maybe I needed some time to think things over too.

The next morning came fast and hit me hard as the light I still wasn't used to pulled me awake shortly after dawn. I couldn't get back to sleep, even after I conjured some curtains (In green, because I did still love Slytherin, even if I didn't feel safe there). Finally, I gave up and sat at the teacher's desk, the only desk left in the classroom turned dorm. I started drawing, not thinking about what it would be when I was done. For once, I wasn't trying to draw anything or anyone in particular. I was just letting the lines guide me. When I was done with the bigger lines, I put a temporary enlargement charm on the page so I could draw the smaller, finer details. It was the only magic I ever used when I drew. By the time I was done with the drawing, breakfast was over and I only had a few minutes left to get to the dungeons before Potions. I gently returned the paper to it's original size and slid it into my drawing book. I could wonder about it later.

I grabbed my bookbag and ran the whole way down into the dungeons, not even stopping to say hi to the boys when I got there. I went to sit in my usual seat by Severus, but it was taken. Emmeline Vance was in my seat... I looked around, confused, and saw that the only seat left was next to Sirius.

I sat down, silently. Everyone's eyes were on me. I blushed and pulled out my potions book, rereading the chapter until they looked away.

"It's safe to talk now, Dez." Sirius breathed.

I looked up at him apologetically. "Thank's Padfoot. Why is Vance in my usual seat?"

"New seating chart." Sirius grinned. "I guess good old Slughorn thought he should move a few of us around."

I smiled lightly. "Thank god. I don't know if I could stand sitting with that slimy git."

"Wow, you were friends just a few days ago, Dez. That's a harsh turn about." Sirius teased, setting his arm on my shoulder. "Poor kid must be all confused."

I shrugged and straightened up as Professor Slughorn entered the room, nearly ten minutes late for his own class. "Good morning students. I hope you spent the last ten minutes reading the next chapter, rather than gossiping about the new seating chart."

Most of the class fell silent, but I did notice a smirk settled on Snape's face. Of course he was reading, everyone had been talking about him... and me, but I was used to it. As if sensing that I was watching him, Severus turned his nastiest glare on me. I didn't back down, I glared right back at him, looked at the troll doll still secured onto Slughorn's desk, turned back to Severus and grinned.

Severus's pale face went red with fury and he turned back to the front of the class quickly. He didn't look at me again.

Slughorn chuckled lightly. "Well, class, we're going to be studying something much more entertaining than Girding potion or shrinking solution. Today we're going to begin our chapter on Amortentia. I rolled my eyes lightly. I'd made a dozen vials of Amortentia over the summer for Mr. White's apothecary.

"Can anyone share with the class exactly what it is that Amortentia does?" Slughorn asked.

I sighed and raised my hand.

"Yes, Miss Malfoy?" Slughorn grinned at me.

"It's the most powerful love potion known to man." I said matter-of-factly. "It doesn't create real love, of course, but it does create a powerful affection, bordering on obsession in the drinker. It also smells like that which attracts you the most."

"Would you mind sharing with the class what you think you would smell, given the chance?" Slughorn asked gently.

"I would smell expensive chocolate and old books." I shrugged. "That means that I probably wouldn't be fooled if someone put some in my morning juice. My evening hot chocolate though? I probably wouldn't notice if done properly."

"Brilliant, Miss Malfoy." Slughorn grinned. "Now, everyone draw out a piece of parchment. I want you to write exactly what you think Amortentia will smell like to you. Don't worry if there's one thing or ten, no one else will see this."

The professor drew up curtains in the middle of out desks to separate us from our partners so that no one could see our papers. I smiled at the sound of scratching quills as I wrote my own answer. "Rich, dark chocolate. Fresh ink. Dusty old tomes."

I wondered what the others would smell. Remus would probably smell ink and coffee. Sirius might smell bacon and cologne. James would probably smell quidditch and hair gel... or Lily's perfume. Peter would smell fresh soil and sunlight. I chuckled, wondering if I was even close.

Slughorn waited for the last person to stop writing before he spoke again. "Now, I'm going to come around to each one of you, and let you smell the real thing. You don't have to write that down if you don't want to. I just want you to give yourself a scale of one to ten, ten being the closest and one being the farthest from your guess."

Slughorn walked around to each person and let them smell. Most people just wrote a number, but a few spent several moments revising their answers. When he finally reached me, he gave me a small smile. "Go ahead, dear. Give her a whiff.

I rolled my eyes and sniffed the potion. The smell had changed since summer. Now it smelled faintly of chocolate and ink, but mostly it smelled like coffee, the forest after rain, and something I couldn't quite put my finger on. It smelled wonderful... like... moonlight? Does moonlight even have a smell?

Before I could sift through my memories properly, Slughorn took the vial away and replaced the stopper. "Now you all know what to look out for if someone tries to slip you Amortentia. Miss Malfoy, how would you rate you guess on a scale of one to ten?"

I frowned. "I would rate myself a two. It smelled a little of chocolate, but mostly it smelled like rain."

Slughorn chuckled. "And Miss Malfoy, have you been exposed to Amortentia before?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I brewed some during my summer internship, just last summer."

"Very good, Miss Malfoy. Do you still think that someone could slip it in your cocoa without you noticing?" Slughorn asked softly.

"Definitely not."

Mister Black, on a scale of one to ten, how did you rate yourself?" Slughorn continued.

"I gave myself a four."

"Excellent!" Slughorn grinned. "Mister Snape?"

"One."

"Mister Goyle?"

"Five."

"Miss Evans?"

"I gave myself a zero. It was nothing like I expected."

"Wonderful class! Now you see how difficult it would really be to slip someone some Amortentia without them noticing." Slughorn returned to his desk. "You would have to know a person better than they know themselves. You would have to know who they are now, because in as little as a year, everything can change. You would have to know them and love them."

The class was silent for once as they truly thought about it. Slughorn gave us the rest of the hour to read the chapter and take notes. Snape's eyes didn't leave the troll for the rest of the class.


	29. A Pack of Our Own

AN: I posted this book to Inkitt for a contest. I would absolutely adore if you guys would head over there and vote for me. Or for someone else. There's another really good Marauder's one in the contest called Midnight Marauder. You really should check it out. The link is: [slash] fandom. As always, I love you all and here's your reward for being awesome!

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The week seemed to drag on and on. It was close enough to summer vacation that people were starting to get restless. No one wanted to pay attention in class, not even some of the teachers. Most of class time was spent lazily reviewing for our upcoming OWLs, which just happened to be right after the last Hogsmeade weekend of the year. Several students had already decided that they would be staying in the castle instead.

"You sure you want to go to Hogsmeade this weekend? We could all use the extra study days." Remus whispered softly as we poured over our textbooks on the grounds.

"I'm not letting you get out of this, Rem." I hissed back, keeping my voice low. We hadn't told the boys of our weekend plans yet, and they were sprawled out around us pretending to study, other than Peter who was studying like the tests were tomorrow. "It'll be my only chance to get you out on a date."

"Yeah, Yeah. Just remember, it's only one date." Remus frowned worriedly. "It's too dangerous."

"Yeah, yeah. You're such a monster. Perhaps you'll turn into a werewolf in the middle of the day and start chewing on my face." I rolled my eyes. "Remus, I don't beleive all that dangerous crap. You're about as dangerous as my brother's cat."

"Dez, this is serious." Remus hissed.

"Remus, you aren't a monster." I insisted softly. We'd been having this same argument all week. "I turn into a man-eating beast for a whole week each month, and you still hang out with me. I think I can handle you turning into one for one damn night."

"It's not-"

"It's not the same. I know, Remus." I groaned. "Give it a rest already. I. Am. Not. Going. Anywhere."

The two of us fell silent as we returned to our studies.

After hours of studying and taking turns helping each other out, the five of us headed back inside. It was Sirius's turn to walk me to my dorm, because evidently I couldn't be trusted without supervision. When we finally got there I gave him a tired wave and went to enter my dorm.

"Dez, wait a sec, would ya?" Sirius grinned, leaning on my shoulder.

"What?" I yawned.

"What's going on with you and Moony?" He smiled brighter. "And don't bother saying nothing, because we've all noticed and Wormtail and Prongs have probably already ambushed him too."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Padfoot." I sighed, leaning against the door to my dorm.

"The secret smiles when you think we aren't watching. The looks. The bickering like a married couple." Sirius knew he had me trapped. "What on earth happened last week when you guys stayed out all night?"

"I asked him out." I shrugged. "He told me that he was a dangerous werewolf. We argued. We talked. End of story."

"He used THAT as an excuse? But we were making so much progress!" Sirius groaned. " He likes you, you like him. What's the freaking problem?"

"He thinks I'm too good for him, just because he's a rotten wolf." I rolled my eyes. "He won't take 'I don't care as an answer. Now leave it be. It's a bit of a sore spot."

"You're just going to let him leave it there?" Sirius frowned, looking rather disappointed with me.

"Of course not, Black." I yawned again. "Why do you think we've been arguing so much? Now go to bed and leave my Dashuri alone."

"What's a dashery?" Sirius asked softly.

"It's dashuri. It's... I've never used... or even heard that word before..." I frowned. "I have no clue."

Sirius chuckled. "Making up your own language, huh? You should probably get to bed, Ghost."

I chuckled lightly and turned to the dragon portrait guarding my door. "The seven rules of the Dragon's Ghost" I whispered. The Dragon roared and blew ice at me, but the door swung open easily.

"Night, Padfoot." I smiled as I slipped inside. I went straight to my desk and pulled out the drawing from earlier this week. A snow tiger with one pure white paw and a marking on it's neck that looked suspiciously like part of a tribal tattoo stared back from the page of snow and trees. The whole thing felt eerily familiar, but I knew I'd never seen anything like it. A few greys, a hint of brown, and bright blue later, it hit me. This was me. My animagus was a white tiger. This is what my hallucinations had been trying to tell me.

I quickly slid the page into a protective sheet so it wouldn't get ruined and closed my eyes. Perhaps I could do this for all of us. I thought of Sirius, of Padfoot and his mournful howl. I brought up the memories of how the visions had felt and thought of a big, shaggy, black canine.

I stopped thinking and just let myself draw as soon as the inspiration hit me. I stayed up for hours, letting my muggle art tools do the work for me. My mind was black, long after I set the page aside and finally went to bed. I would show Padfoot in the morning and see if it worked.

The next morning I wandered down to breakfast with my bag over my shoulder and my sketchpad in my hand. The boys were all there, whispering amongst themselves. I smiled and walked up behind Remus to scare him.

"And you're sure the exact word she said was Dashuri?" Remus hissed, looking frightened. I froze in my tracks and listened. Guilt crept up my spine from eavesdropping on my friends, but it didn't seem like they planned on waiting for me.

"Yes. She said it twice, in fact." Sirius sighed. "Why do you know what it means? Because she didn't even know."

"Yeah, I know what it means." Remus sighed. "You've read all about werewolves, yeah? How they mate for life and everything?"

"Of course. What's that got to do with Desari's made up word?" Sirius groaned, stuffing several pieces of bacon into his mouth.

"When a werewolf choses his mate, he called her Zemer. It means heart in Albanian. When the mate accepts, she responds with Dashuri, which means love. Basically, those two words form a promise between wolf and mate. A promise to have one heart and one love." Remus keened.

"So Dez is your mate? But you've never used the word Zemer before." Sirius frowned.

"I did though." Remus groaned. "I called her my Zemer the other night, when she was upset about the whole resorting thing. I named her my mate, and now she named me hers."

"So? You like her. She likes you. I don't see a problem." Sirius shrugged. "Isn't the whole werewolf and mate thing destiny anyways? Your mate is pre-decided by fate or whatever? At least you actually LIKE your mate."

"Yeah, it's fate, but naming each other makes it much more real." Remus frowned. "Okay, think of it this way, naming your mate is like... buying a girl a promise ring. It's a promise for something bigger. Then there's marking your mate. Usually, werewolves mark their mate by turning them, but some werewolves chose other ways, like a tattoo or something. Marking is the werewolf version of an engagement. And then there's the bonding ceremony..."

"Which is a werewolf wedding." Sirius smiled.

"Basically." Remus shrugged. "Anyways, the point of it is, naming Dez as my mate was a horrible thing for me to do. Especially since I didn't even explain very well. And now that she named me back, there's this like... bond between us. And it'll grow stronger all the time. If we hadn't named each other, we could just walk away from each other and no problem. Now, there's this magic that will link us forever. We could still walk away of course, but it would hurt... like a lot. And that's a very scary thing when you're fifteen."

"Yeah, but you like each other." Sirius shrugged. "Just talk to her about it."

"Sirius, she thinks marriage sounds too permanent." Remus growled. "If marriage is too much commitment, what do you think she'll say about a magical bond that she LITERALLY can't get out of?"

I couldn't just stand there anymore. I purposely tripped over another kid walking by and joined the table, just in time for everyone to go eerily quiet. "Morning boys." I grinned.

I piled my plate with food and pretended I hadn't heard any of their conversation. Remus would share when he was ready. I tossed my sketchbook to Sirius as I started to eat.

Sirius eyed me warily. "Is this some kind of trap, Dez?"

"Just turn to the last page." I snapped through a mouthful of sausage.

When Sirius finally got to the right page, (he'd stopped several times to admire a different drawing) he bit his lip as he examined it. I could see the image clearly in my mind. A big, black, dog with matted black hair and silver eyes growling at the viewer. The dog appeared far too skinny, like it had been eating nothing but scraps for years. The bed it was laying on was dust covered and the bedding torn. The room around it was trashed, destroyed, and also covered in a thick layer of dust. You could see paw prints in the carpet from where the mangy mutt of a dog had walked on it's way to the bed.

"Dez, it's as if you plucked the image straight from my head... well, plucked it from my head and cleared it up... a lot." Sirius chuckled. "Beautiful work."

I nodded and continued to devour my breakfast. James leaned over Sirius's shoulder to get a good look at the page. "Bloody brilliant." He grinned. Sirius turned the page, and I saw the image of the tiger, reflected off his dark pupils. "Is this one you?"

"Yep. I'll get to every one else later, but I thought it looked pretty freaking good." I yawned softly and pushed my plate away.

The boys passed around my sketchbook, Peter gushing about how talented I was and Remus just giving me a proud smile. "Where'd you get the idea of Sirius as a dog? I mean it suits him well, but did you have to make him so mangey?"

I grinned. "You should see his patronus. He can only keep it up for like a second, but it looks JUST like this."

The other three readily agreed with my lie and we set off for classes. We all spent our classes studying, and helping each other study. Except for Defense Against the Dark Arts, we weren't quite done with our last chapter in that class. "Sorry kids, I thought I'd planned better." Professor Jones apologized over and over. "You'll just have to review on you're own."

And the five of us did spend the hours before dinner reviewing. By the time we'd all eaten our fill, none of us could stand the thought of even one more page. Sirius, James, and Peter took to the skies to blow off their extra energy. Remus settled into the sand by the lake to bask in the late spring sun. And I pulled out my sketch pad and let my pen glide. This time around, the details were bigger, closer to the page. I didn't need to enlarge the page at all to finish my drawing of Peter. When I was finally done, I looked up at the darkening sky with surprize. All four of the boys were on the ground around me now. Sirius was even asleep in the grass nearby.

"Do you have to sit so close?" I groaned, standing and stretching my stiff muscles.

"Dude, you are alive!" James yelled.

"Yeah! You haven't responded to anything we said or did for an hour!" Peter echoed James's surprize.

Remus chuckled. "You get so into your work sometimes. Even i would have responded if Sirius had set my robes on fire."

"He set my robes on fire?" I gasped, glancing down to check out the damage.

"I already fixed it, don't worry." Remus laughed. "But you really have been super out of it."

"Excellent drawing though." James grinned. "I think I can even see a drop of sweat on Pete's whiskers."

I glanced down at the page. There was indeed a drop of seat on one whisker of the ugly brown rat. There was also several patches of fur missing and a silver paw that seemed to be made of some shiney metal. The background of the picture was a mass of red, too close to the rat to tell for sure, but I thought it might be a cushion from the Gryffindor common room.

I yawned sleepily. "Yeah. I think I did alright." I shrugged.

"I love how you made it so detailed, even though it's only from a patronus." Remus grinned.

I smiled softly at him. "Yeah, it's great right?"

I waited for the boys to get to their feet. The five of us walked back to the castle in sleepy silence. Sirius leaned on Remus to support his half-asleep frame and I managed to convince everyone that I didn't need an escort to my own room


	30. Madame Puddifoot's

AN: A very special thank you to Aciolympus who left me not one, but TWO reviews in the last 24 hours! Thank you so much, I love you readers so much. Also, I'm down to being only two chapters ahead of you... Wow, how'd that happen? Anyways, that means that I might take a couple weeks off at the end of the Marauder's fifth year, but I will be back. I just need to get my thoughts and plans mapped out a bit better. I'll let you know for sure when I get there. Also, check out my side story (It's on my page and it's title is A Marauder's Pensieve) for even more Desari and the Marauders stories. Most are really short (like 500 ish words) but that means I can post to that one more often.

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Saturday Morning couldn't come fast enough for my taste. I was going on my very first date, and with a boy I actually liked! Yeah, Remus's whole mate talk with Sirius had freaked me out a bit, but I'd done my own reading too. Everything Remus had said was true, but it didn't sound nearly as terrifying when reading it from the pages of a dusty old tome. Besides, it wasn't like we were actually considering any of the other steps.

I had been thinking about marriage my whole life. I'd thought about how much I didn't want to marry some snobby pureblood. I'd thought about how horrible it would be to be married to a monster like my father. I'd never even considered that not every man was like my father, or even my brother. I'd never thought how a boy without Slytherin values could change my life.

Now that I was thinking about it, marriage didn't seem nearly as bad. Though the thought of spending a LIFETIME with someone was still a little scary, I was only fifteen after all. Spending time with Remus was wonderful. The thought of spending years with Remus was even kind of great. The thought of spending a lifetime with him, however, still made me nervous.

I pushed all that mate stuff from my brain and stared into the mirror as I tried on yet another outfit for tomorrow. "Jenna, what do you think of this one?"

I did a quick spin for the elf and sighed. "It's cute, but I'm not sure it's Remus cute."

Jenna grinned. "I think Miss Desari looks beautiful!"

"Thanks, Jenna." I smiled softly and slid the dress off. "What about the red one? You know, the one that looks like fire if I move just right? Red and Gold are his colors. Do you think he'll like that one better?"

"I think Master Lupin will think Desari is beautiful, even if she dresses in a tablecloth." Jenna laughed. "Master Lupin likes Desari."

"I know, but I've really got to bring my game to a whole new level, Jenna." I sighed, glaring at all my dresses. "I have to show him that he NEEDS me in his life. We both know he wants me in his life, but with his condition, I can't leave a speck of doubt in his mind."

Jenna nodded. "Yes, the house elves knows about Master Lupin's condition. We make him comfort foods sometimes when he has so go away."

I smiled idly at the thought of a happy little house elf presenting Remus with a basket of chocolates and baked goodies. "Yeah. So I need to really wow him. I need to prove that I'm serious."

Jenna giggled happily. "Jenna had a wonderful idea! Remember that dress Desari brought for the ball in her third year? The one that was too big for Desari?"

I nodded silently. "Yeah, but it's too small now. I grew out of it last summer."

"Jenna can fix it up!" Jenna grinned. "Is it in Desari's closet at Desari's home?"

"Yeah, but I don't think you can fix it fast enough, my dear. I need it tomorrow." I sighed hopelessly.

"Leave it to Jenna!" The house elf smiled. "Jenna and her friends will have it perfect! All Jenna needs is permission to go get it!"

"Of course, you can. You can always visit my house. You've got an open invitation as long as I live there." I smiled.

Jenna hugged me and disappeared with a snap. I sighed and went to my desk. I was too restless to sleep, and I still had my portrait of Prongs to do. I cleared my mind and got out all my tools. It was going to be a long night.

I finally went to bed just a few hours before dawn. For some reason, I couldn't draw a background for my portrait of Prongs. All I had done was draw a peaceful looking stag in the center of a blank white page. The stag had James's lovely brown eyes and a marvelous rack of antlers, but it seemed out of place, just standing in the middle of nothingness.

When morning came, I showered and got ready, but the time to leave was ticking ever closer, and I still didn't have a thing to wear. I'd already called for Jenna a dozen times, but it seemed that she was busy. I was just starting to freak out when I heard a quiet pop behind me.

"Miss Desari! Jenna said she would have it! And Jenna does!" Jenna said holding out the marvelous length of cobalt blue cloth.

I slipped into the dress and Jenna helped me fasten it so I could see her work. I did a slow spin in front of the mirror. The once formal dress had been altered almost beyond recognition. The once floor-length hem had been shortened to my knees. The high back had been removed in a V shape down to the small of my back. Instead of a stuffy ballgown, the dress had been turned into a fancy sundress with shimmery blue fabric and beads embroidered at the line of the bust.

Several of the scars on my back were visible, but I cast a quick glamour on them and they disappeared before our eyes. I kneeled down to hug the small elf. "I don't know how you did it, Jenna, but this is perfect!" I whispered to her.

Jenna and I spent a few more minutes perfecting my casual but classy look and before I knew it I was out the door. I jogged down to the Great Hall to meet Remus, and luckily he wasn't there yet. I sighed in relief and waited patiently.

Remus ran down the stairs just a minute later. "Oh good, you're still here." He smiled apologetically. "The boys attacked me, just as I was getting ready to leave."

I smiled lightly. "I've only been here a moment myself. Jenna was working on my dress."

He chuckled. "Well, you look fantastic. I'm sure it would have been worth the wait."

I smiled and looked him over. His hair had been gelled into place, probably by James. His outfit looked rather uncomfortable, and maybe a little too big. If I had to guess it was probably chosen by Peter from Sirius's closet. And he was covered in Sirius's cologne.

"Oh gosh, they really tried to snaz you up huh?" I grinned.

"Yeah..." He blushed.

I rolled my eyes and slid my arm through his. "Well, if it helps, that leather jacket is sooo sexy"

He smiled. "Yeah, and the black jeans, totally rocking them two sizes too big."

I laughed. "At least they let you wear your own shoes."

He nodded and went to run a hand through his hair. "All this gel..."

"And you smell like Sirius..." I laughed. "Come here. Let me fix it."

He gave me a sheepish smile and came to stand right in front of me. I pulled the jacket off his shoulders gently and laid it on the banister. I waved my wand, banishing most of the gel from his hair and brushed it back to it's usual place with my hands. I shrunk his silver button up shirt and black muggle jeans to fit and straightened the Slytherin tie that they must have stolen from someone. The final touch was giving him a kiss right next to a rather deep scar on his face, leaving behind a lip print in a shimmery pink shade.

"Much better" We said at the same time and walked together to Hogsmeade.

When we got to Madame Puddifoot's Remus hung up Sirius's coat and the two of us took a booth by the window. Not many students had made their way out of the castle this close to the end of the year, so the village was quiet. Remus ordered a coffee and danish and I got some raspberry tea and some light sandwiches.

"Those boys got you good, but in their defense, they were probably trying to help." I smiled.

"Yeah, I guess they were." He chuckled.

"Did you tell them you were coming to meet me?" I smiled lightly.

"Just Sirius. But the others probably assumed as much." Remus shrugged. "I mean, it's not as if I go on a lot of dates."

"I bet you go on plenty." I smiled. "And if you don't it's your own fault. You're handsome, nice, funny... all that crap girls go gaga over."

"I'm also a bloodthirsty beast." He pointed out.

I rolled my eyes. "Only once a month. The rest of the time, you're just you."

"Most girls wouldn't see it that way." Remus shrugged.

"Any worth your time would." I frowned and changed the subject before we ruined the date. "Anyways, you think you'll do alright on your OWLs?"

Remus shrugged. "Yeah. I should be fine. Might need to work a little harder in DADA. I mean, the ten ways to tell if someone's a werewolf? How on earth would I remember those?"

"Let's see... He's got adorable amber eyes. He looks yummy, especially when wearing his own clothes. Once a month, he gets in fights with his razor and the razor always wins." I teased.

"He's sitting in my chair. His name's Remus J Lupin." He chuckled. "That's five right there."

I smiled. "The only one I'm worried about is Herbology. I'm absolutely rotten at it."

"Sit next to Pete." He joked. "He's got a hell of a green thumb, that one."

"Yeah. He's been helping me out quite a bit, really." I laughed softly.

"You ever finish your drawings for the patronus thing?" Remus smiled.

"Nah, James's is giving me trouble." I sighed. "I got his drawn, but I can't get a background on it. I mean seriously? How hard is it to imagine a stag surrounded by trees or something?"

Remus laughed. "Must be pretty hard. Besides, the tiger is surrounded by trees. Maybe the stag should be like next to a lake or something."

I shrugged. "When are you going to show me your patronus? I can't draw it if I can't see it."

"I don't have one." Remus shrugged, tensing up. "Well, I do, but you know what I mean."

"Can't conjure it?" I smiled as the waitress brought our drinks. "Mister "I'm great at everything" can't create a corporeal patronus? I find that hard to believe."

Remus shrugged. "Can't think of the right memory I guess."

The two of us fell into a comfortable silence, each munching on our respective snacks.

"Think we could go for a walk after this? I don't want to go back to the castle just yet." Remus asked softly.

"Of course, love." I grinned. "I like spending time with you."

When the waitress came over again, I asked her for the check with a grin. Remus dug in his pocket, but I waved him away. "No, love. I got this. You can catch the bill next time... if you want to go out again, that is..."

Remus blushed lightly. "You can count on it. I really enjoyed spending time together without the boys yapping in the distance."

I smiled and the two of us left the tea shop, hand in hand. We wandered the village, and he led me to shops I'd never bothered to go into before. We visited Honeydukes, and loaded up on sweets. We stepped into Zonko's and picked up a few things for the boys. We even spent some time in a little book store that smelled of aged pages and fresh ink. As we walked back to the school, arms laden with our shopping bags, we chatted about nothing in particular and admired the sunset over the forest.


	31. Nightmares

AN: Thanks you for the review Aciolympus. By the way, I'm going to try and continue the pattern of Desari's thoughts and actions being in first person POV (I, me, us, ect.) and Ghost's actions and thoughts being in third person (she, her, they, ect.). If you're ever confused on that, let me know in a review and I'll fix/explain it for you. More notes at the end...

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"How can you eat those things?" Remus asked making a face at my deep red lollipop.

"I like blood pops. I dunno why." I shrugged sucking on the sweet, metallic candy. "My brother got one for me one year, as a joke, and I binged on them for like a month afterwards."

Remus laughed. "Yeah, there's definitely something wrong with you." Remus teased, setting Sirius's jacket over my shoulders and wrapping an arm around me.

"Perks of being raised by a psycho." I giggled, nuzzling my cheek against his hand.

Remus walked me all the way to my dorm room and held the bags I was carrying so I could open the door. The dragon blew ice at me again, but the lock clicked after I muttered my password. I opened the door and waved Remus inside so he could set things down.

Remus blushed lightly at the thought of being in a girls dorm alone, but followed me in regardless. I snapped my fingers and the torches flared to life.

"Happy birthday!" The other boys screamed, bouncing from behind all my furnature.

"Guys, it's not my birthday." I frowned. "My birthday was months ago."

"We know." Sirius grinned smugly. "I think it was back in November, yeah? Like the 30th?"

"Yep. November 30th. The same day ancient witches and wizards celebrated Hecate, goddess of magic and trifectas. Birth, life, death and the new, full and dark moons to name a few." I smiled. "If you know it's not my birthday, why are you all in my room?"

"We were bored, and we knew you'd come back here." Peter shrugged. "Figured this was an easy meeting place anyways, since you can't come to the Gryffindor commons."

I shrugged. "I dunno. I might be able to convince them to let me in, since I'm not a Slytherin anymore. But this is a fine place to meet. Just don't eat all my candy or go through my drawers."

Sirius laughed. "We've been doing exactly that for hours. We expected you guys back like four hours ago."

"We went shopping." I shrugged, setting the bags on my bed to be gone through. I tossed candy into the dish on my desk, refilling it. The things we got the boys from Zonkos were tossed around to them. The books lightly placed on top of my bookshelf.

I sucked on another blood pop as we laid out our books and spread out on the bed and in the few chairs left in the room.

"Can I look at your drawings, Dez?" Peter asked from his spot at my desk.

"Sure thing." I shrugged, opening my herbology book to study for the up coming OWLs. I color coded my notes by tapping the inkpot with my wand when I needed to change colors.

"You're going to over study and get it all confused." Peter said tugging the book away from me an hour later. "Just relax about it. You haven't needed my help in class for weeks."

"What's up with the drawing of me, Ghost?" James asked, holding up the page. "There's like no background or anything."

"I dunno, Prongs. I can't figure it out myself." I shrugged. "I just... couldn't you know?"

James shrugged. "Yeah, I guess I get it. Sometimes it's hard being creative. Think of all the crappy poetry I've read to girls over the years. It could have been so much more over the top if I'd just had the right creativity."

We all rolled our eyes at that. Remus snorted. "I highly doubt that sonnet to Lily's hair last year could have been any worse, even if you hadn't compared it to a hill of fire ants."

"Did he really compare her hair to ants?" I frowned, looking up from the rainbow colored wolf I'd been doodling on the back of my notes. At Remus's solemn nod I sighed. "James, have you ever been exposed to fire ants? Those little jerks hurt. Especially when you trod on their home. They crawl all over you and bite the hell out of your legs."

"Why on earth were you stomping on an ant hill?" Sirius smirked.

"Because I was an innocent child who didn't know any better. I later repaid their kindness by covering the entire hill with wet start fireworks... in may." I sighed. "I normally don't condone violence, especially towards animals, but those little jerks deserved it."

James chuckled. "I bet they did."

We stayed up most the night sharing childhood stories and quizzing each other for the tests this week, dressed in our most comfortable pajamas. When sunlight started to show through my window, I ushered the sleepy Gryffindors out of my room so I could get some rest. It was sunday, the last sunday at Hogwarts this year. Tomorrow we would start our OWLs, Friday was the full moon, and Saturday afternoon, we would all be on the train home for the summer.

I fell asleep as soon as the boys left the room, falling into an uneasy, unrestful sleep. My mind was again taken by the tiger, a lonely beast in more pain than I'd ever felt in my life. The tiger was searching for something, desperate for it. She pawed at the ground trying to find the scent she'd lost, the scent she couldn't remember, but would recognize when she found it. She lifted her head and made a horrible sound sound of pain, a cross somewhere between a roar and a keening whine. Somewhere far in the distance, a howl echoed in response. The tiger heard the sound and looked up at the plump moon, wishing she had the strength to return to the wolf, but knowing that she couldn't. She wouldn't return until she found what she'd lost...the scent...what did the scent belong to? She growled in frustrated confusion and lowered her head to the ground again.

I woke up late that afternoon even more tired than when I'd gone to bed. I made my way down to the Great Hall stiff and groggy. I would have to ask Madame Pomfrey for some dreamless sleep potion later, just to rest up for the OWLs. Maybe I could tell her I was having night terrors... Of course then she'd want to know what they were about. Maybe I could talk to Professor Jones and he could talk to Madame Pomfrey for me.

"Do not ignore your dreams, young one." A whispery, feminine voice whispered behind me. "They whisper warnings of the things to come."

I turned to look at the speaker. Professor Sybil Trelawney stared at me from behind her large glasses that made her eyes look the size of diner plates. Her thin frame was bundled under no less than three sweaters and she smelled strongly of perfume. I stood shocked, I'd never seen the divinations professor up close before, let alone spoken to her.

"The Sight has woken in your soul. I can see it clearly." Her eyes flittered around me as if she stared into the air around me. "I've never seen the Sight so strongly before."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Professor." I whispered, feeling chilled to the bone with fear. Divination was just a bunch of nonsense, wasn't it? Even most wizards knew you couldn't trust it. "I don't have the Sight. I don't even believe in the Sight."

The Professor smiled as if amused by my words. "You may even be a stronger Seer than myself, but we'll see soon enough, young one. You'll see."

The strange woman suddenly looked away from me as if I was no longer there and continued on her way to the Great Hall. I followed, letting her walk far ahead of me so she wouldn't set those huge eyes on my again. When I got to the Great Hall I proudly seated myself at the Gryffindor table as if I belonged there. The boys had yet to arrive, but I knew they would soon enough.

The boys arrived when I was about halfway through my first plate. Remus sat beside me, his hand brushing against my back briefly. The smirk he gave me let me know it was on purpose. Peter and James sat across from us, chatting about some new, albeit brilliant plan to get us into trouble. Sirius dropped to my other side, leaning his elbow on my shoulder.

"You, my dear Ghostie, owe me a new shirt. And a pair of black jeans. We can't get your spells to wear off the ones I loaned Moony yesterday." Sirius grinned.

"At least your jacket survived." I winked. "I thought about charming that to fit me. Just think of the bad assery I could pull off in a leather jacket."

Sirius looked offended. "Such threats! Please don't force me to call the fashion police!"

I rolled my eyes. "Go right ahead. When they get here, make sure to ask them what kind of aristocrat can get away with wearing black jeans and a leather jacket together. That's best left to hoodlums."

"Hey, I got a Rebel Chic thing going on!" Sirius pouted.

"I don't think you know what fashion looks like..." I frowned. "I hate fashion, but even I wouldn't dress like that. Speaking of people who wouldn't know fashion if it slapped them, guess who randomly started talking to me on the way here."

"Bella." Sirius grinned.

"The Prewett boys?" Peter asked softly. I couldn't help glancing over at the twins in question. One was wearing a rather horrid orange jumper that clashed with his hair, and the other was wearing a midnight blue one that made him look pale as a ghost. Both jumpers were badly knitted, I assume by the older sister they talk about sometimes, Molly Prewett.

"No, the Prewetts just wear those sweaters because Molly works so hard on them. If you actually talked to them, they'd tell you they hate them." Remus chuckled. "My guess is Dumbledore. He's wearing those orangey pink muggle pajamas again."

"I think the color's called Salmon..." Sirius muttered.

"I have a guess." James stated proudly. He was smirking in a way that told the rest of us that he'd spent this whole time thinking of a good insult. We waited patiently like the good friends we were for James's punchline. "Was it Pete?"

Peter turned red and James grinned and hugged him. "Oh, calm down, Wormy. I was just playing. I would have picked on Sirius if Dez hadn't beaten me to it."

I rolled my eyes. "You're all wrong. But I do appreciate the efforts. Have any of you ever actually seen Professor Trelawney up close? She dresses as if she's never heard of clothes that fit... let alone look good. And seriously, what is up with all that junk hanging from her neck? I understand the concept of a amulet and even a charm, but do you really need to wear them all at once?"

"That's all true... but the real question is: why would she start talking to you? She doesn't even talk to her own students outside class." Remus frowned. "She rarely leaves the tower at all..."

"She thinks I'm a seer..." I laughed. "How crazy is that?"

The five of us were trampled well into the ground by our tests over the next four days. By the time our last test ended, Transfiguration on Thursday afternoon, we were all completely exhausted. We sat in a small circle together on the lawn, spending one last hour together before Remus had to head off. Most months he would have been gone all day the day before the full moon, but evidently OWLs were more important than... whatever werewolves went through the day before the moon. He would also have to return early... what with us leaving the day after the full moon.

Remus groaned and laid his head on my thigh. "I hate this time of month... My senses are on fire!"

"It's okay, Moony." I whispered, lightly running my fingers through his hair. "This is a safe space. None of us will judge you for being cranky. You are out of your cave after all."

He chuckled lightly. "Yeah... cave..."

The other boys happily ignored us, laying in the grass and trying their best not to think. We'd all agreed that we should call it an early night, but that didn't mean we didn't still have work to do. Sirius and I would be meditating with the Hazia mix tonight, which meant that all of us had at least two more hours before we could go to bed.

We walked Remus to Madame Pomfrey's before heading to the Room of Requirement. None of us really wanted to stay up for this, but there were only two nights left, just enough to do one more round of meditation. Now we knew what to expect. We could focus on our specific animals rather than just hoping it came to us by magic. Hopefully, we wouldn't need to start again next school year.

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AN2: I felt the need to mention that Desari Malfoy is not, in fact a seer. The "visions" that allow her to draw the future and dream foreshadow are nothing more than lingering after-effects of the incense, which can linger in the body up to thirty days, much like some real world drugs. The effects will wear off in time. I didn't want anyone to stop reading because my character was too perfect.


	32. Symptoms of Withdrawal

AN: As always, thank you to my readers for putting up with my crap and thank you to That One Leo for Reviewing on this and Marauder's Pensieve. Only two chapters left for this school year! I just wanted to let you guys know, and also ask whether you would prefer I just continue posting chapters here (Which will make this fic like 100 or more chapters once I'm done) or if you would prefer that I make a separate fic for each year. Please drop me a review if you have time, because this is important. I need to be able to compile a vote by the time I get to chapter 35/1, depending on your answer.

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Sirius and I settled into our bean bags and closed our eyes. We knew the drill. We would clear our minds and think of only our inner beasts. A ghost. Quite fitting for the silent, white predator my inner tiger was. This time I didn't feel myself going through the stages. Instead it was as if I fell asleep and woke up as her.

The tiger stretched lithely. Her body was stiff from sleeping on a hard branch rather than the soft grass 50 feet below. It had been a necessary evil. The human side of her brain knew it. The death eaters had been traveling in this area, luckily headed in the oposite direction as she was. The minions and their master were headed south, but she was headed north. She was headed home, to Hogwarts, for the first time in twelve years. It took two great leaps to reach the ground, one to a lower branch and one into a deep pile of leaves. The tiger stretched again now that she was on the ground, shaking of the drowsiness that seemed to stick to her like snow.

She did a quick inventory of her body. No new injuries. The jump hadn't hurt her. Her body temperature was at a low, but still safe level. She was still well fed from the hunt yesterday. She was okay.

Dry grass crunched under the tiger's feet as she made a slow, but sure way north towards Dufftown. She stopped at a lake and dipped her head to drink. Her reflection wavered in the water below her. She'd lost even more weight since she'd started traveling. If she wasn't careful she'd be a simple bag of bones by the time she returned to the United States. She supposed that all depended on if she made it back.

The tiger carefully avoided any and all forms of muggle gathering places, walking and sometimes running through the grassy hills and moors, hoping that she made it to Hogwarts before Padfoot got himself into trouble. She needed to talk to the stupid mutt. She knew in her heart that he was innocent of what they'd accused him of. The Sirius she knew and loved would have died to protect his pack. Sirius may well have killed Wormtail, it's true, but only if Wormtail had turned from the pack first. The tiger had never quite trusted the rat like her human side had.

The vision changed again, mid-stride and the tiger was younger. Her bones and heart no longer ached. The tiger roared in triumph and launched itself at the large, silvery wolf in front of her. Moony growled and moved out of the way before pouncing on her instead. What followed was the most intense and wonderful play fighting that the tiger had ever expirienced. She didn't have to hold back against the wolf like she did with the dog or even the stag. The wolf could take anything she threw at it and match her blow for blow.

By the time the wolf and the tiger had worn each other and themselves out, the sun was beginning to peak over the horizon. The tiger understood what that meant. She gently ushered the wolf towards the entrance to the shreiking shack where he could return to human form and get dressed in peace.

She and the other animals went their own ways to find where they'd hidden their clothes the night before. The tiger had chosen a quiet little beach on the farthest side of the Black Lake. It was the same spot she came when she wanted to go skinny dipping on the nights she couldn't sleep.

The tiger slowly returned to human form, plenty far enough from any peering eyes to worry about her scars. My finger lightly traced the newest one, the one that no one had ever seen. I mourned silently the newest mark on my long ruined body. I loved Remus so much, but I wasn't sure if he would still want me after he saw this.

I had learned to love the rest of my scars, eventually. Beautiful silver and white marks that decorated my pale skin. This mark, however, was not so beautiful. The angry red mark slashed across my chest, disfiguring the flesh of my breast and continuing down across my ribs.

I slowly got dressed, making sure that all my scars, even the beautiful ones, were covered. Too many people would ask too many questions if they saw them. I stayed at my spot, watching the lake slowly turn to gold before finally wandering back to our meeting spot.

The four of us waited patiently for Remus, despite our exhaustion. We would all usher ourselves up to the Room of Requirement and sleep it off together. It was simply the way we did things now that we were a true family. The sun was glittering over the lake by the time Remus crawled from the tunnel, dirty and with only a single new cut that I could see.

Sirius smiled and wrapped an arm around Remus's waist. "Let's go, you sleepy little pup. It's time for bed."

We all went upstairs and collapsed into beds in the Room of Requirement to sleep.

I woke up again in the RoR, but it was groggy and confused. I thought I'd gone to sleep in a bed... Or had that been the Hazia? I couldn't remember most of what I'd seen. Hogwarts. Padfoot. Fighting with Moony. A new scar. It all blurred together, the details falling away the more I tried to hang onto them. It was like trying to hold water in your fist.

It was hot in the room. I thought grumpily, looking around. The window was still dark, telling me I'd only been asleep for a few hours. The boys were spread out all over the room, all asleep still. I scratched lightly at my skin, trying to banish the tingling feeling there. I stretched out, trying to work the ache from my muscles.

I sighed and went to take a shower, taking my time under the cool waves of water,washing the sweat and the remainder of the dream from my system. When I returned, in my school clothes since it was the last day of school, Sirius was just stepping out of another room, also damp from a shower of his own. We gave each other shakey smiles and roused the other two.

"Today is a school day, James. We have literally every class today." I yawned, nudging his shoulder. Sirius was saying similar things to Peter. It took them time to wake and escape to shower and dress. By the time they returned, Sirius and I had come up with a plan.

We all went down to breakfast, saying nothing to the other two. We ate in relative silence, and waited for our moments. Just as breakfast was about to end, before any of the teachers stood up, Sirius and I turned in unison and cast a spell he'd learned in one of his visions.

"Graeci eloquii explicare sermone." We whispered, watching the nearly invisible wave of magic from our wands to encompass most of the hall. Only the handful of students were missed because they were behind us. Panic ensued shortly as teachers and students alike realized they could no longer understand each other.

Dumbledore stood and raised his voice over the crowd. "Qziubi wuzg mecl!" He yelled, silencing the whole room.

"Ci'zz jyfohi pdyb eop!" He tried again. "Mugl qhulxbpihb..." He shook his head and raised his wand. With his wand he wrote: "Unfortunately, I believe we may be forced to cancel classes for today. I'm sure this comes as a great disappointment to all of you. Hopefully things will have returned to normal by the time of the End of Year feast. Please enjoy your day."

The old wizard's twinkling eyes skimmed through the crowd to land on Sirius and I. We put on our best innocent faces and Dumbledore responded with a smile.

Students grinned and seemed to rise as one to head out the doors. Each babbling on, despite the fact that their peers couldn't understand them. The marauders waited until the floods had exited before standing themselves.

"Kzeema khyzzyulp." James smiled, looking at Sirius and I. He chuckled when his words came out garbled.

"Ug Y puzxylf ciyhm pee?" Peter asked, blushing when he realized we hadn't understood the question.

"... Meibl'p Mogkzimehi bqiux gihgybd?" James frowned, groaning lightly at the gibberish. He took out a piece of parchment and dug in _my_ school bag for a pencil. "Doesn't Dumbledore speak Mermish?" He wrote.

I stole the pencil back and glared at him for a moment. Then I took the page and wrote back. "Doesn't matter. No school means sleep."

Sirius smiled and grabbed the pencil and page from me. "Also, not Mermish. This is Gobbledygook. The language of goblins. No wizard has ever learned it."

"Ciyhm." I shrugged, not caring that I was speaking gibberish. The four of us stomped up the stairs to the RoR and some nice comfy beds.

When we woke again it was late afternoon and the sun was beating down on us. I was feeling slightly better, though I couldn't seem to get my hands to stop trembling.

"It's a symptom of withdrawal." Sirius muttered, sitting on his bed with his arms wrapped around his legs. "Not major enough to tell anyone about, but still a symptom. It's lucky that the Headmaster canceled school. We'll have to figure out something else next time."

"You think he knows?" I frowned. "It sure seems like he sees everything."

"No, he doesn't know." Sirius frowned. "He can't know. He'd be obligated by law to turn us in."

"Fair enough." I sighed. "Do you think we'll need another session?"

"Well, I don't know anything for sure." Sirius groaned. "The books say to meditate until you can reach out and feel the animal inside you. The problem is, can I actually feel Padfoot or is the Hazia making me think I can? Is it me or the drugs?"

"I think it's me." I said, reaching inside myself to stroke the tiger's mind. It wanted to be free. It wanted to run and hunt. It wanted to climb and play. "When I touch Ghost, it's not cloudy like the visions. It's not fleeting like the dreams."

"I know. I feel that way too, but what if it's not?" Sirius sighed. "If we rush things, we could fail, or die, or get stuck with a human body and a beast mind. We don't want to take any chances!"

"Yeah, I know, Padfoot." I said, staring out the window. "But if we take things too slow we'll get addicted and also die. Or turn into a mindless husk walking around. The symptoms are worse, despite the time in between highs. Last time it was just a fever that went away in a few hours. Now there's so much more. Fever, confusion, feeling things that aren't there. You're sweating like a pig, Pads, and I'm shaking like a leaf. Suppose it continues to get worse. How many times can we get lucky before the vomiting, seizures and death? Two more? Three? If we're lucky. It could be next time. It could be now."

"You knew the risks, Dez." Sirius snapped. "You knew the fucking risks. We all knew the risks."

"Add paranoia and irritability to the lists guys." James sighed. "I know it feels bad right now, but you both just need baths and some rest. Come on Dez."

James helped me to my feet and took me into a bathroom that appeared just as he reached for the door. James gently pushed me into the tub, clothes and all and started the water. He made sure the water was vaguely cool, but far from cold. As the tub filled up James gently took a sponge to my face to help me cool down.

"You should have mentioned earlier that the symptoms were worse." James scolded. He brushed the hair from my face and turned my face side to side as if inspecting me. "I think you'll be okay."

"I don't know if I can do this again..." I whispered. "I want to be there for Remus... I really do, but I can't do this forever."

"I know honey. I know." James sighed, thinking. "I don't think Pete and I will meditate tonight. We'll wait until we're home so we don't freak out on the train."

"And we don't want Remus to know." I groaned. "Remus would freak. He would definitely freak."

"He would freak if he saw you now, yes, but he'll freak out in a happy way when he finds out he doesn't have to be alone anymore. He doesn't have to worry about hurting us." James assured me. "This opens up a whole new future for him, and all of us."

"I want to show you something." I said, trying to crawl from the tub and splashing water all over James and the floor.

James groaned and pushed me back into the tub. "It can wait Dez. We have all night."

"No. I need to show you now. I'll forget if I don't show you now." I frowned.

"Okay. Just let me call Jenna to help you dry up and get dressed, okay?" James said, setting a hand on my shoulder. "Jenna, can you come here?"

There was a soft popping noise at the far end of the room that seemed to echo forever in my head. Jenna stepped into view just as the echo was fading. "Master Potter, what can Jenna do for you?":

Jenna's eyes landed on me and she gasped lightly before looking back at James with eyes that seemed to consume her rather large head. James brushed a few wet hairs from my face. "Jenna, can you help Dez get dry and dressed? She's feeling a bit faint." He explained softly.

"Yes, Master Potter. Anything for Miss Desari." Jenna nodded, her ears flapping around her head as if they had a mind of their own.

James nodded and left the room. Jenna helped me out of the tub and held me steady as I slipped out my soaking wet clothes. She stayed silent until I was completely dry and dressed. Then she whispered, as if speaking out loud was a sin. "Is Miss Desari really okay?"

I stared at the small elf for a few minutes before nodding. "Yeah, I'm fine. Low blood sugar I think. James is going to walk me down to my room for some candies."

"Jenna could fetch the candies, if you like." The elf offered softly.

"Thank you, Jenna." I whispered, patting the elf's head. "But I think I'd like to walk a bit. I've been asleep since breakfast. Don't worry, James will be right there the whole time."

Jenna nodded softly and hugged my leg before apparating back to the kitchens.


	33. Future Plans

AN: Thank you for the review Aciolympus. I never thought of that. *Cookies for being my only reviewer for that chapter*

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When I stepped from the room, James was standing at the door. He held his arm out and the two of us walked silently from the room, ignoring the questioning stares of our friends. James took my lead and remained silent the whole walk back to my dorm. He probably thought it was because I was delirious or tired, but honestly, I just couldn't talk or I would lose my nerve.

"James. I need your help with a project of my own. it's a delicate project... one that may or may not get me killed when the war starts in earnest." I sighed as I led him into my room. "I think that's really the paranoia talking... or maybe it's true, but if something DOES happen to me in the war, this is something that needs to live on."

"Okay, Dez. I understand." James cooed as if speaking to a deranged lunatic... or perhaps a wounded animal. I felt a bit like a wounded animal... primal and powerful, relying on only my instincts to guide me.

"I'm going to leave my share of the Malfoy gold to you if I die." I muttered, tearing apart my room as I searched for my notes. I found them in a plain, unassuming yellow folder in my desk, just where I'd left them. "You need to take that gold and these notes, I'll make sure you always know where they are, and I want you to donate all of it, notes, gold, whatever else I accumulate to anyone, and I really do mean anyone, willing to risk their lives and careers to continue my work. I'm going to cure lycanthropy.. or at least make it better for Remus."

"Dez, slow down." James said gently. "You aren't dying and we won't let you die."

"James, don't push me right now. This could get me killed, even if there wasn't a war. A lot of werewolf haters would be really angry... some werewolves themselves too." I insisted. "Just promise me, humor me, whatever you need to do to sleep through the night. There's this guy, a brilliant man called Damocles Belby. Give him everything I own if things go south."

"Okay, I promise, but I won't need to worry about it. You aren't going to die." James said putting an arm around me.

"It doesn't matter." I frowned. "There are a million ways things could go south when the war starts. You won't be the only one I ask this of. You can't tell Remus though. I'm not ready for that argument yet."

"You got it, Dez. Let's just get you into bed. We can talk about it more later." James whispered, leading me to my soft, warm bed.

James tucked me in and checked my temperature again. Just as he was getting ready to leave, a terrible sound echoed through my open window. It was a strange cry, starting with a scream and ending on a howl. James paled and my blood ran cold. I let James move over to close my window and pretended to sleep as he checked on me again and left the room.

The moment James's footsteps faded down the hallway I launched from my bed and tore the window open again. The sound had faded, but I left my window open as I slid into the chair at my desk. I opened a dusty old book that I'd found in the library and laid it on my desk.

I didn't sleep all night. I stayed awake reading and writing notes. Checking my facts in at least three of the dozen or so books Mrs. Prince had let me borrow for the summer. Several times in the night I heard the howls of a wolf, growing more and more desperate as the hours ticked by. Somewhere deep inside, my heart ached, because my Moony was calling for me and I couldn't answer.

As the dawn began to peek into my windows, I packed my trunk, making sure to put all the werewolf stuff at the bottom and locked it with every single spell I knew. Father could still get in if he tried, but I knew I wasn't worth that much of his time.

When the first of the students began trudging towards the train, I was right behind them. Remus would be with Madame Pomfrey likely until the very last moment she could keep him, if he showed up on the train at all.

I settled into an empty compartment, the same one Remus and I had shared that first time on the train more than five years ago. I pulled out an ancient, higher level potions book, one that was on the curriculum at the Atlantis Academy of Higher Education. By the time the boys came to find me, I must have been in a deep sleep, because I never heard them enter.

I didn't wake up until some hours later, when Sirius waved a Pumpkin Pastry under my nose. My stomach growled and I blearily opened my eyes. "Mmm, I'm so hungry... Can I have that?"

"Bought it for you anyway." Sirius laughed. "You haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday, far as I can tell."

"Yeah... So much to do and so little time," I grinned, sleepily shoving the pastry into my mouth. "I guess I must have subconsciously decided that eating was on the bottom of my to do list."

"Dez, we literally didn't have anything to do for the last 24 hours. What could have possibly been more important that food?" Sirius chuckled, passing me some cold bacon and dry toast that he must have snatched for me earlier.

"Sleep." I smirked, my eyes meeting James's across the car. He rolled his eyes back at me, but didn't say a word. "And packing my trunk, I suppose. I put it off until this morning, so I didn't make it to breakfast."

"Don't forget this giant book that's so advanced Remus fell asleep just trying to take it from you." Peter grinned, passing my book to me.

I laughed and noticed for the first time that Remus was, in fact, asleep in my lap where I last remembered my potions book being. "Okay, drama queens, my book is not boring, nor is it all that advanced. It's in a first year course for Atlantis students. That's only like, three years away."

"Who actually plans on taking more school when they finally graduate from their current school?" Sirius rolled his eyes. "You are such a nerd, Dez."

"I am not!" I blushed. "Have ANY of you actually thought about what you're going to do in three years from today?"

"I, my dear kitten, am rich. I don't need to think ahead." Sirius joked. "And if I did think ahead, it would be to marry some rich, old cougar and inherit millions by just being a piece of arm candy."

"I'm going to be an auror, I think." James shrugged. "Haven't thought too much about it though."

"Aurors have their very own, ministry run school, so you will also be attending more classes when you graduate." I shrugged. "Pete? WHat do you want to do?"

"I was thinking the ministry. You know, go into sports or transportation, maybe." Peter shrugged. "I don't want anything fancy, just enough to help Mum keep her flower shop afloat."

"That'd be a total waste of your herbology talent." I frowned. "You should look into opening a greenhouse to supply apothecaries and potion masters. A lot of us are rubbish with plants, but we tend to use up a ton of them."

"That's a good idea." Peter shrugged, glancing out the window.

"I'd definitely trust you with plants far before I'd trust any of the greenhouses I've heard of." I shrugged. "Most people see a green house as a quick, easy buck. You'd treat your plants well, and that really makes a difference when you're brewing some of the more delicate potions."

"Thank you." I heard him whisper, but Sirius had already steered the conversation away from him.

"I think I'll be like the world's first freelance auror." He announced proudly, drowning out Peter's whisper. "It'll be fun. I get to fight the baddies, but I won't have to deal with the ministry breathing down my neck. I bet there would be a demand for that type of thing in the pureblood circles. They want things taken care of quietly, so no one has to know the weird things their into."

"The pureblood elite do like to keep things under wraps, I suppose." I smiled. "Father would definately hire you to figure out who's skimming his firewhiskey. I'll even give you a hint! It's me."

James and Sirius both laughed at that. Their laughter woke Remus who sniffed lightly before sitting up. "How lung 'ave I been oot?" He mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"All afternoon. We've only got like an hour left before we get to the station." Peter said, without looking away from the window. "You and Dez should go change. You'll look mighty weird when you step into the muggle station like that."

I shook my head. "No need for me. My dad hates the muggle station. He apparates me out and leaves my trunk with Ella."

"Really?" Peter grinned. "My mum says aparating's too rough on kids."

"It hurts." I frowned. "It's this horrible jerking sensation where your arm connects to your shoulder, like if you tried to grab the door of the train while it was already moving. And you get dizzy when you get there, like if you stood up too fast."

"Sound's wretched." Peter frowned rubbing his shoulder as if he felt sympathy pain.

"Yeah, most wizards don't like subjecting their kids to it if they can help it. But that's all dad has time for." I shrugged. "When it was both Lucius and I, he would send Ella with a portkey, but now it's just me."


	34. It Was You

AN: Really short chapter, I know, but it had a nice solid end right there, and honestly, I like it. This is the end of the Marauder's fifth year. It has a solid finality that leaves you completely shocked and even more hooked than most chapters... Have fun!

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The five of us chatted quietly until we reached the train station. We grabbed our trunks, but all decided it was best to wait for the train to clear out some before we tried to get off. I glanced through the window and watched my schoolmates reunite with their families. Most would run up to their parents and drag them into hugs. Some would carry younger siblings on their shoulders as they said good bye to their friends.

I searched with a hope-filled heart for any sign of Lucius, but he was nowhere to be seen. My father wasn't around either, though, so that was a plus. When we finally exited the train together, my father was still no where to be seen. It was the only reason I allowed Remus to drag me off to where an elderly couple and two younger women stood chatting together.

Introductions were passed around quickly. The elderly couple was James's parents, though they looked easily old enough to be his grandparents. A young, copper-haired woman with tired eyes and a big smile was Miss Hope Lupin, she hadn't been Mrs. Hope Lupin for some years now, and wasn't shy to tell me so. A slightly shorter, pudgier woman with dark, greying hair introduced herself to me as Mrs. Pettigrew. Mr. Pettigrew had died some years back, and now it was just her and her precious boy.

I looked at all of them and felt a stab of pain in my heart. There were so many smiles being thrown my way, and I'd never seen such expressions of unconditional love as I did when these parents gazed on their children.

"This is Desari Malfoy, Mum." Remus said when it became apparent that I wasn't going to introduce myself. "She's my g-girlfriend."

I fell into shock at the word. It had never occurred to me that Remus would introduce me as his girlfriend so soon. I hadn't been prepared. The copper haired woman's smile slashed further across her face as she swooped down and pulled me into the tightest hug of my life.

The three mothers busied themselves with asking me thousands of questions and giving me no time to answer. Then they each invited me over for tea whenever I might want and simply doted on me for what felt like hours. I think I was the only one to notice Sirius's look of despair when he silently slipped away from the flock of loving parents and close friends to join his mother and brother who were standing impatiently several paces away.

It took an hour and several well crafted lies from all three of my remaining friends to convince the loving parents that I could wait for my father on my own. After their eventual departure I was left alone on the platform to patiently await my father. Several times over the next hour I thought of calling the night bus to take me home, but I knew that such an act would anger father rather than relieve him of the burden of fetching me. By the time he finally arrived, I was halfway through a book on the proper testing methods of new potions.

"Father." I said standing and looking at my father's feet. I was ready to go as soon as I saw him, such was expected of a Malfoy.

"Well, get on with it, you useless girl." He commanded, holding out his arm. I took his arm, book held tightly in my hand and the handle of my trunk clutched in my other hand to hand to the house elf he always brought. "Hang tight to that trunk, girl. The elf was busy preparing your dinner."

Abraxas didn't even give me time to obey his command before there was a jarring sensation in not one, but both my arms this time. I leaned heavily on my trunk as he pulled away like I might infect him in the entry hall of the Malfoy Manor.

"You never cease to amaze me, you filthy squib." Abraxas snarled, now that we were in the privacy of our own home. "First you befriend a bunch of muggle loving scum, and now you want to leave the house our family has been sorted into for generations?"

I frowned. The thought hadn't occurred to me that the professors would have written home about my resorting. I'd never stopped to think what Abraxas would say about my hatred for my Slytherin comrades.

"Not even going to offer your usual excuses?" He growled, pointing his wand at me.

"I'm sorry, Father." I whispered. "I was in danger in Slytherin. I thought only of my own safety."

"Your safety?" Abraxas bellowed. "What about the safety of MY namesake?! What of the disgrace you've brought to this family yet again? Every time I turn my back on you for a single moment you run off dragging the name I gave you through the mud! Crucio!"

The pain hit me unexpectedly hard, tearing a scream from my throat. Abraxas continued yelling, but I could no longer hear him over my own screams. After what felt like hours, Abraxas's wand lowered and the pain subsided. My whole body felt as if it'd been put through a literal meat grinder.

"I knew from the day you were born that you were no good, girl." Abraxas panted as if he was as out of breath as I was myself. "You would have been drowned that very day if your mother hadn't stopped me herself. I wonder if she regrets stopping me now that you've killed her? Think she'd let me kill you if she could do it over?"

"No." I said bravely. I was delirious and in pain, and my new found bravery made me stupid. I knew it was a mistake the moment the word left my lips, but I couldn't take it back, so instead I stood by it. "Everyone tells me my mother was a bright and kind woman. Everyone tells me she was beautiful and that I'm just like her. No one says that about you. No one speaks of your wisdom or your greatness. They speak of you like a stain. They speak of you like you speak of me!"

"Why, you little bitch!" Abraxas screamed, his face flushing in his anger. "You're an ungrateful parasite! You are nothing like your mother! You're nothing but a little squib who murdered her own Mum for her magic."

I stood tall and proud, the way my years of training in Slytherin had taught me. "No. I'm none of those things. You only say that because you need to blame someone. You need to blame me, or you'll realize that Mum's death had nothing to do with me. You'll realize that years of your abuse caused her to be weak enough to succumb to the illness that really killed her. Yeah, my magic hurt her, but if she'd been healthy, she would have lived. The doctors told me that. The doctors told me that it wasn't my fault, but I didn't believe them until now. I just needed to look at the big picture. If anyone killed Mum, it was YOU!"

My last rant was too much for the old man to withstand. His wand whipped across his chest in a silent curse and I felt pain unlike I'd ever felt before. My hand came up to clutch at my chest and was met with warm, wet blood. The last thing I saw before the darkness claimed me was my father's nose starting to bleed from the exertion of power.

Darkness claimed my mind. I didn't wake when my body crumpled to the floor. I didn't wake when Ella, the poor old house elf screamed at the sight of the two of us laying in a pool of our mixed blood. I didn't wake hours later when Lucius arrived to visit and shook me as hard as he could. I didn't even wake when I arrived at the ice cold hospital and was swarmed my strangers. I didn't wake.


	35. Lying to Doctors

AN: I actually haven't even started Chapter 37 yet, so I can't promise regular updates anymore, especially with Halloween coming up, but I figures seven days was long enough to make you guys wait since I did have this chapter ready. (I've lost my work three times now... and finally decided that I was going to start using Google Docs instead of wordpad...) Anyways, big thanks to Aciolympus for the great review and the biggest thanks in the world to Foreveradreamerinlife for not only her wonderful words, but also her help in getting me back on my feet and writing again! Thank you so much guys.

AN2: Also, would you guys like this fic to stay nice and T rated with only a mild curse here and there, or would you prefer if I upped the fic to an M rating and added some "Steamy smut" As Foreveradreamerinlife called it in her review? Let me know. Love you guys!

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When I finally came to, I had been in a coma for the remainder of June and nearly all of July, according to the nurses. They bustled in and out of my room every five minutes for no less than two hours, ignoring my requests to leave or see the doctor in poked and prodded at my tender body. They forced large amounts of water down my throat. When one of the more timid ones came in with a tray of food, I sat up.

"I want to speak with the doctor in the next five minutes or I'm going to get up and go looking for him." I demanded, glaring the poor girl down. I felt bad taking advantage of her nervousness, but the last thing I remembered was a terrible pain and what felt like an unending darkness.

"Yes, Miss Malfoy. I'll let him know right away." She squeaked. I wondered idly if she was related to Peter in any way. "Just please don't get up. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

I nodded my reluctant consent and took the tray of food from her. I set it on the side table the moment she left the room and leaned back against the headboard. All that sitting and staring had been harder on me that I had expected. I studied the room silently while I waited. It was a large room with a second bed, though the other bed was empty. It was probably empty because my father demanded it to be. The room was pristine, white, and nearly empty. It was unusually cold and smelled of disinfectant. A room at St. Mungo's, I assumed. I'd never been inside the hospital myself, but only because Father had never allowed it before. It felt like nearly an hour before there was another knock on the door. I had just been steeling myself to follow through with my earlier threat.

I sighed in relief that I wouldn't have to try and stand and nodded to the man standing at the door. He must be the doctor. "Hello, sir. You must be the big guy in charge?"

"I'm your doctor, yes." The man nodded and came to sit in the rolling chair by my bed. "I hear that you were demanding my presence?"

"Yeah," I groaned tiredly. "Can you tell me why I'm here? Father always calls doctors to the house..."

"You and your father, Abraxas Malfoy, were admitted the same day." The man nodded. "Do you know what day that was?"

"It was June... The sixth, maybe?" I frowned. "It was the day the train came back from Hogwarts."

"Yes. It was actually very early in the morning of June Seventh, But that's an understandable time lapse. You were unresponsive on arrival." The doctor nodded. "Do you remember what happened?"

I thought back to the fight Father and I had that day. I closed my eyes and chose the simplest lie. The lie my father most likely used. "Yes. Father and I... were attacked... in the entrance hall of our manor."

"It's alright to tell me the truth, Miss Malfoy." The doctor assured me. "The Ministry already conducted an investigation and your father's wand was seized."

"Okay." I frowned, wondering how badly father was going to punish me this time. It hadn't been my fault, but he'd find a way to spin it anyways. I decided to do some quick damage control. "My father and I argued. I provoked him, and he was understandably angry. When he brought up a rather tender subject, my mother's death which I've always felt guilty about, I raised my wand to attack him. He was faster than I."

"You don't have to lie." The doctor insisted. "It only hurts you to lie to doctors. You teacher stepped forward in the investigation, as well as several unnamed students, and told the aurors that you were scared of you father and he'd done this before. The ministry then pulled the memory of the event, and you were removed from his custody. In fact, you were emancipated completely."

"I was?" I frowned. I didn't have anywhere to go if I couldn't go home. Besides, father would know which students had come forward, even without their names. "That was a horrible decision."

"Your brother instructed me to give you a letter when you woke up." The doctor said, patting my head. "I'll give it to you as soon as I finish my examination."

"Okay." I whispered, still in a bit of shock.

"Okay, Miss Malfoy." He chuckled. "Do you know what day it is now?"

"No. The nurses wouldn't tell me anything more specific than 'late July'." I mumbled.

""That's alright." He smiled. "It's the 21st, Miss Malfoy. Now, I'm going to touch a few places and you tell me if you can feel it. Also tell me if it hurts more than to be expected."

The doctor touched each of my toes, waiting for a nod between each one. Then he touched each of my finger tips. He touched my face, my legs, my arms, my collar bone. Each time he moved his fingers, I forced myself to nod.

"Very good, Miss Malfoy." The doctor smiled. "On a scale of one to ten, with one being a mild discomfort and ten being the worst pain of your life, did any of those feel like more than a three?"

I shook my head silently. Nothing would ever feel like a three again with the memory of the curse Abraxas threw at me in my mind. "No, but my collar bone was slightly more sore than anywhere else."

"That's to be expected, Miss Malfoy." The doctor frowned. "The curse your father hit you with cut through much of the flesh and even dug into your ribcage."

"Can you help me stand so I can look at it?" I asked, feeling exhausted and terrified at the same time.

"I can," He said, but didn't move. "Or I can have one of the nice, female nurses come help you. Surely that would feel more comfortable?"

I blushed and nodded. I hadn't even thought of him being a male when I had asked. I hadn't really realized anyone's gender since I woke up.

"Okay, I'll send one of the nurses right in." He said, standing. "I have to go check on another patient now, but I'll be back later tonight. I want you to get some rest and maybe eat a little before I check on you again, okay?"

I nodded and grinned. "Okay, but if you don't wake me up when you come by, I'll come hunt you down to talk." I said teasingly, but there was a hint of seriousness under it.

"Of course, Miss Malfoy." He smiled, setting a thick, yellow envelope on the table and picking up the tray of cold food to take with him.

"I want to discuss when I can go home when you return." I warned. He just nodded and slipped out of the door.

A tall, beauty of a woman in white medi-robes entered just a moment later. She came over to the bed in two long strides. "The doctor says you wish to see the scar?" Her voice a thick, russian accent.

"Yes." I said, sitting up a bit so she could help me stand. "Thank you."

"Do not thank me yet." She frowned. "You have not yet seen the mark."

The tall beauty helped me to my feet and supported almost all of my weight as she shifted me into a wheelchair and pushed me into the in suite restroom. The bathroom was also pure white and adorned with a sink, a bathtub that had a chair for sponge baths, and a mirror that covered a whole wall.

My body was skinny and frail-looking, even under the baggy paper gown they had me in. The nurse helped me remove the top half of the gown, revealing baggy yellowed skin covered in scars as she went. Most of the scars had healed well, becoming pretty silver stains on already pale skin. The scar in question, though was a nasty red scar that wrinkled the skin around it and left a disfigured line across my chest.

"Will I ever be pretty again?" I asked, as I stared in horror at the terrible reflection staring back at me in the mirror. My hair was matted and greasy. My cheeks had sunken in. Even the usually glowing blue eyes stared back at me with a dull, greyish tone that reminded me far too much of my father's.

"You might." The nurse shrugged noncommittally. "You will regain much of the weight when you begin eating again. Your body rejected the nutrients we tried to give it for several days after your arrival. Much like drug patients." Her eyes met mine with a knowing stare.

"Yes, I suppose it would appear that way. I had been sick for a few days before the fight." I muttered dismissively.

The nurse remained silent as she fixed the gown back onto my boney body. She wheeled me back to my bed and helped me get comfortable without saying a single word.

I sighed and pulled the yellow envelope into my lap. Inside, I found a heap of legal papers, a short letter in Lucius's hand writing and two keys. One silver and one gold. The keys and legal pages were shoved haphazardly back into the envelope and I read the short letter.

Desari,

Arrangements have all been made. Don't worry yourself about Father. He is very ill and without a wand. I am taking care of him now, so I won't have time to visit. I hope you are well.

Gringotts: 273 (Gold Key)

Apartment: SW16 Buckleigh Road (Silver Key)

My appologies,

Lucius.

I frowned at my brother's obvious, half-hearted attitude. Sure, he had made the proper arrangements for my care, but I had expected more than 37 words from the man who was once the most important person in my life. I supposed he could rot in hell right next to father.

I went to sleep slightly after that, leaving the legal pages for later. An elderly nurse woke me up a few hours later for dinner, which I forced myself to eat a bit of. Then I waited... and waited... and waited. It was gettine dark by the time the doctor returned to my room.

"Will the scar ever fade?" I asked, before he'd even managed to sit down.

"I'm afriad it probably won't." He sighed. "I called in several different collegues to try and help, but it seems that the curse that was used was meant to disfigure, so there wasn't much we could do. It may fade some in time, but you'll likely live with it the rest of your life."

"Okay." I nodded. I didn't have the energy to be mad, and it wasn't his fault anyways, I supposed. "Do you know why I was in a coma for two months? It seems you've repaired almost all of the damage."

"No, I don't." He sighed. "You should have woken up weeks ago, if not immediatly following the surgery. There's nothing wrong with you that we could find, excluding a bit of curious problems with your body rejecting nutrients. We found no cause for that either."

"Probably just a bug of some kind." I shrugged. "Last question, when can I go home?"

"Well, as I said, there's nothing wrong with you physically," The doctor chewed his lip. "But, we would like to do a few more tests, including a recomended trauma consultation. Basically, that means we bring in a muggle psychiatrist, which is like a brain doctor, to come in and talk with you about what happened. We find it usually helps patients who have expirienced something like what you did."

"And if I don't want to see this psycho-dude?" I asked, clutching Lucius's letter in a fist.

"We can't force you." The doctor concded. "It's all up to you."

"Can I go home tonight?" I asked, softly.

"I'm afraid not." The doctor frowned. "The earliest I can get you home is tomorrow morning, if you have someone who you can stay with."

"I have my own place." I frowned. "Why would I need to go anywhere?"

"Well, you don't technically, but you'll need someone close by to help you move around. You're going to be weak and sore for a few days."

"Can you get me a floo fire so I could ask a few people?" I sighed, admitting defeat.

"Unfortunately, that's not allowed." He laughed. "I can get some messages out or you, though."

"Yeah, that'll work." I sighed. "If you get me a quill I'll write a couple names."

"Sure thing, Miss Malfoy." He smiled, pulling out a muggle pen and a scrap of parchment. "This is a muggle instument... It's called a pen, but it's basically-"

"I have several in my trunk." I interupted. "My brother and uncle buy me muggle things all the time."

"That's great. Most witches have no clue what it is." He grinned, handing me the items.

I write out a short list.

Miss Hope Lupin

Mr. and Mrs. Fleamont Potter

Mrs. Enid Pettigrew

I left Sirius's house off the list because I didn't want to deal with Walburga or Orion. I'd just gotten away from racist purebloods, and I never wanted to look back. Besides, he was probably with one of the others by now anyways.

"Just start at the top and work your way down, yeah? One of them is sure to let me stay for a few..." I frowned, hoping that one of them would. I wanted to get as far from St. Mungo's and it's strange smells as possible.

"Of course, Miss Malfoy." He smiled, standing up.

"Desari." I said with a yawn.

"Excuse me?"

"My name's Desari. I hate hearing the name Malfoy." I frowned. "It makes me from like he's standing over me... all the time, hovering just behind me, where I can't quite see him..." I closed my eyes agaist the unwanted fear welling in my heart.

"Of course, Desari." He nodded. "It was thoughtless of me not to realize."

"Don't worry yourself over it. No one knew until now." I shrugged, flinching as the movement irritated the new scar.

"Please, get some rest, Desari." The doctor smiled as he left the room. "Tomorrow's going to be a big day."

I smiled softly and fell asleep moments after the good doctor left the room, Lucius's letter still clutched in my hand.


	36. A Slow Recovery

The sun glared at me through the transparent curtains the next morning. The tall Russian nurse was back, glaring at me from the hall as I nibbled at the breakfast I'd been given. Everyone seemed to be glaring at me today.

Shortly after breakfast, Mrs. Potter came in alone, surprisingly. The elderly woman gave me a big grin. "Hello, Miss Malfoy. I hope you remember me? I'm James's mother."

"Of course, Mrs. Potter." I smiled. "I'm a little weak, but my memory's just fine. Thank you for coming to get me."

"Oh, it's no trouble, dear. You're welcome in my home any time, especially now that I know your story." The old woman smiled, reaching a hand out as I struggled to stand up.

"Please, Ma'am, I'd rather not talk about it just yet..." I frowned, limping forward.

"Of course, dear." She nodded. "Please, don't strain yourself. I can get one of the boys up here to help you."

"Uh, just let me get dressed, Mrs. Potter." I blushed. "I can walk on my own."

"Okay, dear. If you say so." She said, taking the seat by my bed.

She let me get dressed in the clothes that the hospital had given me. I collected my things, including the ruined set of school robes and she stood to walk me out.

"Do I need to check out or anything?" I frowned.

"No, they let me clear it all up for you." She said, setting a supportive hand on my arm.

"Thank you." I whispered. The two of us made a slow, but steady way down from my room to the lobby where four worried teenage boys and three more worried adults stood.

"Dez!" Sirius cried as I nearly tripped. He wrapped an arm around my waist and held me up. "We were so freaking worried."

"They wouldn't let anyone visit until you woke up." Peter said with a distinct pout on his face.

"And they wouldn't let us all go upstairs to fetch you." Remus added, moving to the opposite side of Sirius to help carry me.

"And they took all the nice things to say." James smiled softly. "You okay?"

"Not really." I frowned. "But I will be."

"I'd kill that horrible man myself if they didn't have half a dozen aurors stationed at his house." Miss Lupin muttered, kissing my forehead.

"Thank you, Miss Lupin, but that's really not necessary." I shrugged. "I'm perfectly fine. I've always been fine."

Mrs. Pettigrew brushed a strand of hair from my face. "You poor thing."

I closed my eyes against a sudden wave of pain. Was this what it was like to have a mother? I barely remembered my own...

"I didn't expect all of you to come." I whispered, leaning on Remus. "Thank you. Really, it means the world to me right now."

"You're family now, Dez. We'll always be here when you need us." James grinned, gently taking my clothes, leaving me with only my wand to carry.

"Thank you." I said again, smiling tiredly. "But can we get out of here now? I never want to see the inside of this place again..."

"Thought you'd just woken up?" Remus frowned, helping me walk out the door and into the bright, summer morning.

"I did." I laughed. "But hospital food sucks that much."

Sirius grinned at me. "Doesn't it? I had to stay once when I was little. Got some kind of muggle virus they couldn't figure out."

The nine of us all piled into a red, metal deathtrap that seemed at least twice as big on the inside than it was outside. All five of us teeneagers fit comfortably on the long back seat and the four adults settled into the bucket seats in front of us.

"They call this thing a van." James explained as the contraption roared to life. "Muggles drive around in them all the time. This one's been enlarged a bit, and had a few other upgrades, of course. Try not to mention it though, it's minorly illegal."

I rolled my eyes. "Everything fun is minorly illegal."

The great red machine took off out of the parking lot and zig zagged through a sea of even more metal deathtraps. By the time we arrived at a nice sized house in the suburbs of London, I was completely convinced that the muggles were trying to kill themselves off with their vehicles.

"Home sweet home." James smiled, holding open the door for me and my two human crutches. "Welcome one and all."

The inside of the house was beautiful in a warm kind of way that the Malfoy Manor could never be. Nothing was a cold color, like silver or white. It was all cream colored or bare wood. I was lead into a large sitting room where the boys softly deposited me on a plush red couch by the fireplace. Remus settled at my feet, and the others plopped onto a couch across from us. The adults seated themselves in recliners around the room and Mrs. Potter muttered something about lunch and scampered off.

Everyone started talking about common things like the weather and the score of the latest quidditch game. I quickly lost interest in the conversations going on around me and fell asleep on the couch in the nice warm, friendly home of my best friend.

When I woke again it was dark outside the bay window behind me. The fire was still going, but it was the only light I could see. Next to me, on a side table, was a single silver servant bell, like what really lazy rich people use to call their house elves. I sat up silently and looked around. It must be rather late, as everyone seemed to be in bed. I tried to stand, but fell back in shock when the bell rang itself.

Four tall shadows practically ran into the room, each bearing gifts.

"Here, drink this. You'll feel better." Remus said, holding out a glass of water.

"I had Mum make your favorite." James said, offering me a plate of steak, potatoes, and veggies.

"Here, I have some tea with a little something to help you sleep. It was two sugars right?" Sirius said, setting a steaming cup on the side table next to the bell.

"It made me think of you." Peter said, holding out a thick book on experimental potions that I admittedly didn't have. "It was at the second hand shop when I went to buy some of my school stuff a bit early. There's some writing in the margins, but Remus said that sometimes reading some of the previous owner's side notes could help, and I thought you might get bored."

I smiled. "Guys, relax. I'm not broken. I'm a little battered, but I don't break easily. I just need to stretch my legs a bit. Unused muscles and all."

"Of course." Remus nodded, setting down the glass in his hand to help me up.

I rolled my eyes and let him help me to my feet before stepping away. "I'm fine, guys." I whispered as I took a small step forward.

It took awhile, but eventually I came to stand on the patio of the Potter's house with the boys hovering over me like mother hens. I stared up at the sky silently. After awhile I frowned. "When's the next moon?"

"August Third." Remus answered softly. "The one after that is September first, of all days."

"That really sucks." I sighed, setting my hands on the banister on the porch. "How are you working around that?"

"I'll be going to school via floo the day before." Remus shrugged, wrapping an arm around me. "And I'll miss your resorting. I'm sorry in advance about that. I'm sure you'll get put wherever your heart desires."

"My heart says I'm a Slytherin, through and through. My head says that Slytherin isn't safe anymore and that I'll get moved to Hufflepuff, where misfits belong." I sighed softly.

"Hufflepuff's not so bad." Sirius shrugged, coming to stand at my other side. "They're good finders and kind people. It'd probably be for the best. Less likely to be a complete outcast there, no offense."

"You'll get Gryffindor, just like us." James grinned, sitting on the rail next to Sirius. "You're brave, one of the bravest people I know, and you'll never be alone with us around."

"I think you'll get Ravenclaw." Peter said, laying down on the wood floor of the patio. "You're wicked smart, even at herbology, once you got shown the ropes. Besides, you look good in blue."

"Watch it, Wormtail." Remus teased. "That's my girlfriend you're talking about."

I laughed softly as Peter sputtered out several half formed sentences, each worse than the last. Eventually Remus laughed loudly. "Shut up, Pete. I was just joking with you."

"Oh..." Peter sighed in relief, his head banging softly on the wood as he laid down again.

I spent the next week at the Potters, with the boys hovering over me a every turn. Some days Mrs. Pettigrew or Miss Lupin would come for a few hours to check on their sons and I. When the first day of the full moon came, Remus went back to his mother's house and I finally convinced the Potters to let me go to my apartment in London. Sirius came with to help me settle in.

"We all wanted to come, but Mrs. Potter and Mrs. Pettigrew were opposed to their sons staying alone with a girl." Sirius grinned as he plopped down on my couch. "It was a stroke of pure luck that I convinced Mrs. Potter to let me stay here. You're still too weak to be alone and whatnot."

"That's exactly why I decided I needed to be here, Padfoot." I smirked. "You four were hovering like mother hens. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go take a nice warm bath, by myself, in the comfort of my own home. There's some muggle money in the pocket of my jacket. Can you like, order something to eat or something?"

"Yeah. Moony's mum taught me to use a phone when I was staying with her. Do you have one of those um... books with all the numbers and things?" Sirius asked as I walked away.

"Don't all muggle houses have those? I think most people keep them near the phone." I shrugged. "If not, go on a walk until you find someplace. I'm still too weak to do it myself."

He chuckled. "Sure. Play the weak card when it suits YOUR interests."

I grinned. "Definitely. Just have something for me to eat when I get back." I waved at him and went to explore the house. There was a kitchen right off the living room, and I discovered one bedroom downstairs and a basic white bathroom with a single white towel in the cupboard. I decided the upstairs could wait and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

I stared at myself in the mirror above the sink. My hair was a little longer than I remembered, my face a little thinner, and my eyes a little duller, but really, not much had changed since I last really looked in a mirror. Last time I'd been too focused on the scar to notice. I looked just as I always had, like a beautiful Malfoy heiress. Maybe even more so, now. When was the last time I recognized the face staring back at me? When was the last time I looked in a mirror without seeing my father staring back at me?

I calmly pulled my hair into my fist and used a simple cutting charm to sever it. I wanted to do a lot more. I wanted to claw out my dull, grey eyes. I wanted to claw at myself until every reminder of myself, the scarred Malfoy version of myself was gone. I wanted to make myself unrecognizable from that feeble little heiress I was not a year ago, but I restrained myself and stepped into the small bathtub.

I turned the water on as hot as it could go and stood in the spray, letting the heat distract me from the pain. I let myself cry for the first time, the sobs drowned out by the rushing water and the distant sound of Sirius's music in my living room. I let myself feel the pain I'd denied myself for eight long years since my mother's death. I screamed my pain and anger to the heavens and cried until I had cried myself out.

I stayed in the shower long after the water ran cold and just let myself feel everything I'd been pushing away. When I got out of the shower, I dressed in a blue, satin sundress that had once been my mother's and joined Sirius in the living room for a dinner of pizza and some muggle soda pop. SW16 Buckleigh Road was a new home for me, a new start, and in a way, it was a brand new me.


	37. Muggle Wands

AN: Thank you to Foreveradreamerinlife for helping me out with this one. The lazer tag was her idea. Also thank you to everyone who's reviewed lately.

* * *

The boys said nothing about my new haircut or my new choices in clothing, as I was now wearing much of my mother's clothing rather than what my father had bought for me. They simply took me out exploring muggle London like a tourist. We visited what felt like a hundred places, over the next few days while Remus was away. They all seemed to blur together a bit in my mind after a while. I remembered only a giant clock called Ben, a huge church with stained glass windows, and the zoo, where I'd seen a real, live white tiger.

When Remus returned from his transformation, the five of us spent the day lazing about so that Remus could recover some of his strength. We ordered pizzas on my telly phone and drank a muggle soda that tasted like orange candies and watched movies, which were a lot like plays, except you viewed them from a little box muggles kept in their homes.

At the end of the night, all of the boys headed back to their homes, or in Sirius's case, back to his second home. The boys seemed to believe that I was now capable of caring for myself. I went upstairs and settled into the spare closet that I'd turned into my study for the time being. There was also a second bedroom, which Sirius had been using, and a sizable loft upstairs, and I silently wondered if I shouldn't move my study to the closet just under the stairs, closer to the bedroom I'd made my own. It had simply felt safer in this closet, further from the living room and other more… public areas of the house.

I glanced around the magically enlarged room and gave a soft sigh of wholeness. There were bookcases lining all four walls, including on each side of the door. Only the north wall was full with school books, and other research books I'd borrowed or bought over the last years. The south wall, furthest from my desk, was home to the fiction novels of my childhood. Settled in the southeast corner was the comfiest chair I could buy, with the limited funds I'd had. I wondered silently if I could afford nicer things now, or if Lucius had merely given me enough gold to scrape by until father died.

I settled into the comfortable leather chair behind the desk and pulled down a handful of journals written by werewolves and their mates. I settled down to read them and record my notes in my journal, which had been enchanted with dozens of spells from simply anti-cheating spells to keep people from reading over my shoulder to more complex charms like the Protean charm to create an exact copy of every change in this journal into a similar journal in my vault and a privacy charm so that no one but me could ever read this copy, unless I purposely, of my own free will gave it to them.

It was after many hours of reading and recording that I came to realize that there was a reason that journals were rarely taken into consideration by researchers. The common people rarely said anything of interest, and when they did, they they usually included wildly biased assumptions about their limited experiences.

There were three nights of the full moon, that was a fact I'd come to recognize as true in my research. What those nights meant to the werewolves varied though. Vague patterns began forming through the haze of too much different information.

The first night seemed to centralize arounds the individual's pack. Some wolves felt strong urges to hunt down their pack leaders and gather for the moons. Others felt the urge to search for their mates. Especially those who had begun the mating ceremonies, but refused, for whatever reason to finish them. Still others, who were already surrounded by their packs and their mates, spent this night playing with their cubs or trying to create cubs with their chosen mates. Many wolves who had lost their mates spent this night battling the urge for revenge… or giving into it. There were tales of revenge killing and turnings on this night. Probably the night of the most survived attacks. Many wolves called it the Night of Nesting.

The second night was often written about by loved ones rather than the werewolves themselves, though it did seem many wolves had tried to emulate their private thought processes. The second night was nearly unanimously called the Hunt. There were many tales of unprovoked attacks, most of which had no survivors. It was the only unanimously agreed night where every wolf I read about was forced to change. Wolves that were caged for the night of the Hunt were prone to violent behavior, often hurting themselves rather severely in an attempt to escape and run free, even when provided with live meals. Many had experienced changes on the first or even third night, but all of them, no matter their strength or situations, had recorded a transformation on every second night of every full moon since their change. The Hunt called to every wolf, young and old, weak and strong, good and evil. The Hunt sang without bias.

The third night had the least transformations of all. Very few werewolves felt they had the strength to transform, even if they wanted to. The called it the Night of Rest. Many wolves would spend this night sleeping or relaxing, with their bellies still full and muscles tender from the previous hunt. A few wolves recalled transforming if they had young pups or were expecting pups, but other than the scattered few, none could remember a night of Rest where their wolves had forced themselves to the complete surface. This night had virtually no recorded attacks, despite the wolf's instincts being strong within them.

I scribbled a short note about how young pups and expecting mothers changed all three nights of a full moon, rather than just one, but didn't think to hard on it. It wasn't central to the most important goal: Cure Remus Lupin.

I set the books aside and yawned. The sun was slowly rising in the sky, brightening it from black to purple, to pink and gold. I stood from my desk and left the study, locking the door the muggle way, followed by every spell I knew to keep it locked tight. Then I considered walking down to my room, but it seemed so far away, so I simply collapsed onto the couch in the loft and fell asleep before I could even cast a single darkening charm.

Sirius and James woke me far too soon, all but shoving me onto the floor in their haste. For a brief moment I thought something had gone terribly wrong, but then I realized that the boys were always like this. I glanced at the still rising sun and estimated that it had been roughly four hours since I'd emerged from my study.

"Go away." I grumbled, even knowing that it would do no good.

"We have reservations in an hour!" Sirius said, dumping a pile of clothes onto my lap. James scuttled around in the background of my vision, pulling back the thin curtains as if it really made a difference.

"I don't want reservations. I want sleep." I frowned, pushing the clothes to the floor.

"Too bad, Dez. Now get your ass out of bed." Sirius grinned, setting the clothes on the end of the couch and plopping down near my feet.

Roughly an hour later, the five of us and Marlene McKinnon were in a muggle building on the far side of town, strapping on vests just outside a dim lit room of obstacles.

"You want me to what exactly?" I asked, standing next to Marlene, a Gryffindor girl who I'd never bothered speaking to before. In fact, I hadn't even known her name before Sirius introduced her as his "girlfriend" with a wink that she hadn't seen.

"It's kind of like a duel, except instead of blocking spells, you just hide behind things." Sirius explained for the third time.

I turned the laser gun in my hand, testing its weight before pointing it at Sirius and pulling the little lever with my finger. A jet of red light flew from the tip and collided with Sirius's vest, causing the garment to light up and make a stange alarm-like sound. "So it's like a muggle wand?" I asked, feeling rather out of place, even with Marlene being just as confused as I was.

"Yeah. Except there's no magic involved. And it only does one thing." Sirius frowned. "So not really, but if it helps you to think of it that way, then sure."

"Dez and Peter can be on my team." James said with a shrug. "Peter's experienced and Dez is good at dueling, so I figure she'll get the hang of it fast enough. Once she figures it all out, I bet she'll rival Remus for strategic advantage. You can have Marlene and Remus, but good luck with your training, Padfoot." He said, throwing a gentle smile at Marlene to show he meant no hard feelings.

"I'm fine with that. Means I get a victory kiss when we wipe the floor with you guys." Sirius grinned.

We took up our positions on each side of the dim room. I could barely see the top of Sirius's head over the obstacles before he ducked, presumably to talk strategy with his team.

James leaned over to whisper to Peter and I, despite it being physically impossible for even Remus to hear us at this distance.

"Okay, guys, here's the plan." James smiled. "Dez, your goal is to be a distraction. You're new at this and it won't be suspicious if you run in guns blazing your first time around. That being said, try to take them out before you go down, or at least practice getting used to the gun. Don't be surprised if you don't manage to hit anything you're aiming at though. It takes some getting used to. Pete, you hang back and try to cover us as best you can, but you're our fall out plan. Dez and I are going to try taking out Sirius and Remus, but they might get us before we can get McKinnon. You just stay back and don't take any hits. If you've got a shot take it, but no unnecessary risks. Stay alive out there."

It took three rounds before I could take out a single player. Our strategy, as well as theirs, changed every time we met up, but we won every game, even with me getting taken down so much. After six rounds, Peter and Marlene got to be captains and pick their own teams. Remus Peter and I dominated the next six rounds against James, Sirius and Marlene, partly because for two of those six, we had caught Sirius and Marlene unaware and making out in some dark corner.

Finally, our reservations ran out and a gaggle of small children flooded the room to play amongst themselves.

"We should never not play laser tag!" I grinned excitedly. "Those muggle wands are so cool, even if they don't really do anything!" I pretended I was holding a laser gun and pointed at each of the boys, mock-shooting them in turn.

"Only because you won so much." Sirius laughed. "You wouldn't find it nearly as much fun if I had been fighting Sirius-ly."

"You would have found the laser tag more fun if you hadn't spent most of that time with your tongue down McKinnon's throat." I said, sticking my tongue out at him.

Sirius and I bickered more on the way home, neither of us really paying attention to what we said. After a movie or two, the five of us drifted apart, James asleep on my couch, Sirius on the living room floor and Remus and Peter in the two beds I had. With everywhere comfortable taken, I moved up to my study, casting a quick glamour on the books cases so the titles would appear uninteresting unless truly inspected and fell asleep on the small chair with a muggle book called Romeo and Juliet in my lap.


	38. Alone in London

_AN: Thank you to Aciolympus, Azreal, and Foreveradreamerinlife for the reviews. And I'm sorry for the long wait between chapters. I'm trying, but Dez doesn't want to do anything interesting right now. I'll try to update again by the end of the week, but I'm leaving town tomorrow and might not have time to write for a bit. I love you guys, talk soon, hopefully. If I don't, feel free to flood my inbox with complaints!_

* * *

The next few weeks flew by swiftly, with the Marauders spending their days exploring and relaxing, even occasionally planning new things to try when school resumed. I experienced many new muggle things, like camping and chinese food. They even dragged me out of the house to experience Karaoke night and a Comedy Club, where we each got booed off stage in turn. The boys even took me to a muggle version of a joke shop where I picked up dozens of shocking toys and the like.

When we went school shopping, I discovered a small fortune had been transferred to my vault, far more gold than father would have ever allowed me. I bought many things while we were in the alley, including a trunk with seven different compartments, including one big enough to use as a portable study for while I was at Hogwarts. I also picked up a set of five journals, connected with similar charms to the two I already had and passed them to each of the boys so we could always keep in touch, even if we were each in separate detentions.

The week before we were set to get on the train back to Hogwarts, Sirius burst into my bedroom, clearly in distress. He shook me almost violently awake.

"Dez! Wake up." The tone of Sirius's voice sent adrenaline rushing through my panic-ridden and sleep-deprived brain. "I made a huge mistake. Can I please please stay here? Just until the First? I'll find somewhere to go before next summer, I promise."

"One rule." I mumbled, my brain slowing down again as I realized that there was no actual threat. "The only rule is don't wake me up. Especially at 2 AM when there's a spare bed and TWO free couches to sleep on. Now go away. We'll talk about it when there's sunlight."

Sirius nodded violently enough to give me a headache from just watching him. "Yeah, that's fine. I won't wake you up again. I'm so sorry. Thank you Dez."

"Just go!" I groaned, rolling over to get comfortable again.

I woke again, well after noon, having been left alone perfectly well this time. None of the marauders, even James had bothered me, and the house was almost eerily quiet for this time of day. I changed into a simple lavender sweater with the logo of one of Sirius's favorite quidditch teams and a pair of presentable sweat pants. We had no plans, at least that I knew about, for today and we were going to spend the day inside.

I left my bedroom and looked around the house. No one was on the first floor that I could tell, but there were whispers coming from the second floor above. I climbed the stairs and stepped into the spare bedroom. All four of the boys were sitting on the spare bed, looking as if they were trying to be dreadfully quiet.

"No one died while I was asleep, right?" I yawned, settling on the floor next to the bed.

"None that the Prophet reported." Remus shrugged lightly.

"Then why is it so quiet? You guys always wake me up before noon." I leaned against the wall drowsily.

"Sirius said we had to be quiet." Peter offered softly. "Said he'd jynx anyone who woke you, or even threatened to."

"I didn't mean to never wake me up, Padfoot." I chuckled. "I'm not that vindictive. It was just 2 AM and I'd stayed up late studying for the start of the year."

"Okay." Sirius smiled sheepishly. "I just didn't want you kicking me out too."

"Now that it's properly daytime, what on Earth happened last night that freaked you out so bad?"

"Well, I usually spend at least a couple weeks at home." He shrugged. "And when I got home this time, Mum and I got into a little fight over some letter that I found open and addressed to ME on the kitchen table. I told her not to go through my things, and she seemed to think that such a request was out of line."

"Who sent the letter that she felt the need to read it before handing it over?" I asked, stretching.

"My uncle that I didn't know I had." Sirius grinned. "He was burned off the family tree for attending a muggle college, evidently wanted to be a muggle brain doctor or something. Must have been pretty successful too, because the letter came with a Gringotts key and a congratulations on 'breaking bad habits', as he put it. I guess it must be for being a Gryffindor, or maybe for being a rebel in general."

"That's great!" I grinned. "Now we're both free from all that racist crap."

"Yeah, but I've been burned off the family tree now too." Sirius frowned. "I checked out the vault this morning, it's enough to get by for a few years, but nowhere near what I would have gotten being the heir of a Noble house. I'm going to have to find a job as soon as I graduate."

"You can always borrow from me if you run into trouble." I shrugged. James nodded saying that he would help too. "Besides, I actually want to find a job right out of school. The plan is to have my first big breakthrough even before then."

"How on earth are you going to do that, love?" Remus asked, leaning over the edge of Sirius's bed to look at me.

"Well, I started studying last year for my first project, of course." I grinned. "Can't divulge anything more than that though. Too many people would think to steal it if they knew what I was doing. Especially if they found out that I'm actually good at it."

James rolled his eyes, but luckily no one saw him.

"And once your name's out there? What are you going to do then?" Peter frowned. "People will be gunning for you hard if you do something great before you even graduate."

"I'm going to use the name I make for myself to land a nice job with good hours and decent pay. It's not as if I really need to worry about the money." I grinned. "And with everyone gunning for me, it should be easy to find someone who wants to side with me."

"That's actually not bad," Sirius conceided. "Especially since you've got the backing of an Ancient and Noble House, but also the benefit of everyone one knowing you're the least evil Malfoy in like ten generations."

"Pretty much the plan." I smiled. "And the back up plan is to go into work at the Ministry and work my way up the ladder, using the Malfoy name and the Order's approval to gain the favor of all but the most extreme purebloods. So long as the war is over by then, of course. Right now common folk fear names like Malfoy and Black because they think we're all Death Eaters, even myself."

"That would be… boring." Sirius frowned.

"Yes, dreadfully so." I agreed. "But it would also help a lot of people, people like Lily Evans who are unfairly treated just because their parents happened to be muggles. I could change all that, if I took enough time and effort to do so. ANd I could always tell the extremists that I had a hidden agenda to create a potion that would block muggleborn magic from them, thus eliminating the problem. A very difficult potion that would take many years to develop, while they have no idea that I'm just using them. It's something I'm surprised no decent Slytherin has ever tried."

"Maybe you really are the first Slytherin not to care about blood purity." Sirius shrugged.

"That doesn't even make sense, Padfoot." I rolled my eyes. "Not just Slytherins play the game. Ravenclaws are well known for war games, just like us. Occasionally I notice a Gryffindor or Hufflepuff who has adapted to play the game, but never on quite this high of a level. Somewhere there had to have been someone trained in War Games that saw that muggleborns were just as good as wizards. Heck, I'd say some muggleborns could actually kick many purebloods out of the water, if they had been trained properly. Think about Lily and Longbottom in a duel. Yeah, Frank Longbottom is good, but he's not nearly Lily good. And Molly Prewett? Blood Traitor Molly Prewett could kick Pureblood Elite Bella Black's ass to Atlantis and back"

"Well, yeah, but even the Elite admit that there's always an exception here and there." Remus said, playing devil's advocate. Lily's secretly a Wizard orphan who was planted in a muggle home. Frank Longbottom's mum was actually a muggle, or even a squib. Molly's still a pureblood, even if she's considered a blood traitor."

"Yeah, explain how James, who's just barely a pureblood by Elite standards, can beat Sirius, who is heir to an Ancient House. Muggle blood has nothing to do with magical ability. It's all just something we tell ourselves to explain why the magic is, by all appearances, dying out. It must be the muggle's fault, because it can't just be that powerful wizards are having less children due to thousands of years of inbreeding. And it it would be even worse if it was because so few of us TRIED to be powerful wizards anymore."

"I honestly can't argue that. But your brother could, I'm sure." Remus chuckled. "Muggleborns sure do appreciate magic more than purebloods, even if they don't understand it as well."

I gave a shaky smile. "I've always wanted to say that it was the Elite's fault for inbreeding, but really, it's just a mystery."

"Maybe magic isn't getting weaker and the history books make simple things seem fantastic." Sirius shrugged. "It sounds like something pureblood racists would do to prove their point."

"True enough." I sighed. "But personally, I think the magic really is fading and it's because in the past, kids like Remus would never have been allowed to go to school. Even as it is, Remus is the only schooled 'halfbreed', if you'll excuse the crude term, that we've ever heard of."

Remus nodded solemnly and crawled from the bed to lean against me. "It's true. Beauxbatons let part veela's attend, but vampires and werewolves and elves and goblins and centaurs aren't even allowed to buy wands usually. I don't know how Dumbledore managed it."

"Most of them don't want wands and stuff, though." Peter shrugged. "Giving a werewolf a wand binds him to the Wizard's Ministry, and most are perfectly happy with their pack leaders being the only ones to boss them around. Werewolves without packs, like Remus seem to be the only exception."

"How would you know that though? Because the corrupt ministry let the newspapers under their law tell you so? I saw even the quibbler would know better than the Daily Prophet. Too many journalists are in the ministries pocket to believe a word of it." I shrugged. "Remus deserves a wand just as much as I do. He deserves to work for a living. He deserves to have people fighting for him, people who matter, not just four teenagers and a crazy old man who only does enough to scrape by."


	39. Back to School

AN: I really can't excuse these long delays, but I am really sorry. I'm going to try and update faster, but the holidays are coming up so fast I can't think and my brothers, who I haven't seen in years and won't see for several more probably, are coming to town soon. Thank you to Azreal for nudging me with his wonderful review. Sorry if this chapter gets a little confusing with the journals. If anyone has an idea of better keeping them straight please let me know! I tried to use lots of names to make it at least readable.

* * *

Before long, four of the Marauders sat in a train car to themselves. I picked a nice corner by the window where I could study along the way. The cover to my potions book now housed a book by the most respectable werewolf author I could find, and even he was a bit of a joke compared to wizard authors, called _Your Wolf and You _. I sighed and laid one journal on each of my thighs.

In the Marauder's notebook, I wrote: _Hey, Moony, you up yet?_

Last night had been the Night of Nesting for werewolves. What did that mean for Remus? Would he have transformed and tried to hunt for his pack and mate? Did he have the willpower to refuse the wolf's search? Did Moony scream in Remus's head at the very thought of his mate being miles away from him, clearly out of his reach?

The book warmed against my thigh, turning from green to silver even as I looked at the nearly empty page. An elegant script had appeared just underneath my loopy writing.

 _Yeah, I can write for a bit, but my head's killing me, so I might ask for a sleeping potion._

 _I completely understand, love. If you need to get some rest, don't worry about it._

 _I want to talk while I can. I miss you, Dez._

 _You guys Kind of nauseate me. And that's saying something, with all the girlfriends I've had in the last year alone._

 _Honestly, Padfoot, I think That's the problem. You have so many girlfriends that you never bother to fall for one._

 _Shut up, Prongs. It's not my fault you've been in love with the same girl since first year._

 _At least James knows the definition of faithful, Sirius. You wouldn't know commitment if it smacked you in the face with a day old fish._

 _I don't think that you're actually helping, Dez._

 _I know. But they took over the notes I was trying to send you…_

 _I want to join!_

 _Go away, Pete. And James and Sirius too. I want to talk to my BOYFRIEND. I'm pretty sure your innocent eyes couldn't handle that._

Sirius chuckled aloud and I grinned at him over the three books I was balancing. "Please guys? I really miss you guys get to talk without me in Gryffindor all the time."

"Fine, Sirius sighed, sliding his red and gold journal into his bag. James's black and silver journal followed into his bag as well. Peter's gold and black journal was tossed onto the seat next to him and then it was just Remus and I.

 _Just us for now. I'm sure they'll be back though._

 _I don't know if I mentioned before, but I really like the Ravenclaw colors of my book. Was that a coincidence or did you plan it?_

 _They came as a house set, Slytherin was for me, obviously. I gave Peter Hufflepuff, hoping he wouldn't notice. (He hasn't yet.) Sirius got Gryffindor, since that's a point of pride for him. James's journal is actually one of the colors of a house in Durmstrang. It's like the Dark version of Gryffindor, the house of вечен. That means eternal, undying, timeless, stuff like that. Since his ancestors were the Peverell brothers, I figured it would work._

 _Peverell Brothers? Like from the tale of the three brothers?_

 _The one and only. Though the real story of their trophies probably doesn't contain death himself. Probably some dark lord that they came across, or maybe the items were powerful, but cursed, I mean, two of the three died pretty fast._

 _And James's cloak?_

 _The cloak from the story, I believe. I mean it's a family heirloom and it hasn't worn out even a little? Unbelievable._

"My ears itch. Are you guys talking about me?" James asked, scratching mercilessly at his left ear.

"Your ancestors actually." I grinned over the books in my lap.

"Well stop it!" James pouted lightly.

 _We have to stop talking about the Peverells. James says his ears itch._

 _Thought it was your nose that itched when someone talked about you._

 _It's just a stupid myth. You know like getting the chills when a dementor passes your grave. Nothing really to it._

 _Dez, I think I'm going to take a nap. Moony's getting squirrelly._

 _Your wolf is acting like a squirrel?_

 _And you sound just like him now._

 _Haha, get some sleep, Wolfie._

 _Must you put that in writing, Dez?_

 _Don't worry, Moony. They've all got the same charms as my potions journal. No one who's name isn't on them can read them. Only the person whose name is on them can put another's name on it. Must be done of your own free will, so torture doesn't work. It's safer than using a quieting charm. Perhaps even safer than the Room of Requirement, since you could enter the room just by asking for the same thing as whoever's already there._

 _Yeah, but has it ever been really tested?_

 _People try to read my journal all the time in Slytherin. They think, of course, that they'll find something to use as leverage, which they wouldn't even if they could read it._

 _Sleepy Moony._

 _Good night, Rem._

There was no reply, so I closed the book and turned back to _Your Wolf and You _ to study. The book was written by a werewolf who had been born rather than made, writing to other werewolves who were struggling with their identities.

It stated in the book that the werewolf's mother had been a muggle before she was changed, against her will, by his father, her mate. There was a lot of background information about how many male werewolves believed their mate to be their property and other such werewolf thinking. Evidently, the mother had been 16 when she was changed and had battled the wolf throughout the remainder of her life.

These views were both obviously challenged by the author who thought that everyone should have a choice, but also thought that battling the wolf was pointless. He stated that his mother had died of old age at the ripe age of 32, which evidently was middle aged for an average muggle. The author had been 13 when his mother had passed and was now grown himself.

I frowned at the thought. I knew Remus felt his wolf a monster, so surely he battled it quite harshly himself. Wizards age slower than muggles, almost living twice as long, even longer in the case of great wizards like Dumbledore. But even being a wizard, would Remus age faster than usual because of his wolf? He'd already been battling his wolf half as long as the muggle woman. In another ten years will Remus have aged beyond his years? In twenty would he be an old man? In forty years, when we're only fifty-five, which is still fairly young for a wizard, would he look as old an worn as Dumbledore himself?

Tears welled in my eyes at the thought and I slammed the book shut. I couldn't read any more of it now. Sirius gave me a strange look from across the car and I just shook my head. I couldn't share my thoughts with him yet. James caught my eye and gave me a sympathetic look, obviously guessing what I was really studying so intently. I sighed, wondering how much of this was really necessary for developing a cure. Or if a cure was even possible, once you took into account that your wolf was really a part of you.

Tears continued to leak down my face as the train pulled up to the castle. I gathered my things and stepped into the rain, grateful that the pouring rain hid the fact that I was crying.

The carriages picked us up and I patted one of the thestrals as I climbed into the carriage behind it. On the way to the castle, I leaned on Sirius's shoulder and dried my face.

The castle loomed before us and I relaxed slightly, knowing I was home and Remus would be back soon.


	40. A Marauder's Sorting

AN: This is the end for a while. I can't keep up with this story. I don't have anything else written. I'll try to come back to this eventually, but right now, I'm all tapped out on this. I have an idea where I wanted it to end up, just no clue how to get there. Thanks for all the support and stuff on the way here. I hope I won't leave you hanging for to long... Sorry for letting you down, guys.

* * *

The great hall was warm and welcome, as always. I smiled at the stormy ceiling and followed the marauders to their seats at the Gryffindor table. They settled in and I stood just behind them, waiting patiently for Dumbledore to formally announce my resorting.

Dumbledore stood, calling the great hall's attention to the head table. "As many of you probably know, or at least heard by now, this year Hogwarts has it's first resorting in nearly a hundred years. Our very own Desari Malfoy has asked to be sorted out of Slytherin house. It is a sad day indeed when a student no longer feels they belong in the house that should have stood by them and made them always welcome, but such things happen on occasion. People change, their needs change, and sometimes a change in scenery is for the best. I expect the students of her new house as well as everyone else to respect her choice and be welcoming. Wherever she may go. Let the sorting begin!"

I walked slowly towards where the first years stood and nodded my respect to the headmaster for his attempt to make things a little easier for me.

The sorting hat was placed on it's stool. and opened it's wide brim.

"Muda mrefu mrefu uliopita, muda mrefu zaidi Ningependa kusema

Marafiki nne akagundua wapate kuwa wamekwenda siku moja.

Ambao hawakupenda shule zao na sakafu zake nyingi,

Lakini waliogopa siku moja itakuwa karibu milango yake.

Walikuwa imani kwamba ndoto yao inaweza kuwa aborted,

Lakini bila ya wao huko ni jinsi gani watoto kutatuliwa?

Basi kuchapwa me off na alinifundisha wimbo,

Ili niweze kuwasaidia watoto pamoja!

Ravenclaws zimejaa flair,

na ndoto za kuongezeka katika Air.

Mkiwa na upendo wa kujifunza,

Wanaweza kuweka kurasa yako kugeuka.

Gryffindors wanajulikana kwa kushirikiana

Upendo mkubwa kwa mambo yote daring.

Ujasiri wakati wanakabiliwa na kitu mbaya,

Upendo wao nzito moto kama moto.

Slytherins ni kujaa kwa tamaa,

Wao huwa na kushikamana utamaduni.

Mbunifu kama inapita mkondo,

Njaa kwa nguvu inawafanya kupiga kelele.

Hufflepuffs kujua kuzaliwa si mtukufu,

Lakini inaweza kuwa sana chini duniani.

Wao ni mgonjwa na waaminifu

Na utulivu katika uso wa taabu.

I hate kuona watoto wa Hogwarts Drift mbali,

Kama mimi alikuwa mmoja, inaweza kuvunja moyo wangu.

Kukaa feuds yako moja na wote,

Kama siyo, wewe hakika kuanguka …"

The sorting hat seemed to frown, as well as the headmaster and nearly everyone in the great hall. My eyes traveled to a smirking band of Gryffindors, as I wondered how on earth they'd managed to charm the hat when they hadn't left my sight since we arrived. The sorting hat was supposed to be protected against any and all tampering, but somehow my marauders had managed to delay the sorting.

The headmaster stood again. "It would seem to me that someone thought it would be fun to have the sorting hat sing in Swahili tonight. Perhaps they simply wanted to delay the Sorting for a night?" Dumbledore's eyes lit on the marauders for a moment.

A fifth table appeared parallel to the Head Table. "The unsorted may sit at this table for dinner, and I will make arrangements for your sleeping chambers for the night. The sorting ceremony will have to be delayed until morning for the first time in Hogwarts history. First years take your seats, and everyone enjoy the feast."

Food appeared on all five tables and I frowned at the 'unsorted' table before raising my head high and walking calmly over to the Gryffindor table. If I wasn't being sorted yet, I was sitting with the Marauders, not some little kids.

"Everyone's staring, Dez. That was bloody brilliant," James grinned, giving Dez a high five. "We should do that EVERY year!"

"James, that wasn't me." I frowned. "I wouldn't even know where to begin trying that, let alone how to pull it off." My eyes traveled up to the sorting hat, which was now in Dumbledore's hand, still mumbling jibberish.

"Then who?" Sirius frowned. "None of us, we were too far away. If not you, then who else could have? That was marauder level stuff."

"Maybe Remus?" I frowned.

"We'd better hope that he got over his anti-rule breaking campaign, because if that wasn't Rem, than we've got a declaration of war." James smirked.

"Personally, I'm hoping for a war." I winked. "We could use some excitement in our lives."

"Our balance in power is delicate if our opponents can do something we can't." Sirius warned. "If it is a war, we need to do something big."

"Dumbledore seemed to think it was us." I shrugged. "Besides, we don't know if it was Rem or not. Let's figure that out before we go planning to blow up the Slytherin portrait or whatever."

"That's not a bad idea, even if it was Moony." James shrugged.

"Dumbledore will only put up with so much." I frowned. "We can't do anything too big right now unless we want expelled."  
Dinner was loud that night and the new temporary common room was even louder. Professor McGonagall insisted that I act as a prefect for the first years until we could get them sorted in the morning, so I was up half the night trying to convince a hundred first years to get into the beds that the school had provided for the night.

When breakfast finally arrived, I showed the first years back to the Great Hall where the fifth table had vanished and the sorting hat was waiting on a chair.

"Does the sorting ceremony always go like that?" A little blonde girl named Jamie Barnes asked. She was one of the new muggleborn girls who'd kept me up so late. If I had to guess, I'd say she was going to be a Gryffindor by the end of breakfast. "Because I feel kind of like I'm being hazed. That's a thing that muggles do to freshman in high school. My brother got his arm broken during his freshman hazing."

"Nope." I smiled. "When I started the sorting hat sang in english. All the first years that year were sorted within an hour."

"Why are you being sorted again?" Andrew White sneered. He was a little half-blood boy who was pure Slytherin. "My brother says you betrayed that Snape kid."

"I'm being sorted again because that Snape kid and a few other Slytherins betrayed me." I frowned at the boy. "Slytherin is in my blood, and I belong there. But sometimes, Andrew, sometimes grown ups have to do things that they don't want to. Sometimes it's safer to walk away from a fight. I bet your mum told you that. She was a Slytherin too, right?"

"Mom says that you always give up power when you lose." Andrew smiled proudly. "She says losing should only be done if you know you can't win and it saves you from losing all your power."

"Sounds like a proud Slytherin." I smiled, patting the kid's hair. "That's why I'm being resorted. I didn't want to lose everything, and if I had stayed, Snape would have taken all my power rather than just most of it."

"Sounds like this Snape kid is evil." Jamie frowned.

"He's not." I sighed. "Severus Snape was my best friend. But in Slytherin, even your best friend will take your power if they know that they can. Slytherins are great people to have on your side, but they're bad people to trust with your secrets."

"Was Snape your boyfriend?" Andrew smirked, reminding me a bit of Sirius.

"Naw, boyfriends are for losers." I joked. "Snape was the boyfriend of a muggleborn girl in our year."

"A muggleborn? In Slytherin?" Andrew gasped. "I didn't think their kind were powerful enough."

"Lily's plenty powerful enough to be a Slytherin. But she isn't. She's a Gryffindor." I chuckled. "And before you ask, yes a Slytherin dated a Gryffindor. It's uncommon, but not unheard of. I'm technically engaged to a Gryffindor. My father arranged it."

"But you're a Malfoy." Andrew sneered.

"And my fiance is a Black. Father had no idea he would be a Gryffindor when we were younger." I smiled. "He's the first Black to be sorted out of Slytherin in centuries."

"When was the last time a Malfoy was sorted out?" Jamie asked, staring up at me in awe.

"I've never heard of a single one." I smiled proudly. "I think I'm the first."

"That's not something to be proud of." Andrew frowned.

"Shhh. The sorting is starting." I hissed at the boy and looked up to where Professor McGonagall was standing with the hat.

"Well, student's I suppose we shall pick up right where we left off then." Minerva beamed as the sorting hat began singing again, this time in English, but with a slower, more depressing tone than I'd ever heard from it.

"Long long ago, longer than I'd like to say

Four friends realized they might be gone one day.

They loved their school and its many floors,

But they feared one day it would close its doors.

They were dread to think their dream could be aborted,

But without them there how could the kids be sorted?

So they whipped me off and taught me song,

So I could help the kids along!

Ravenclaws are full of flair,

and dreams of soaring in the Air.

If you have a love of learning,

They can keep your pages turning.

Gryffindors are known for sharing

A great love for all things daring.

Bold when faced with something dire,

Their passions burn hot like Fire.

Slytherins are filled with ambition,

They tend to cling to tradition.

Resourceful as a flowing Stream,

Hunger for power makes them scream.

Hufflepuffs know not noble birth,

But can be very down to Earth.

They are patient and loyal

And calm in the face of toil.

I hate to see the kids of Hogwarts drift apart,

If I had one, it might break my heart.

Settle your feuds one and all,

If not, you will surely fall…"

"That sounds bad…." Andrew whispered softly. "Does the hat always do that?"

"Nope." I frowned. "Usually the hat sings about happy things. I think this might be a bad year that's coming."

"First up is Desari Malfoy!" Professor Dumbledore bellowed, silencing the whispers about the hat's song.

I stepped forward and placed the hat on my head. Instead of falling down over my eyes, like it had when I was younger, the hat seemed to fit my head almost perfectly. It whispered in my ear with the same voice from my memory. _Yes. I remember you. Desari Malfoy, what brings you back? Did Slytherin not work out like you had hoped?_

I didn't bother to speak aloud. I remembered how the hat had worked. Instead I focused on the more intense memories of the last five years. _Slytherin suited my needs, but now it is no longer safe. I need to be somewhere safer._

 _I see. It is a sad day indeed when a student cannot trust their house. But you have changed much in the last five years. You still have all your ambition, but you have grown weary of what it takes to harness power in the Snake Lair. You have grown braver, but also learned that knowledge holds power just as easily as reputation. You are loyal to your new friends, and even still loyal to your old ones. Bravery, Ambition, Knowledge, and Loyalty. You would fit in well wherever you went, Miss Malfoy. So I must ask, Where would you like to go?_

The image of the marauders and I in the Gryffindor common room on Christmas floated to my mind without my permission. _I will miss Slytherin greatly._ I thought at the hat, thinking of the emerald light that floated through the submerged windows of the Slytherin common room. _But I think I would like to join my friends._

The hat chuckled silently on my head before calling out to the hall. "One hundred percent Gryffindor!" _Perhaps that will help them understand._ The hat added silently before returning to lifelessness.

I took the hat off and faced the hall. There were a lot of boos, but a few students seemed to be thinking about the hat's words. The hat had never reassured anyone before. I turned my head towards the chorus of cheers from the closest end of the Gryffindor table. All four of my marauder friends were there cheering me on. Remus looked like he hadn't slept in a week, but that seemed to just make him cheer louder.


	41. We Made It

Well, I'm back for awhile. Work on this story is still slow going, but I've got past the worst of the writer's block. Hopefully I'll be able to update about once a week again. Expect the next chapter Monday night/ Tuesday morning.

* * *

When I reached the Gryffindor table Remus smiled and laid his head on my shoulder sleepily. "Congrats, Dez. You're a lion now."

"Our little Dezzie's all grown up, Padfoot." James said, pretending to cry.

"Oh shut up, _Mum_." I said rolling my eyes at James. "The hat asked where I wanted to go, and I said I wanted to be with Remus."

"Just Remus?" Sirius mocked. "Thanks a lot Dez."

"Of course I only chose Gryffindor because of Remus. The rest of you are a pain in the arse." I teased sticking my tongue out at Sirius.

"It's part of our charm." James shrugged.

"Congratulations, Dez." Peter smiled softly.

"Thanks Peter. Now I'll be able to bug you for herbology help whenever I want." I smirked, bumping into him playfully with my free elbow.

"Moony's asleep already." Sirius smirked, just as the great hall erupted in a chorus of cheers and boos for Alexandra Abbott who swore to me that her middle name was Adam and that her parents called her Triple A. The short tomboy strutted her way down the length of the Gryffindor table, pausing only to give me a high five before taking a seat further down the table.

Sirius, James, and I watched the Sorting with interest, as we always did. I whispered details I'd learned about some of the students as the sorting went.

Jamie Barnes, the little muggleborn from earlier, was sorted into Gryffindor and she grinned brightly at me as she went to join Triple A at the other end of the table. When Andrew White, the last first year, had been sorted into Slytherin, food appeared on the tables and we were allowed to eat.

"So, any ideas of students that might need.. a little advice from the marauders?" James asked, grinning at me.

"Triple A and Jamie are bloody genius and would do well. Andrew had potential, but he's a Slytherin now." I shrugged.

"You were a Slytherin just a few months ago. We could work around that." Sirius shrugged back. "White's a muggle name, isn't it?"

"His mother's a halfblood, I think. But I don't know who the father is, so his dad might have been a wizard too." I frowned trying to remember if he ever mentioned a father.

"Two wizard parents does not a pureblood make. He might have some hope for him." Sirius argued.

"He's a Slytherin." I countered simply as if that explained it all… and in a way it did.

"Well, we can scout the two girls. See if they need any help getting into trouble." James smiled, silently nudging Sirius and pointing to Remus who had fallen asleep in my lap.

The other boys whispered about how adorable Moony was when he was asleep. I was having too much trouble trying to eat around him to join in their playful teasing. Peter pretended to help by offering me a forkful of his eggs, and giggled when I glared at him.

"Can someone like vanish him to the hospital wing or something?" I frowned as I dropped a sausage link in Remus's hair.

"Do it yourself. We're not your house elves." James smirked.

"Sorry, the Malfoy family only has one house elf. Not a whole fleet like you, Potter." I teased lightly.

"Oi! You calling me lazy?" James asked, throwing hash browns at me. I dodged them by hiding behind Remus.

"You wanna be purebloods always are." I smiled, launching an egg at him. With no werewolf shield the egg managed to hit him square in the face.

"At least my family worked for their money." James said with a wink. "Your family just stole theirs from helpless muggleborns."

"You're probably right there. Dad's never had a day of honest work in his life." I smiled. "But I will. I'll make an example for future Malfoys to follow."

"No you won't. The future Malfoys will see the pile of gold you brother inherits and call you lame in comparison." Sirius frowned.

"Not to mention that your kids will be Lupins not Malfoys." James grinned.

"I'll teach Lucius's kids the right way." I shrugged.

"I love how you completely failed to comment on the fact that you and Remus were going to have kids." Sirius teased.

"We're soulmates." I shrugged. "For all I care, we could have a whole houseful of kids like the Weasleys. Or we could have none like Sirius's uncle. Makes no difference to me."

The four of us finished eating shortly later and Sirius helped me take Remus to back to the hospital wing to sleep off the full moon. "Poor guy always looks like crap after the moons. We gotta get back to work on our animagus." Sirius whispered.

The first day of school was always pretty optional. it was mostly so first years could find their new classes and get them explained to them, so the boys and I snuck into the room of requirement and had a little Marauder meeting… minus one Moony of course.

"Okay, I know it's been awhile, guys, but Remus really needs us. We need to see if we can tap into our spirit animals without the incense. We're using today to do just that. Remus will be out of commission until morning, so we have all night to figure it out." Sirius announced, officially starting the meeting.

"I still have lots of dreams where Ghost is in control, but I haven't tried to reach out without any help from the hazia." I stretched. "Also I have all the stuff gathered and prepared for the potion. We should work out shifts to check on it and start it tonight. We'll keep practicing getting in touch with our other halves while it brews."

"Good idea. How often does it need checked?" James grinned.

"Every few hours. Everyone hand me your schedules and I'll write something up. Could you guys get everything all ready to start work while I write it up?" I grinned, collecting the schedules that we'd gotten that morning. A lot of our classes were the same, but there was just enough variation that we could manage it… as long as someone was willing to skip lunch.

"Okay, here everyone goes. Just a heads up, once quidditch starts, your schedule's going to get a little rougher, James. Especially with Prefect duties and all. Remember that we can't let Moony find out just yet, so be careful with your excuses for him." I smiled handing back the pages and looking at their work. While I was preoccupied the whole room had transformed into something resembling a potion dungeon with our usual beanbag chairs huddled in a corner.

I laid out the potion things while the boys looked over the schedules I'd whipped up. It was a long day of precision and focus for me while I started the potion. The boys helped where they could, but there really wasn't much they could do. I was the potions expert after all. Charms, transfiguration, and herbology were their strong suits.

When I was finally done, we called an early dinner from the house elves and curled into our beanbags. "Potions is so boring." Sirius whined as he stuffed his face full of a strange looking dish I didn't have a name for.

"It can be." I shrugged. "But it requires enough focus that I don't usually notice. Especially with masterworks like this one will be."

"Did you know that when you really focus on something you mutter the magical properties of random plants under your breath?" Peter smiled. "It's a wonder you don't do better in herbology with all that knowledge memorized."

"I have the knowledge. That's how I've passed this far." I chuckled, picking at my veggies. "It's the hands on work that I can't do. Knowing exactly how much aconite a human can ingest without instantaneous death? That's in here somewhere. The mating habits of mandrakes though? I have no freaking clue."

"The mating habits of mandrakes were on our OWLs, Dez." Peter sighed. "We went over it a dozen times."

"Yeah, but why should I care? I can just hire someone to raise the mandrake for me so I can put it in my potions." I shrugged. "Herbology is great for people who don't kill everything they've ever tried to raise. My uncle once bought me a cactus and I killed it. And he said that even a baby could keep one of those alive."

"Seriously? How did you do that?" Peter frowned.

"Well, if I knew that, I would have bought a new one and pretended it never happened. But I just killed the second one too." I shrugged, lazily reaching out for Ghost. I didn't really expect a response, so when I felt a sudden burst of claustrophobia it caught me off guard.

"Has anyone tried reaching out yet? Ghost is literally a single thought away right now. It's practically second nature." I said suddenly, interrupting whatever Pete had been saying.

"Seriously? It took me half an hour trying to reach Padfoot while you were doing your potions thing." Sirius pouted.

"I think I read somewhere that some animagi had an easier time reaching out after a near death experience." James mumbled, rustling through his notebook. "Yeah! This fox animagus, called herself Silver, she nearly overdosed on the hazia, but she could commune with her fox like second nature after she came out of the coma. She thought that while she was out that maybe the fox had been in control of her unconscious body."

"So all we have to do is almost die. Great." Peter groaned.

"Naw." James smirked. "Plenty of the others did just fine without nearly dying. It was just a bit harder for them."

"Anyways, I vote we take an hour or so to get in touch with our other halves and then we head up to bed. I'm beat." Sirius yawned.

"I concur. If any of us hasn't gotten in touch in an hour, we can try ten minutes of hazia next moon and see if that helps." I yawned, lazily reaching out to Ghost. The tiger inside me seemed much calmer now that I was prepared for it.

"Are you sure more hazia is safe?" Pete whimpered. "Last time I was shakey for days afterwards."

"It's safe." I assured the poor rat. "It's been months to get over the addiction and it'll be much lower doses this time."

"If you say so." Peter sighed, trying to relax, but I could see him twitching nervously.

I scooted my chair behind him and lazily played with his hair to help him calm down. Before long, all three of the boys had faded into a lazy half sleep of meditation. I waited the hour out, watching the boys as they got to know their other halves and occasionally soothing them if they started to get nervous, though that was mostly Wormtail.

When the hour was up, I calmly woke the three and made sure that each had actually been communing with their animals rather than napping or some such.

"Okay. Everyone has their homework ready right? Tomorrow we start school for real." I yawned, stretching my tired limbs.

They all assured me that they did, so we headed off to bed. Remus would be coming back from the hospital wing to sleep in his own bed for the night any minute. I tried to wait for him, but I was falling asleep in the common room, so I headed upstairs to meet my new roommates and get some sleep.

"So that's where you've been all day." Lily giggled when I laid on my bed.

"Huh?" I frowned, looking at the girl.

"Well, most people didn't actually go to any classes today, but we hadn't seen hide nor hare of you." Lily shrugged. "We figured you were off somewhere with Remus, but you definitely smell like a potions experiment."

"Yeah. Rem and I were testing out some theories I came up with over the summer. I've got a flat in muggle London right now, so we couldn't test them 'til we got back." I smiled awkwardly. It was an innocent lie, but it was the first of many, many lies that I would tell. "We'll probably be doing a lot of that actually. I think I might be onto something big. And I mean like something no one else has ever thought of big."

"Really?" Marlene McKinnon asked, her eyes going wide. I could tell she was one who just loved to gossip.

"Yeah, but I can't tell anyone about it just yet." I chuckled. "Too many variables to test still. I may still be trying to figure it out for years yet. Hopefully I'll have it public friendly for my graduation project. I'm going to be a potion's master, so whatever I do for a final project, my career depends on it."

"Yeah. I heard that hardly anyone gets taken on as an apprentice by anyone important. You're really brave to try for it." Lily grinned. "Is Remus going to be a Potion Master too?"

"I don't think he's decided on anything yet. But he could do whatever he wanted really. He's brilliant at everything it seems." I smiled lightly.

"You're lucky to have him." A girl I think was named Alice smiled. "I don't think he's had a girlfriend up until now. I was starting to think he'd be one of those guys who grew up and married his job."

"I don't know about marriage, but I do like him." I smiled at the pretty blonde. "And he's super smart. I don't think I could have dreamed up a better research partner."

"Maybe they'll end up getting married just because they can't legally marry their libraries." Marlene giggled teasing me.

"It's true. I do love me some books." I laughed.


	42. Variables

AN: First I'd like to thank Sparky She-Demon and SlypherTheDragon for their reviews. I just love hearing from you guys. Second, I'm going to start trying to update every week on Monday night/Tuesday morning. I just wanted to let you know. Love you all and hope you return.

* * *

I woke up surrounded by a sea of red and a chorus of giggles. I frowned in confusion before remembering that I was in a shared dorm for the first time in years. "Whaz so funny?" I yawned as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. Marlene, Alice, Lily and some brown haired girl I'd only seen in passing were all crowded onto Lily's bed and staring at me.

"You were purring in your sleep!" The Brown haired girl giggled at me.

"I was?" I frowned stretching. "I can't remember…"

"It's okay, we're used to weird things by now." Alice teased. "Julia here sounds like she's having an asthma attack when she sleeps."

"Oh… Okay?" I rubbed my face trying to wake up a bit more.

"The shower's open. We've already had all ours." Lily said, nodding towards a door on the opposite side of the room.

"Thanks." I nodded and slid out of bed to find some clothes. Most of what I owned was useless though. I had a single set of plain black robes, but all my underclothes were far too Slytherin to wear on my first day as a Gryffindor. I tossed item after item into a discard pile to my left until I found a single pair of plain muggle jeans. "Crap…"

"Here." Lily smiled, holding out a red blouse. "You can borrow one of mine. We're about the same size."

I blushed darkly. "T-thanks…"

"Don't worry about it. That's what roommates are for. I'm sure I'll end up borrowing that cute blue top one of these days." She winked at me.

"Yeah. No problem." I smiled weakly.

"Is that emerald top made of silk?" Alice asked, staring in awe as I started putting my things back.

"Yeah. I've got a few that are, but most of my things are some shade of green or silver." I shrugged.

"C-can I wear it?" She asked shyly.

"Knock yourself out." I shrugged.

The girl pulled off the blouse she was wearing right in the middle of the dorm to try on mine. At first I was embarrassed, but after the initial shock, I sulked off feeling a little jealous. I would never be that confident. Not with a scar riddled body like I have.

I showered and dressed fairly quickly, but the top Lily had loaned me was a little too low cut. The jagged edge of my newest scar peeked above the fabric.

I stuck my head out the door. "Uh Lily… I hate to ask… but do you have anything a little more… conservative?"

"That shirt will look great on you, Dez. You don't have to cover every inch." Lily smiled, walking towards me. "Here let me help you with it."

Before I realized what she was doing, Lily had pulled the door open to get a look at me. She stared in shock for a moment before nudging me back into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. Luckily she'd been standing between me and the other girls.

"Oh, Dezzie, what happened?" Lily asked, fixing the shirt to rest in place correctly before tracing the edge of the scar.

"It's nothing." I mumbled softly. "I just cover it so people won't look at me like you are right now."

"You poor thing." Lily said, pulling her hand back and pulling out her wand instead. She cast a silent glamour spell and turned me to face the mirror.

As I looked into the mirror I saw someone resembling myself looking back, but I didn't see a single scar, not even the less noticeable ones.

"This won't fool anyone who's looking too closely, but for the most part, no one will notice. I promise." Lily said easing my short hair out of my face. "I'll teach you how to do it. And if you ever want to talk, it's okay."

The red head gave me a knowing look and reached for the handle. "And don't worry. You and Rem are safe. I won't tell a soul."

I stared after her long after she'd moved back to the other girls who were trying on every shirt I owned. Lily Evans knew Remus's secret. And she thought I was a werewolf too. Maybe it would be easier that way.

As the day wore on, I quickly realised why Remus never told a soul his secret. I kept catching Lily staring at me in my classes and every time I caught her eye, she was looking at me with such pity. I didn't need to be pitied. ANd neither did Remus for that matter. Werewolves needed acceptance. They were just people, not poor creatures deserving of pity.

I went to all my classes. I checked on the potion that was slowly brewing twice as much as my friends. I spent time with Remus. All the while, all I could see was Lily's pity. Would she pity me even more if she knew the truth?

"Remus." I whispered as we sat in the library. We were in the restricted section, a rare privilege gifted to him by McGonagall and to me by Slughorn. There wasn't another soul for a dozen feet. "I just want you to know that Lily implied that she knew your secret. She also implied she thought that I was… er one too. She saw a few of my scars... "

"I figured she probably knew." Remus nodded, his voice as soft as my own. "She's a bright girl. Did you correct her about yourself?"

"I didn't know what to say." I sighed, leaning on his shoulder as I read about the magical properties of a little known plant called the Mariphasa Lupina Lumina. "I couldn't just say, oh no I'm not a werewolf. My father just thinks it's fun to use unforgivable curses on anyone who reminds him of my mother."

"Yeah, I suppose assumptions are easier left as that. But, it's a dangerous assumption for her to have made." Remus frowned. "I don't like the idea of her thinking I would allow such a thing to happen."

"She never said it was you." I shrugged. "She might think that we're litter mates or something. You know same wolf different night. She has no idea if this was the only full moon that I decided to sit in the astronomy tower or not."

"But you were there on the first. That was the actual moon." Remus rolled his eyes.

"Dinner ended before the moon rose." I shrugged. "It would have been unsafe, but not impossible."

"Dumbledore wouldn't have allowed the other students to be in danger. Even for appearances." Remus shook his head.

"True, but most wizarding texts on werewolves are very vague. And muggle texts are all over the place." I sighed. "She probably has no idea about any of it."

"Yeah, I'm done with this subject now." Remus frowned. "What are you reading about?"

"Magical properties of a flower called the Wolf Flower. I mean it has a long latin name, but that's boring." I smiled.

"And why are you studying it?" Remus laughed.

"I'm curious as to its effect on werewolves." I nibbled my lip. "I love the things, but I don't want to start growing flowers that have an adverse effect…"

"Do they sell them in Hogsmeade?" Remus frowned.

"Yeah. It's a potion ingredient. Mostly used in those fake protection gimmicks, but it's also used to make some potion have that eerie glow, like the growth serum and stuff." I shrugged.

"Well, we'll buy one and see if it has any effects." Remus kissed the top of my head.

"You're the best." I whispered, feeling bad for the slight lie. "Rem, I was wondering… would you be willing to test a few other things as well? Nothing dangerous or anything… I'm just really curious about how your condition affects you…"

"I don't see why not…" Remus said warily. "Why are you so curious all of a sudden?"

"Always have been. I just… Didn't feel right to actually ask. I know how uncomfortable you are with talking about it…" I sighed. Maybe I could tell him of my ultimate goal. But I just wasn't ready to risk it just yet.

I sighed and curled into his arms making a mental list of the things I wanted to test out. The wolf flower… the night orchid… Scopolamine, Calendula, and maybe Asafoetida. Oh and definitely the Jimsonweed. Just a few things really. Maybe I'd get a bouquet and if he has a reaction I could test each individually and claim it was so I didn't buy it again…

But would he react to just being near it? Smelling something was a lot different than putting it in a potion… I sighed, thinking about how great it would be if I actually got anywhere with it.

Before I knew it, Remus was nudging me awake. I was on a couch in the common room, even though I'd fallen asleep in the library. Had he carried me all the way up here? Was he strong enough to do that while still recovering from the moon?

"What happened?" I yawned softly.

"You fell asleep. I let you use me as a pillow until I was done reading, but I couldn't carry you clear up to the dorm. You know trick stairs and all to keep me out." Remus smiled softly. "You kept purring at me and clawed me when I tried to get away. You know like a cat that's too comfortable and doesn't want to be moved."

"Please tell me you're joking." I frowned looking at the clock. It was well after curfew.

"Nope, but it was cute, so don't worry about it." He smiled sleepily. "Now head up to bed little kitten. It's past your bedtime."

I rolled my eyes, but dragged myself up the stairs to my bed. "Night Moony."

I was asleep by the time my head hit the pillow. When I woke up, the dorm was still sleeping, except for Lily who was drying her hair from a shower.

"Morning Dez." She smiled, sitting down on her bed, fully dressed even though it was still dark out.

"Help me charm some of my shirts a different color?" I smiled, stretching lightly.

"Sure thing. What color?" She said moving over next to me and digging out a few of my shirts for each of us.

"Any color but green. I love the color, but it's too controversial for the recent transfer." I smiled lightly.

By the time the other girls were up and moving we'd gone through my whole wardrobe leaving only a handful of green shirts. Even my skirts were charmed any color but green. I'd already taken a shower of my own, and even gone as far as to spike my hair, going for a look completely opposite of anything I would have done a year ago.

"Dang, Dez." Alice whistled. "If you had dressed like that back in Slytherin, I would have had a heart attack. I like it."

I smiled softly and silently practiced the glamour charm Lily had shown me earlier while I waited for the other girls to get ready.

Remus met me at the bottom of the stairs and we walked to breakfast together. Sirius was so busy eating he didn't even notice me sit down until I stole a strip of bacon right off his plate.

"That's how Kettleburn lost her thumb, Dez." Remus warned. "Never steal food from a hungry animal."

"Meh, I'm not scared of a harmless puppy like Padsy." I grinned, ignoring the death glare Sirius was giving me.

"Fair enough." Remus laughed, reaching across me and stealing a sausage link from Sirius's plate. He stuck his tongue out at our pouting friend and ate the link in a single bite.

"What's on the schedule today?" I asked, covering up a yawn with my hand.

"Double Herbology. Transfigurations. Runes. And a Double Potions. First Potions class of the year. Maybe we'll do something interesting." James said through a mouthful of eggs.

"Potions is always interesting to me. Sixth year, so the best thing on the list is Felix Felicis but there's other cool stuff too. I'm already reading next year's book though, so I might be a bit mixed up."

"You also think that making a potion that cures boils is fun." Peter pointed out.

"Well, of course I do. One well timed wet start firework and half the class if covered in oozing pustules for the next two hours." I giggled.

"Yeah, but that's not as fun when you miss judge the splash zone an accidently get yourself." Peter sighed, remembering that particular disaster.

"Don't worry Wormtail, You'll always have me around to clear it up with just a couple drops from my own potion." I promised.

Students started filing out and Peter suddenly stood up squeaking something about leaving his herbology book in the dorm before scurrying off. I knew he was headed to tend to our potion in the RoR, but did he have to make sure everyone else knew too?

I sighed and stretched. "To Greenhouse six?"

"To Greenhouse six." James agreed, and we headed to class. Peter was a few minutes late, but he was also a favorite of Professor Sprout's, so he didn't even get scolded. He just settled in next to me and started undoing all the damage I'd done to the poor Amaranth.


	43. A Dragon's Ghost

AN: This time my thanks go out to Sparky She-Demon, ZabuzasGirl, and SlypherTheDragon for their reviews. Sorry I'm a little late on posting, it's been a crazy week. Enjoy and see you next week

* * *

Transfigurations passed in a blur. I'd really gotten a lot better since I'd started studying in preparation of becoming an animagus. Runes was over as soon as it began, mostly because it was boring and I probably fell asleep at some point. And before I knew it, Potions was upon us. As we settled in, Slughorn instructed everyone on the correct way to brew Felix Felicis, as I had guessed, and we set to work. Peter and I ended up winning the contest and being allowed to keep half an ounce of the perfected potion each before we headed down to the grounds for our free period.

James and Sirius slipped off to get their brooms, or rather James was fetching the brooms while Sirius checked our potion, and Remus and I were in our usual spot reading. My list of possible cure ingredients was growing and I really wished that I had someone I could talk to that knew both potions and werewolves well enough to provide actual intelligent help on the subject. I wished I could talk to Damocles Belby. I finally gave in and decided to write a letter to the man himself and ask him if he was maybe looking for a summer apprentice or some such. It wasn't like I was getting a lot done on my own anyways.

I listed my previous teachers and tutors as well as a handful of the things I'd discovered on my own as a small proof of my worth and left a note at the bottom telling him he could ask for more proof if he was interested. I doubted he would be anyways.

When dinner approached I headed off to send the letter, meeting the others in the Great Hall when I was done. It was over that table that our newest plan took root. I left my spot with the boys and settled myself further down the table next to Triple A and Jamie.

"So how do you girls like the school so far?" I asked innocently.

"It's so cool!" Jamie smiled, keeping her voice low so no one heard her fangirling over what was just Hogwarts for everyone else.

"I really like Professor McGonagall. She can turn into a cat!" Triple A smiled. "I want to be just like her when I grow up."

"Yeah she is pretty cool." I smiled. "You guys must not have seen what I came here about yet. I'll just head back to the older kids then."

"No! Don't go!" Jamie gasped excitedly.

"Yeah! I HAVE to know what you're talking about!" Triple A said, eyes wide like an innocent little kitten.

"Well, the ghost of course." I shrugged.

"Of course we've seen the ghosts. I accidently walked through Nearly Headless Nick yesterday." Triple A said frowning.

"No. THE ghost, not just any old ghost." I said, leaning in close. "You can't tell anyone, because we don't like talking about it, but there's one ghost that's really special. It's a dragon's ghost, but it's only out after curfew. That's why they enforce the curfew so much. They think that if you get hit by it's fire breath that it'll burn so cold that you could actually get hurt. I've never seen it actually happen though, so I think it's a hoax."

"Whoah!" The girls said in unison. "You saw a dragon ghost?"

"Oh, yeah. I've seen it plenty of times." I nodded. "Flew right through my chest once when I was in first year. I never thought I'd stop shivering. It was worth it though."

"Could you take us to see it tonight?" Triple A asked, still filled with awe at my admission.

"I don't know… Wouldn't want you to get hurt…" I frowned.

"You were our age!" Jamie whined softly. "Pretty please?"

"Okay, but you can't tell anyone." I sighed. "They'd kick me out of here faster than you can say quidditch."

"You got it." They both promised, holding out their tiny little pinkies to me.

I met up with the two first years just after curfew. Luckily everyone else had gone to bed already. I had James's map in hand and I lead the girls only a short ways from the dorm before I quietly cast my patronus charm and a massive silver dragon swooped from my wand and over the girls' heads. I waved my wand, making the patronus circle us a few times before it make a silent roar and crashed into the wall, seeming to disappear.

The girls were a bit scared, but it was the good kind of halloween type scare. I barely talked them into returning to the dorm with me rather than exploring the castle looking to find it again.

James, who was on prefect duty tonight, 'caught' us trying to sneak back in and gave the girls a stern talking to, warning them not to go looking for the 'ghost' again. Then he gave me an even more stern talking to, scolding me for telling them about it.

By the time we actually made it to the dorm, the girls were so excited I swore they were going to pee themselves.

"Now go to bed, girls. Potter won't be so nice next time. It's only because I'm his friend that we aren't all on our way to Dumbledore right now." I warned. "You can't tell a soul about this."

The girls nodded and slipped into their dorms, still whispering about the dragon's ghost.

I yawned and went to bed myself, tired from all the day's work. Luckily tomorrow was friday, the last day of school before I could sleep in.

By the time lunch rolled around, the whole school was whispering about the alleged Dragon Ghost. The younger kids speaking of it in awe and the older kids wondering how they'd been convinced of such an outrageous tale.

"We done good, Ghost." James smiled. "This was probably the greatest Gryffindor Debut since our own."

"Oh, shut up. A Dragon Ghost is so much better than the Great Pepper Problem of '71 ever was. At least I didn't ruin a whole feast." I smiled gently.

"Yeah, but I was six years younger back then. And I barely knew anything." James chuckled. "It was a wonder I didn't accidently turn myself into a GHOST pepper."

"Ha ha that was very punny." I mumbled sarcastically.

"Stop having a who's dick is bigger contest guys. Dez can always buy a bigger one." Sirius chuckled at his own joke.

"We need a secret language." Peter said randomly.

"Why on earth would we need that?" I frowned, looking at the boy who was shorter than even me.

"Because when we plan things, any old person could overhear." Peter sighed. "That's how we get in trouble so much."

"I know how to speak Russian… and a bit of French." I shrugged.

"I know pig latin." James shrugged.

"Everyone knows pig latin, Prongs. And half the Slytherin population knows French too." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Why on earth would Slytherins know French?" Remus asked, looking up from his DADA book for the first time since lunch started.

"Because French is classy as fuck." I grinned. "All purebloods make their kids take a summer of French."

"I never took any French, so not all of them." James countered.

"Yeah, but your family doesn't give a fuck about pureblood heritage. They think Lily's the perfect match for you, which will end the purity of the Potter's forever, you being their only heir and what not." I smiled.

"True." James laughed. "They don't mind."

We all laughed and headed to our next class a bit early, Sirius sneaking off to check the potion first.

At the end of the day, the five of us headed out onto the grounds to laze in what remained of the sunlight. The boys took to their brooms to practice for the upcoming quidditch season and Remus and I curled on a picnic blanket to spend some time together.

"You know what?" Remus asked, interrupting my drawing of the lake.

I smiled and glanced over at him. "What?"

"I haven't told you how beautiful you are today." Remus smiled at me.

"No, you haven't." I smiled. "You should probably work on that."

"Desari Malfoy, you're the most beautiful woman in the castle this fine evening. Probably the most beautiful woman in all of England. Maybe even the most beautiful in the world." He whispered, leaning in and nuzzling my shoulder.

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Lupin." I smiled, placing a gentle kiss on his soft lips. Then I pulled back and winked at him. "And I really do mean everywhere."

He chuckled. "You're such a tease, Dez."

"Who says I'm teasing?" I asked, innocently turning back to my drawing.

I saw him staring at me from the corner of my eye, but insistently ignored him until the boys returned to the ground. The five of us headed inside and towards the Gryffindor tower.

"I need to go to the little girl's room." I smiled as we got to where I needed to slip away from Remus to check on the potion.

"That's alright. I'll wait for you." Remus said, taking my hand.

"No, that's alright. I'll meet you in the tower in just a few minutes." I assured him, kissing his cheek softly.

Remus looked about to argue, but Sirius threw an arm around his shoulder. "By the way, could you check my astronomy homework real fast, Moony? I'm rotten at it."

Remus rolled his eyes but allowed Sirius to drag him off towards the common room. I slid off to check the potion quickly. It was coming along nicely, already turning from black to a dark green. That was a good sign.

I slid from the RoR and all but ran back to the tower to meet up with my friends. Remus was still bent over Sirius's Astronomy homework, marking things in that red ink he liked to use when correcting our work. Knowing Sirius, he would turn it in just as it was, Moony's marks and all.

"See I was back before you even had a chance to miss me, Moony." I said, kissing the top of his head and pushing Sirius onto the floor so I could sit next to him.

"Hey! Be gentle with me, woman! That ass is one of my finest features." Sirius grumbled, rubbing the spot where his butt had crashed into the carpet.

"Yes, it is." Marlene said, sliding in next to me on the couch. There really wasn't space for her, so I ended up half in Remus's lap as she pushed me over, not that I minded all that much.

"Don't inflate his ego. It's already threatening to make his head explode." I smiled at the newest arrival.

"It's not me you should be worried about. Those fourth years could make his ego the size of Mt. Everest." Marlene smirked, tossing an arm over my shoulder. "They make him sound like some kind of Sex God or something."

I turned a glare on my dog-like friend. "Have you been taking advantage of Fourth years, Padfoot?"

"Of course not, Ghost." He smiled wickedly. "They were third years at the time."

"Ew." Marlene frowned. "That's just gross, Sirius. At least wait until they hit puberty."

I rolled my eyes. "He was actually joking. I know, it's hard to tell sometimes."

"Don't know why everyone thinks I'm some sort of playboy." Sirius shrugged. "I'm just an innocent flirt."

"Don't push it too far, Siri." I said rolling my eyes. "I counted thirteen girls in the last year alone."

"And those are just the ones we caught you snogging." Peter added softly.

"Snogging and shagging are very different." Sirius insisted. "I haven't even shagged any of those girls."

"Are you saying that the Gryffindor sex God hasn't gotten laid in a year?" I asked, crawling the rest of the way onto Remus's lap the moment he set down Sirius's essay.

"No! I haven't!" Sirius hissed. "Or the year before that. I've had one totally awkward fumbling session with that Hufflepuff prefect and everything got all out of proportion!"

"What?" Marlene gasped. "The Sirius Black, King of all Players is a virgin?"

"Shut up, McKinnon. At this rate Moony's gonna score before I do." Sirius groaned.

"How do you know he hasn't, Padfoot?" I winked at the poor pup and turned to kiss Remus.

"You guys haven't done it. Moony would have told us. Right, Moony?" Sirius smiled softly.

"Definitely not, Padfoot. I don't kiss and tell." Remus smirked and wrapped his arms around me.

"Am I really the last virgin Marauder?" Sirius blushed. "Really?"

"Naw." Marlene rolled her eyes. "You'll lose yours long before James."

"Or lose it to him. We haven't decided yet." I joked with a grin. "Plus, Remus and I are waiting for… For whatever he's waiting for."

Remus stiffened under me. "You're waiting on me?" He whispered so only I would hear.

"Later, Rem. We can talk about it later." I breathed, running my fingers through his hair.

"Wow. Sixth year and all five Marauders are still virgins? Who woulda guessed?" Marlene laughed.

Peter blushed darkly and stared at the floor.

"No. Really?" I squeaked tumbling off Remus's lap to get a good look at Peter. "Oh my god! When?"

"Remember when I dated that Slytherin, Emmeline Vance?" Pete shrugged. "I didn't realize it was such a big deal."

"That was like forever ago!" James frowned. "Like before Moony and Ghost hooked up!"

"Must have been before we were all close. I thought I was the only Slytherin in your lives." I smiled, sitting back at Remus's feet and leaning against him.

"Only one worth mentioning." Peter shrugged. "We only dated a few weeks. Then she dragged me into one of the dungeons and stopped talking to me."

"You did it in the dungeons? Oh God that had to be cold…" I frowned.

The boys all nodded sympathetically and we quickly changed the subject.


	44. The Talk

AN: Special thanks to sxglow for her three reviews this week. And I just wanted to say that the animagus transformation, which still isn't done, was completely made up by me. I took what JK gave us, which wan't much at all, and I studied up on real life plants said to have magical properties. The final product is what you are seeing now. I've decided to start keeping up with real moon cycles for the dates in question. (Before I had been just placing them wherever seemed like fun... ) If things seem a little wonky for a minute, I'm sorry. Also, I broke the screen on my laptop, so posting may get a little difficult. I'm currently writing on my phone and posting on my fiance's desktop which I hate...

It was several weeks later that Remus ventured the subject again. The others were at quidditch practice and we were in the library alone.

"Are you erm… When we were talking with Marlene in the common room…. Nevermind." Remus said blushing bright red and burying himself into his book again.

"Are you talking about that awkward sex talk we all had?" I giggled, setting down my potions book.

"Y-yeah. I was." He chuckled.

"I'm not in any kind of rush." I smiled, holding his hand. "I mean if you want to we could… you know. But no one's ever seen my scars… not even my roommates. So I… I don't necessarily… It's not something I'm looking forward to just yet."

"Your scars wouldn't scare me away in the slightest." He assured me gently. "We all know I have more than my fair share of them too."

"I know." I smiled. "But your scars are sexy." I said, tracing one of them with my fingers.

"Liar." he chuckled setting his hand over mine.

"It's not a lie. But I am a bit biased, I suppose." I smiled, kissing his shoulder.

"You're beautiful, Dez. No matter what." Remus smiled, bringing me in for a deep kiss.

I smiled and pulled away to return to my book. "As I was saying, I'm fantastic with waiting as long as you need. I know it can't be simple with all that goes on in your head. Take your time."

"Is that why you don't wear any of your old dresses? Because they don't cover up what happened last summer?" He asked, as he turned to the next page in his book.

"Pretty much. The scar is still pretty gnarly." I shrugged. "People ask about my father all the time without adding a weird scar into the mix. Plus, Lily still thinks I'm a werewolf after glimpsing it."

"You can make that up in a few days. You know stay in the common room. Not sneak out with the boys. I don't know what you guys do, but it draws attention." Remus frowned.

"We stare out into the darkness and worry about you." I shrugged. "Try to study and be there for the worst night of the month for our best friend. We can't actually comfort you, but we listen to you. Sometimes cry for you. We can tell when it's bad."

"I… I love you." he said slowly as if trying to find the words.

"I love you too, you silly wolf." I smiled softly.

We both turned back to our books smiling. After reading the same line three times without actually absorbing a single word I gave up and put the book away. "That was our first 'I love you's." I whispered softly.

"Really? It was?" Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah." I smiled brightly. "I've been dancing around those words since you showed up at the hospital in July."

"Why?" he laughed, putting his book away too.

"Because I didn't know if you'd say it back." I admitted with a blush. "Didn't want to embarrass myself."

"I may not have said it out loud, Dez, but I've loved you for awhile now." Remus said, pulling me into his arms.

"Am I interrupting something?" Sirius asked, plopping into the chair across from us.

"Yes." I said at the same time Remus said "Nope."

"Oh shit, Moony. You're in trouble now." Sirius winced standing up. "When you two are done doing… whatever you're doing, the Marauders are waiting in the RoR."

Sirius all but ran from the room and Remus and I started laughing.

"Am I that scary?" I asked as we headed for the RoR.

"Absolutely terrifying." Remus assured me with one last kiss before we entered the RoR.

"So why are we having a meeting two days before the full moon starts?" Remus asked, sitting on a couch and pulling me into his lap.

"Because we have business." Sirius smirked, settling himself half onto a table. "First order of business, you two are disgustingly affectionate today. Did you guys do it in the library? We have to study in there."

"Merlin, Padfoot, I didn't know you were so interested in our sex life." I smiled back at him. "Were you hoping to watch?"

Remus blushed bright red and hid his face between my shoulder blades. "Dez, don't encourage the man."

"What he means by that is; Mind your own business, you silly mutt." I said, rolling my eyes at my boyfriend's adorably prudish behavior.

"Okay, Second order of business, Halloween is quickly approaching. What are we doing this year?" James said loudly, drowning out whatever comeback Sirius had been about to make. "Today's the fifth, so that leaves is with… Twenty six days."

"Today's mostly over, Prongs. It's more like we have twenty-five days." Peter corrected. "Also I vote we talk everyone we can into dressing up as muggles and call it Muggle Awareness day."

"Your suggestion is heard, but quickly dismissed. You've been suggesting that since like Second year." James said with a quick nod at Peter.

"I say we convince the girl… Triple A, that's her name, that Professor What-his-name is a wererabbit and the only way to protect herself is by wearing a real rabbit's foot. See how fast news travels." Sirius said, smiling.

"Also acknowledged, but such a rumor may bring attention to our own furry little problem." I said, mimicking James's authoritative speech.

"You have any great ideas then, Ghost?" Sirius snapped with a glare.

"I do actually." I frowned. "You lot have done a big prank every year on Halloween, yeah?"

"Without fail." James assured me.

"That's the answer then! We do nothing." I smiled. "We leave the whole castle waiting on baited breath, wondering what's going to happen. We act like we always do, as innocent as possible. By the end of the night the whole castle will be one big bundle of nerves."

"That's just stupid." Peter said.

"No, think about it, Wormy." James made an excited sound that reminded me of the girls in my class whenever my brother was near. "If everyone thinks we're going to do something, they'll jump at every first year who trips in the halls. It's brilliant!"

"I vote that we have a party though. There's no ball this year, so let's throw one of our own." Sirius smiled. "Everyone would show up just to see what we do if nothing else."

"Where would we throw it? There's really nowhere that we could invite other houses…" I frowned, thinking over our options. "Maybe we should attend one in Hogsmeade. The Hog's Head has a pretty good one. And they let underage wizards buy firewhiskey no problem. Long as no teachers are watching."

"We'll have to let the teachers think we're throwing one here then. Keep them busy." Sirius nodded. "Good idea, Dez."

"Invite a couple firsties to a party in the castle. That'll give the teachers something to do as long as the firsties hide it well. Then we can invite some older kids to Hogsmeade. The older kids will spread the word to students and the firsties will spread the word to teachers and kids." James smiled. "Brilliant work guys."

"Now, Ghost, if you would please wait outside for a moment?" Peter asked looking terrified. I would bet every galleon I owned that the others had volunteered him.

"Why would I do that?" I asked, taking on my old Malfoy sneer. I loved watching the poor boy squirm.

"Because our third order of business is… Boys Only?" He squeaked, making the sentence into a question.

"Liar." I grinned, bouncing up and heading for the door. "Have fun planning my birthday. Oh! And I love chocolate cake, okay? None of that tasteless white stuff."

Remus just chuckled at me as I shut them in. The door melted into the wall the moment I'd shut it, but I didn't mind. I knew Sirius and James would make it fun, and I trusted Remus and Peter to keep it safe.

By the time they were done chatting, it was nearing curfew. I'd just been about to knock and as for James's cloak when the door slammed open and the boys came out.

"I win!" Sirius grinned, looking at where I was sitting with a book about werewolves and their mates. "Told you she'd still be here."

"I never actually said she wouldn't." Remus sighed. "I just said that she might have gone up to the tower."

"Without you four? Nah, it hadn't even crossed my mind." I smiled, shoving the book in my bag before Remus saw it. "Wasn't sure if my awesome birthday party was the last order of business or not."

"It was." James shrugged. "We'll have another meeting eventually, but right now, we have to prepare for the newest Marauder to turn seventeen."

"Sirius turns seventeen before me." I observed, letting Remus help me stand. "Why aren't we making him sit in the hall for a couple hours?"

"Mostly because Sirius insists that he plan his own party. One with lots of alcohol and girls." Remus chuckled and put an arm around me. "Also, we're not planning on doing presents this year. I hope that's alright with you?"

"That's a terrible idea!" Sirius yelled. "Wormtail! Who's terrible idea was that?"

"It was yours." Peter frowned. "You decided presents we stupid and we should stop doing them after all four of us got Remus the exact same chocolates last year."

"Only you three. I didn't buy Moony anything last year. Actually I don't even know when your birthdays are, except Sirius and James who's birthdays I attended as a child, because purebloods, that's why." I rolled my eyes.

"Then who bought the fourth one, Rem? It was definitely a girl's handwriting…" James asked throwing an arm around his friend. "Was there a girl other than our Dezzie vying for your affections?"

"No. She's just a friend." Remus rolled his eyes and threw James's arm off his shoulder. "Nobody important."

"She was important enough to think of you on your birthday." I smirked, pulling him close. "Who's the witch I'm terribly jealous of?"

"It was just Lily. I didn't correct them because I didn't want James to get all weird about it." Remus said softly, but not soft enough.

James pouted and stormed off to sulk about his unrequited love. Sirius rolled his eyes. "Dammit, Moony, now Prongs will be weird all night and probably start writing crappy poetry again. Should have said it was from that Hufflepuff bird with the doe eyes for you."

"I don't even know that girl's name, Padfoot." Remus said dully. "Also, she's like twelve."

"You coulda called her anything! James doesn't know her name either!" Sirius said grumpily.

"Why would I have eaten chocolate given to me by a girl who's frankly obsessed with me? I don't want to consume love potions." Remus countered.

"I eat all kinds of candy from my admirers and I haven't been poisoned yet." Sirius frowned.

"You have." Remus rolled his eyes. "You just aren't affected by it for some reason. Remember when you ate like a whole box of chocolates and James decided they were safe so he ate one too? He was writing poems about a seventh year for days."

"Yeah, but I wasn't obsessed with her." Sirius shrugged. "I didn't even know her name until Prongs read a poem about how beautiful the name Beatrice was in the middle of lunch. Lily thought it was hilarious."

"I remember that." I laughed. "Lily hexed him a good one for it. And he snapped right out of it the moment she said his name."

"Yeah, that was weird." Sirius shrugged.

"Actually, love potions tend to break when faced with true love." I explained. "James must honest to god have feelings for Lily if she was able to break the trance."

"So basically, James will be like this about her forever?" Sirius frowned. "Poor man's a flirt, but he hasn't even kissed a girl all because of the bird."

"Maybe she'll come around." I shrugged.

"I've got it!" Sirius suddenly yelled.

"Care to share with the class?" I asked as the Fat Lady opened up for us.

"You share a dorm with Lily, yeah?" Sirius smiled. "You can talk to her. Get her to come around. James will love you for it."

"I will not participate in your stupid scheme to get her to fall in love with Prongs." I said firmly. "If she wants him, she wants him. If not, don't force it."

"Does she talk about him?" Peter asked, softly.

"Not that I've heard, but we don't talk much. I spend all my time with you idiots… and Remus." I said with a wink.

"How come Remus isn't part of 'us idiots'?" Pete asked, collapsing on our usual couch.

"Because Remus is cute. And smart. And doesn't think that Singing toilets are a perfect prank." I explained, sitting on the opposite end of the couch with Remus between us.

"You thought that prank was brilliant too." Sirius pointed out, sitting in one of the two chairs across from us. "In fact, it may have been your idea."

"Pretty sure that one was James, actually." I shrugged. "Never said I wasn't one of the idiots, just Remus."

"You aren't an idiot." Remus assured me, kissing my cheek. "You're brilliant."

"Love you, Rem." I smiled, snuggling against him.

"I love you too." He smiled, holding me close.


End file.
